BlatherMunch31: the contest

The Seventh floor of Frederick & Nelson was the first kitchenware store many of us ever saw in the Northwest and it was a wondrous place in our mid-century world of Jello molds and pigs-in-a-blanket.

It was Christmas,1968 and the Gift of the Year that year was ultimate kitchen gadget, the machine that promised to end kitchen drudgery as we knew it, the fabulous CuisinArt food processor.

But Frederick's was filled with mushroom brushes and lemon zesters and berry buzzers and nut beaters. There were dill mills and peach pippers and muffin mallets and shrimp zippers and pickle planes and piping pokes and truffle duffles and radical ideas in corkscrew technology.

These thingamajigs which still plug up kitchenware stores and kitchen junk-drawers, promise a breeze in the kitchen and are exotic and wondrous and mostly... useless. They were usually bought to make corsages for the honorees at bridal showers, a custom now gone the way of the handwritten thank-you notes.

My brother David was at Edison Tech (now known as Seattle Central Community College) at the time learning the cooking trade and the use of that Crescent wrench of professional cooks, the French knife.

(photo: Henckel's 12' lettuce wrench)

I suppose he couldn't help it, but he was 20-years-old and his manhood was easily affronted and threatened. He hated the idea that a machine could short cut years of the training and practice. The CuisinArt was wrong, and righting wrongs was where he was at, as we used to say.
 
Instinctively knowing what a man’s gotta do, he picked up his knife and went downtown.

The CuisinArt demo table at Frederick’s was in a corner of Kitchenwares near a forest of waist-high pepper grinders and gigantic wooden salad forks. It was manned by one of those rouge-y old Frederick’s battle-ax’s smelling like bath powder, wearing orthopedic shoes and a spotless apron. She had mastered the machine, and was shredding carrot and raisin salad having just completed a "patè" made with canned salmon and candied fruit-bits.

It was a calm scene when David arrived fiercely brandishing two onions and a 12-inch stainless steel Henckels Dreadnought, the weapon of choice for budding chefs with a couple of months of cooking school under their belts, and a yen for authenticity.

On loan from Men's Furnishing (First Floor), the poor woman usually dealt with nice businessmen looking for a belt, not Charles Manson look-alikes in chef's whites spattered with old veal blood.

Like Big John Henry, David loudly challenged the machine, demanding from the quaking lady, an onion chop-off. Medium slice.

He was adamant and obnoxious. Shoppers gathered. A manager arrived, a dapper man in a gray blazer and black dickie who gave fleeting consideration of calling security, but after assessing the situation, smiled.

"But of course," he oozed, "let the games begin."

David steeled his blade, shing, shing. The beleaguered demo-lady inserted the feed tube, ka-LICK!

David assumed professional vegetable-cutting stance: back straight, fingers curled inward clutching half the onion. A flurry of slices leapt up impressively from the flash of his blade -- a few rolled off onto the plush taupe carpet.

David was a steel-driving man, Lawd, Lawd, but ... it was no contest. In the bowl of the machine lay a heap of perfect slices of what only a eye-blink before had been a whole onion. The second half of his onion was clutched very professionally in his well-trained fingers.

The crowd murmured in wonder. The manager looked smug, the demo-lady looked proud and relieved. David made some very professional whining noises, and skulked off down the escalator, with his onion slices and French knife wrapped in his apron clutched close to his genitals.

A new era had begun. No longer would a pile of garlic on the hoof stand between a good cook and a great ratatouille. La technique was out; la machine was in. 

Comments

[sparky]

Heh...great story.

I have one of those Cuisinart machines, but I don't use it often because I don't cook for a crowd anymore, and I don't bake cookies from scratch much anymore either. I probably should pass it on to a relative or something.
What I did buy one year at the Puyallup Fair was a Vegimatic blender. Now THAT is a cool gadget. Makes fabulous margaritas in less than 100 seconds. It has a feature that heats up the soup you are pureeing. Easier to clean up than the Cuisinart, too.

[howie in seattle]

I was hoping for a Happy Ending.

[AprilMayJune]

I am reserving the purchase of a food processor until I am too feeble to use a knife. I miss F&N, especially at Christmas time.

[sparky]

I do too..down in Oregon, we had Lipmans until it was bought out by F&N. In my opinion, Macy's is a disaster and has not been an improvement over the Bon, another Seattle landmark. Macy's also took over another Oregon landmark, Meier and Franks, which set the standard for customer service and great sales.
Ah well, I shop online now anyway. The Malls are too dangerous anymore.

[joanie]

And you can't find parking either!

I, too, loved F&N. Their under-appreciated stash of half-fudge dips and pecan delights was a mere twenty-to-thirty fast footsteps from international foods and wines on one side and the Paul Bunyan Room on the other. Seems that the kitchen gadgets preceded international foods in that smaller corner area at one time...

Oh well. That same Henckels' knife was an early Christmas present from my mom once I was out on my own.

Your commentaries carry many memories of a better time, Michael

BTW, how is it that both you and your brother are/were foodies? Did David stick with cooking?

