Our patented Lens of Blather is
an instrument which allows us to see into the fearful future as
predicted by talk radio radio hosts, Fox News seers, and certain members of Congress.
It's a fearsome, gruesome, loathsome place at the bottom of a
dozen slippery slopes; moral declines into festering bogs of unintended
catastrophes- all forsoothed and told-you-so-ed by some of the greatest
minds and towering moral exemplars of our time: Rush Limbaugh, Bill
O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham, Neal Boortz, and Sean Hannity. Not to mention Bart Stupak, Michelle Bachmann, and the late Eric Massa.
We
don't venture there often, but we opened the Lens last week to glance
into the terrifying future-world of post-Obama health care.
Sad
to say, everything talk radio and Fox News said would happen has.
America didn't listen to Rush way back in '09, “The crisis in
health care is like the crisis in everything else, manufactured… There
is no crisis."
With Obama-care, turns out, we got our crisis.
Once
it was "take two aspirin and call me in the morning," now it's "Suck on
this, and call me next year."
Just
as Limbaugh predicted, administration of the massive new program was
turned directly over to Amtrak and the Post Office.
(photo:
"fearsome, gruesome, loathsome")
In
line at the PO/med center/train station, you're as likely to find
yourself behind someone with a head wound as someone mailing a Mother's
Day card. Trains come and go, some are empty, some loaded with the halt
and the lame off to the Medical Camps. A urine sample goes in the mail
slot with the bread and butter note to your Aunt Tudie, and presumably
has the same chance of getting shunted to the Cleveland dead letter
office. Pregnant women go to the head of the line only if they're in
labor- "Special Delivery" has a new meaning in Obamunism.
As
Laura Ingraham and Glenn Beck so presciently tried to warn us, Obama's
main objective and the very core of his health plan is to ensure that
Americans die young.
"Aging is inefficient," says a civil service
health czar. "Old people are a drag on the system." These czars, all
young, black males from the mean streets of Harvard, work 9 to 4:30 (with
an hour for lunch; holidays, weekends, and Lenin's Birthday off)
telling little old ladies and their husbands whether they can live or
head for the "hospice chutes." (Getting old is discouraged,
legislation banning it is pending in the Congress).
Just
as
Sean Hannity predicted, the warm, loving arms of the insurance
companies will be torn from patient care by "… a government rationing
body that tells women with breast cancer: 'you’re dead.'”
He
was right: government thugs have stepped between citizens and their
doctors. Powerful bureaucrats make the decisions: who gets the kidney
dialysis, the lap-band surgery; the full-term pregnancy, the hair-plugs,
the bypasses, the Caesarians and lobotomies.
Boortz's words,
“Obama’s health care plan is going to end up killing people..." fell on
empty ears, and he was right: you're a goner unless you're young, black,
gay,
a wise Latina, or you give money to the DNC, the ACLU, SEIU or the
NAACP.
Target demographics and friendly elites get places at the
front of the
long lines. Everyone else dies or goes to Craig's List for back-alley
tonsillectomies, home chemo-therapy kits, and Mexican black market
stool softeners. Drug dealers haunt senior centers with "street"
ibuprofen, Flo-Max and Lipitor.
A doctor is paid $7 for a
craniotomy or $3.99 for a nose job, and while that might seem great for
patients, med school has lost its attraction to bright students, and
clogged with free university drop-outs, graphic
artists, community activists, and over-the-hill hip-hop
performers.
(Photo: the doctor is "in.")
Real
doctors have few choices: become a personal physician to a billionaire
Democrat, or get a night job at Subway.
(Talk
radio topics for the future: Do you tip for your doctor like your
hairdresser? 20% of a $7 brain surgery ain't much... do you tip the
anesthesiologist? Do you really need one?)
As Hannity
predicted, taxidermists, massage therapists and denturists fill in gaps
in medical fields in need of practitioners. A doctorate in anything-
even English- can mean a lucrative practice, and a respect previously
undreamed of by English majors.
- Novelists often supplement their meager incomes doing hemorrhoid
transplants; or prostate exams.
- Editors sideline as dentists, putting to use the innate myopia and
cruelty that drew them to their chosen line of work.
- Sociologists, and historians with advanced degrees have been
successful in the "lite" medical practices like opthamology, and
podiatry.
- Anthropologists travel to Manila to learn "psychic surgery," the
art of extracting chicken guts from the human body cavity without a
scalpel.
Anxious patients flock to veterinarians, now allowed to practice their
gentle art on two-legged species. Spaying and neutering are real
alternatives in a world where the costs of health care makes
child-raising unaffordable. (Abortions are free, as Bill
Cunningham (KVI Sundays 7-10p) tried to tell us, and performed on every
street corner.
Anyone can get one- even men, little children and pets! Unborn fetuses
outnumber regular people in many small towns, are all registered
Democrats and allowed (or forced) to vote).
If he hadn't
died from a botched ear-wax removal by an Atlanta dog groomer, talk
host Neal Boortz could be self-righteous for his prediction that knee
surgery would be declared "elective," and that the lucrative knee
replacement industry and meniscus-trimming cartels would be shut down.
Vast communities of the kneeless have sprung up (if that's the word)
in California and in the Southwestern suburbs. In hellish, chaotic
conclaves fortunately blocked off so children can't see in, elderly
inhabitants drag their bad legs around like zombies and participate
sadly in fruitless rituals like butt-kicking contests and lap dancing.
Other
procedures ruled elective or cosmetic by the bureaucrats: episiotomies,
anal bleaching, by-passes, and Caesarians.
It's
every man's dream to be a gynecologist, and in this brave, new health
world,
any man can! Urban neighborhoods are plagued with door-to-door docs like
the notorious Five-Minute Gyno, a former pedicurist who offers cut-rate
pap smears and breast exams. "At your cervix!" he cries, but
reportedly takes up to 20 minutes to do the procedures.
Self-surgery
is very popular-
especially with the libertarian kidz... and why not??? It's SO
non-statist! Besides, no lines and the price is right! Not only
body-piercings, and foot callus removal, but also fat globulectamis,
orchiectomies and the occasional self-trepanation.
If America
could only see what we see through our Lens into the future, maybe
they'd forsake their own self-interest and listen to the talk radio
geniuses who see the Obama regime for what it is: an autocracy of mercy
who wants everybody to die.
Help protect our blessed right of
uninsuredness, say no to heath care reform!
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