Billly Bob: NEW GNU; UNDER WARE; LUKE BURBANK; DRUG TESTS & PRICK TIPS

Billly Bob (whose real name is neither Billly nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience ironed his shirts, drank his milkshake, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends. His corn is as high as an elephat's eye, but he knows more than we do.

by Billly Bob

 

Thanks to this damn heat, which is murder sleeping in a double-wide, I'm sittin' here at 1 a.m. in my tighty-whiteys crankin' out another round of insightful answers to your Northwest radio queries:

Dear Billy: How long is something "new" in radio?  Why is 97.3 "Your NEW FM Talk Station"? Hasn't it been a couple years since they switched to FM?  Signed, Hugh J'Asole.

Dear Hugh: I think they are actually saying "Your Gnu FM Talk Station."  The Mormons hold the wildebeest sacred.

Dear Billy: A couple weeks ago the KOMO news anchors seemed to be beside themselves over this story about a group of nudists trying to set up a 'clothing optional' beach in Seattle.  It was all snickering, all the time.  The morning announcers, then the midday announcers, and finally the afternoon crew all giggled and made risque comments.  I'm not sure if these news anchors are prudes or middle-schoolers or both. Signed, S. Kenny Dippin

Dear Kenny: As my tea-baggin' queen, Sarah Palin would say, people are weird about nudification. One night I went skinny-dipping in the blue plastic pool behind my double-wide.  And my nosy neighbors called the Monroe po-po.

Dear Billy: I find it interesting that AM 1090 is planning a big event at the ShoWare center in Kent and Randi Rhodes, Mike Malloy, Thom Hartman, Norman Goldman and Ron Reagan will all be there. But Ron Regan isn't even on the station anymore. Is this some sort of ruse by the station to make us feel like they have a local presence, when in fact they have zero local hosts?   Signed,  Libby Rall

Dear Libby: Is the basement of the Sho Ware Center called the Under Ware Center?

Dear Billy: The Seattle Times just did a big write-up on Luke Burbank and the success of  his podcasts, and then a lot of blog posters were trying to figure out why his radio show failed. In my opinion, the show didn't fail because of Luke's talent or lack of talent... he's actually a very talented guy. It failed because it was a bad fit from the start and was never given any management direction. It would be like Classic-KING-FM putting on a great country music show every evening at  7. Or the Harlem Globetrotters hiring Ichiro to play power forward. Ichiro is a great ball-player, but that's not a good fit. If you liked what Luke was doing, you probably didn't like the rest of the KIRO lineup.  And if you liked most of the KIRO line-up, you probably didn't like Luke. What puzzles me is why they didn't try to push Luke to at least do some news type topics, but still be Luke. Someone I know at KIRO says management gave Luke a free reign and didn't intervene. It's a shame, really, because I think Luke could have helped nudge KIRO into the future. The guy obviously attracts fans. Apparently KIRO didn't know what to do with a diamond in the rough. Signed, Radio Ad Seller

Dear Seller: I might start listening to KING if they put some Merle Haggard on there instead of that Mozart crap. 

Dear Billy: I heard a cute trivia question on KPTK recently from a caller in Seattle. The caller asked the hosts to name the two states named after U.S. Presidents. The host immediately said 'Washington.' But then was totally stumped in trying to come up with a second state.  Finally, the caller said the two states are Washington and Alobama. Pretty funny, no?  Signed, Kay P. Tekayer

Dear Kay: I'm sure the god-fearin' great Americans in Alabama won't find that funny at all.

Dear Billy: Here's one from the hard-to-believe department. Remember back in the 80's when owners could only own one AM and one FM radio station in a city.  Radio was actually pretty great then, lots of news, lots of local hosts, around the clock information, and real people on overnights on talk stations and even on music stations. Then in the mid-90's Clinton signed the Telecom Act that allowed greedy owners to have up to EIGHT stations in a city. A few companies like Clear Channel, Citadel and Entercom hogged up stations left and right and today radio sucks. But guess what, Clear Channel just did a filing with the FCC asking that the limit be raised to TWELVE stations per city. TWELVE! These evil bastards aren't happy with screwing up 8 stations, now they want to ruin an even dozen in your town. At what point will people in this country start to realize that less regulation and more corporate control usually results in, oh, I don't know, fucked-up radio and gulf oil disasters?!? Signed, D. Reg Lation

Dear Reg: Yes, but remember, radio CEO salaries are an all-time high.

Dear Billy: First, New York Vinnie gets booted from KIRO and ends up doing a sports-talk show on a big sports station in Pittsburgh. Ann Wog leaves KIRO and ends up producing a big morning show on an FM talk station in Boston. Luke Burbank gets booted from KIRO and ends up getting more publicity than ever doing podcasts. Now, Rod Arquette, the Program Director whacked by Bonneville and KIRO, ends up doing an afternoon talk show on an FM station in Salt Lake City. If these people are good enough to get big-time jobs elsewhere, why aren't they successful on KIRO. Signed, Ken Wax

Dear Ken: It's kind of like that hanging Elvis shag rug I got at Value-Village. It's lovely in my double-wide spare bedroom, but it probably wasn't a good fit in someone's Bellevue condo.

Dear Billy: I'm so pissed about something I can't see straight. This week one of our local right-wing radio tools was promoting an idea by a republican Senator, Orrin Hatch of Utah.  Senator Hatch wants to require drug tests for anyone receiving unemployment insurance. And he says if you don't pass the test, you can't receive your unemployment check. Here's what I say, let's do it. Let's set up a new federal drug-testing agency, but only people currently without jobs can be hired to be the drug testers. And then, let's also require mandatory random drug tests for every member of congress. Seriously. Why not, they're getting government pay checks. In fact, Orrin Hatch has been in the Senate since 1976. That's 34 years. You might say he's been getting a government check for 1,768 weeks. If these pricks think someone getting 26 or even 99 weeks of unemployment benefits should be drug tested, then how about some asshole whose been on the government dole for nearly 2,000 weeks?  And while we're at it, let's do random alcohol breathalyzer tests for members of congress during office hours. And anyone failing either test gets kicked out immediately and is not eligible for a pension. Oh, and they can't draw unemployment. Sign me, Angry-Hard-Working-Private-Sector-Guy-Who-Is-Sick-and-Fucking-Tired-of-Right-Wing-Talk-Hosts.

Dear Long-Name-Guy: You need to chill and drive out to the Trackside Trailer Park in Monroe and burn one with ol' Billy Bob.

Dear Billy: I heard something funny this week on a KIRO traffic report. This dude Shane Cobane ends his traffic report by doing a commercial for 5-Hour Energy Drink. I guess he was trying to say 'one quick trip' but he ended up saying 'one prick tip.' My wife and I were laughing in the car for the next hour. Do you think he got in trouble for his slip of the tongue? Signed, Mike Hunt

Dear Mike. That's no big deal. There are plenty of pricks in radio.

 

Comments

[Phil McKraken]

What about Dori’s story on the person who is growing a beautiful garden? Just to be cut down by the fucking commie bastards of Seattle. Reminds me of the sorry state that eastern Europe was in circa 1988, nothing will be nice and clean because their commissar so declares it. Fuck the queen cunt and anyone who voted for her.

[TomF]

What the hell are you talking about?

[Erictheeditor]

How about a talk show for Billy Bob on KIRO?

[dog boy]

Tell Mike Hunt to get back on TV with his GREAT night time vidios.

[ExPatBrit]

A beautiful garden that potentially blocks a drivers view at an intersection. What could possibly go wrong?

Think of the risk to the children riding in those vehicles. Why do Dori and Phil hate them so?

And complaints from neighbors!

Clearly the City of Seattle that's the problem.

Maybe Dori and Phil can chip in on some extra liability insurance for the homeowner.

Personal responsibility and making good choices are the key.

Or maybe the homeowner could stop being an idiot and Dori could stop being the Breitbart of the NW.

[Andrew]

Why do conservatives think that safety minded ordinances are the province of liberal government officials? Is the midwest a lawless free for all?

[sparky]

‎"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." ~ John Kenneth Galbraith

[Pete]

Cobane probably got a bonus for his slip-up. It got people (including Billy Bob) to remember the commercial!

[KS]

Wasn't Galbraith a committed liberal progressive ?

[AprilMayJune]

Isn't it "Cobain", as in Kurt?

[Puget Sound]

yeah, sparkles what year did Galbraith say that? like 1958?

if you want to quote economic giants why not go with a truly timeless jewel:
""Economic freedom is . . . an indispensable means toward the achievement of political freedom." --Milton Friedman

[Ted Smith]

Is the basement of the Sho Ware Center called the Under Ware Center?

Unfortunately, it's still called Kent.

[Rob]

Y'know, this "Billy Bob" krap was funny the first or second time it appeared here but now it's just become banal. Time to kill it off, Michael.

[TomF]

Agree.

[Erictheeditor]

Disagree.

[joanie]

Billy Bob is like Stephanie Miller: a compliment, Billy. But it is not everyone's taste. I don't much like Stephanie Miller but I think what she does she does well. Still a compliment, Billy.

Or is it really Billly?

[Stinkweed Moholohan]

I'd enjoy seeing Stephanie Miller naked. Billy Bob? Not so much.

[Andrew]

Dori just mentioned a particular comment on his blog regarding that overgrown garden.. but that comment doesn't appear on his blog.. it's on Blatherwatch.

He said some snarky poster posted "do you want to pay liability insurance incase a child is hit at that intersection?" He was almost certainly referring to this comment.

They pretend they don't read this blog, but they can't help but refer back to it.

[Puget Sound]

Andrew has to be one of Dori's most loyal listeners. Taking the time to listen for hours on end to a host he doesn't care for, cross checking the blog of the host he doesn't care for, and then running here to blather about what he found.
Geez Andy, you're like a 4 year old at times.

[KS]

ROFLMAO !#$%%>>

[Andrew]

By that same token, if blatherwatch posters are "human scum", why does Dori read these comments?

[Puget Sound]

oh that's easy, andrew.
probably to use you for illustrative purposes.
you are what they call 'show prep.'

you are dori's best fan. you keep talking up the dori, debating about the dori, dori this and dori that.
if star monson was around, she would give you a big fat kiss on the face.
it's fans like you that allow dori all those lucrative endorsement deals.
so keep talking up the dori.

what a schmuck.

[Andrew]

The last time I commented about one of Dori's shows was well over a month ago. Please explain how I could be his "best fan" and not even manage to catch his show much more than once a month.

[Tommy008]

make people think youre the coach for years, instead of the assistant coach, lie about where you saw a blog, have your daughter go t a differeny mivie and lie that youv saw the school-assigned movie.... .......it's obvious that Dori's "Christian" ethics aren't really ethics at all......

[Puget Sound]

The last time I commented about one of Dori's shows was well over a month ago. Please explain how I could be his "best fan" and not even manage to catch his show much more than once a month.

Posted by: Andrew | July 30, 2010 at 10:47 AM

easy, andy.
anyone who is listening to his show intently enough to be able to then compare same word for word to his blog entries and then to blatherwatch entries in an attempt to gin up a reason to bring his name up qualifies as more than a casual fan. almost 'stalker-esque' it would seem but i am sure Star thanks you for your interest.

the fact that it took a month for you to find something amiss goes towards dori's show quality.

LMAO

[Andrew]

What evidence do you have to suggest I was listening to his show between now and the last time I remarked about it? How does being a critical observer of something or someone necessarily make that person a fan? You've got to be laughing at your own stupidity at this point.

Also lets be clear about this: Dori comes on after Dave. In order to miss Dori's show, Dave's listeners have to proactively change the station or turn off the radio. The default behavior is that they will hear Dori's show unless they go out of their way to stop it, so this goofy idea that all his detractors happily tune in to his show at noon is patently false. Many of us listen to KIRO while we work and can't simply stop everything we're doing in order to adjust the radio.

[KS]

How long does it take to switch radio stations ? typically less than 30 seconds. Anyone who bitches and complains about Dori as you do, it would seem they'd have the motivation to switch the station, unless its doesn't matter that much. It only burns in the ballpark of between 15 and 33 calories, if you were 30 feet away from the radio knob. Lemming mentality.

OMG- if they/you actually switched the station to say 1090, they/you would be left out of the loop on BW - much worse than listening to Dori. Doesn't pass the smell test.

[Puget Sound]

Also lets be clear about this: Dori comes on after Dave. In order to miss Dori's show, Dave's listeners have to proactively change the station or turn off the radio. The default behavior is that they will hear Dori's show unless they go out of their way to stop it, so this goofy idea that all his detractors happily tune in to his show at noon is patently false. Many of us listen to KIRO while we work and can't simply stop everything we're doing in order to adjust the radio.

Posted by: Andrew | July 30, 2010 at 03:59 PM

poor Andrew, just a victim of the omnipresent Dori.

i wasn't talking about 'all detractors.' rather, i was referencing you.
i guess you are similarly forced to then go online to his blog and double check his writings to ensure that they are consistent word for word with his show.

too funny. jeez, andy. face it. you are just a 'Dori-holic'

LMAO

[Puget Sound]

Hey Coiler-cue...still loving this most ethical Congress N Pelosi promised us. BTW, Pres Obama wants War Hero Charlie Rangel to be allowed to retire peacefully. Funny, he didn't seem to care too much for War Hero Duke Cunningham.

And it's not just Charlie Rangel. Another Dem could be facing charges of misconduct: Maxine Waters.

"A House ethics subcommittee has completed its investigation into allegations of wrongdoing by Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.), and could announce its next steps before lawmakers leave town for the August recess Friday, according to sources familiar with the process.

The committee is in discussions with Waters about the case, in which investigators looked at whether she broke House rules by improperly intervening with federal officials on behalf of a local bank, OneUnited Bank, that her husband owned stock in and once sat on the board of directors. It’s not clear yet what would be contained in a Statement of Alleged Violations if the investigative subcommittee determines she acted improperly."

[Puget Sound]

But there is good news for Dems, VP Al Gore was cleared by Portland Police. So you got that going for you, Coils.

[Andrew]

Catching Dori, the Prince of Hubris himself, READING BLATHERWATCH was well worth the my minimal efforts.

At least I'm calling out a public figure. But what's your excuse? Why are you obsessed with someone as insignificant as myself?

[Puget Sound]

yes, calling out a public figure.
how'd that work with ny vinnie?

[Andrew]

And you accuse joanie of "skedaddling"

...

What does it feel like being profoundly insignificant?

[Puget Sound]

actually, upsetting your apple cart feels pretty damn good.

you want to crap on other people and when you get a taste of your own medicine ya don't seem to like it. we call that being a hypocrite from where i come from. the old, do as i say, not as i do.

btw, that 'S' word you used is like the love that dare not speak its name.
totally verboten per the Big Blam himself. but don't worry, i won't pull an 'andrew' and run home to momma on ya.

toodles...

[Puget Sound]

Coiler-Cue
More 'good news' professor. looks like both congressman rangel and congresswomen waters will be demanding trials.
man, that will make for some great c-span watching just before the election.
bwwwaaaaaahaaaaaa
(deepbreath)
bwwwaaaaaahaaaaaa

[KS]

Couldn't happen to two more deserving individuals. Waters should be ruled certifiably insane or mentally deranged to begin with. The updated culture of corruption - Back in 2006, the problem with Foley hurt the GOP and caused a ripple effect in November. Just sayin'.

In 2010, it's time to drain the swamp of the rodentia and reptilia in the House of Representatives and demote the lead reptile aka swamp ringmaster- Stretch Pelosi.

[Tommy008]

Dori had on the famous blackjack card counter Jeff Ma on the other day- Monson boasted to Ma of being "excused" from a couple of Vegas casinos in his old days,,....haah Dori , you're no Jeff Ma....don't be a pretender..........( hi Dori! We hope your Blatherwatch reading experiece for 7/31/10 has been truly pleasurable)