I had a parent several years ago who was an executive chef with Schwartz Brothers. On the last day of school, he brought me a baker's box of high-end pastries and a chocolate cake; and dinner consisting of portobello mushrooms,a steak dish, salad, and a green bean (I think) side dish. Sounds ordinary but it was the best meal. Even delivered. The office was just floored. It smelled heavenly and the portions were large. I doubt I'll ever receive such a gift again. It was amazing.

I've had dinner with that family since and he will not use a Cuisinart to this day. Simply doesn't believe they do as good a job.

[Seattle420]

my late uncle Les Emerick designed the box that frangoes comes in- he was just an houly employee- he is also the brains behind the colored bread that they used to sell at the store.
he was a great uncle and he taught me how to ride my bike to the zoo from lake city!

[Seattle420]

my late uncle Les Emerick designed the box that frangoes comes in- he was just an houly employee- he is also the brains behind the colored bread that they used to sell at the store.
he was a great uncle and he taught me how to ride my bike to the zoo from lake city!

[joanie]

420, too bad your comment about Ross isn't on a more current thread. It was wise and thoughtful.

I think you have put your finger on just why it is I like Dave Ross so much.

As I recall, people took a sense of pride in working for Fredricks. And back in those days, you could ride your bike anywhere! My blue Schwinn and I covered all of Queen Anne Hill from the waterfront to Ballard. And we went over the hill as well as around it.

[Seattle420]

it is on the seattle pi forum web site, it hasn't got any feedback because no one can disaggree
that site is such a joke as is all of seattle's so called modern world of the world wide web.
we have all this technology and so much talent here in seattle that the best that the seattle media can come up with is the Ron and Don show and Dori Monson-

[Seattle420]

"once upon a huffy and a three speed schwinn"
was a great song by dandilion soup does anyone have a copy?

[Seattle420]

"once upon a huffy and a three speed schwinn"
was a great song by dandilion soup does anyone have a copy?

[seattle420]

for some reason Talk radio in seattle is basically dead from the ground up
we have no more OPEN LINE TIME whatsover
now we have "entertainment" in the form of talk radio
we used to have honesty and integrity on the radio but that all died when MIKE WEBB was tragically murdered. somewhere in seattle there ought to be a statue of MIKE WEBB!
if anyone ever writes a book abbout Mike Webb they need to contact me.

[joanie]

but 420, don't they get the ratings? Can it be? People are not as smart as they used to be?

According to our stellar and wise host on this blog, all the smart people are listening to public radio. KUOW (KPLU?) reigns supreme.

Am now gone for the evening.

[seattle420]

for some reason Talk radio in seattle is basically dead from the ground up
we have no more OPEN LINE TIME whatsover
now we have "entertainment" in the form of talk radio
we used to have honesty and integrity on the radio but that all died when MIKE WEBB was tragically murdered. somewhere in seattle there ought to be a statue of MIKE WEBB!
if anyone ever writes a book abbout Mike Webb they need to contact me.

[litlnemo]

I was at Frederick and Nelson's in December 1968 too, and have the photo to prove it!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/litlnemo/2208389373/

[The Beat Rabban (formerly Gay Gary)]

What's Fredrick and Nelson?

[kevin]

You are losing your touch, Gay Gary..getting a little sloppy with your game.

[The Beast Rabban (formerly Gay Gary)]

Nevermind, I wikipedia'ed it.

(BTW - How is not knowing about a department store that closed when I was 13 months old mean I'm "sloppy" with my "game"?)

[nevets]

"My blue Schwinn and I covered all of Queen Anne Hill from the waterfront to Ballard"

Dori Monson also talks alot of riding his Blue Schwinn throught the streets of Ballard. Did you ever happen to run into Dori in all those travels of yours through the mean streets of Ballard Joanie? Or maybe bumped into him at Marie's Cafe?

[joanie]

I doubt now that I'd know if I did or didn't. There were lots of us riding those mean streets.

Most of riding was down at Kinnear Park and along Interbay. We had "wilderness" in those days. All condos now. My second favorite place was Rogers Park by SPU. There were dirt bluffs that we slid down on pieces of cardboard. It was really very scary at the time.

I was way too young to have money to spend at Marie's Cafe.

Nice memories. Kids don't have half the fun today. But, I'm sure they don't know it.

[sparky]

Duffman, I try to talking to you, but I never know if your response will be about what I wrote or if it will just be an insult. Life is just too short.

[sparky]

wrong thread, sorry. But, the message is the same regardless of the topic.

[Duffman]

Thank you for speaking directly to me this time. It's (life) just as short, whether you're speaking to or about me. My responses have not always been of an insulting nature, can you say the same.

[sparky]

Yes I can say that my responses have not always been of an insulting nature. How long can you chat on here, do you think, without insulting the messenger? If I choose to say nothing instead of making an insulting comeback, then I am accused of "being afraid" or taking off rather than "face facts" rather than just choosing to end a silly argument. It is pointless.

[PugetSound]

wouldn't it be more mature to just say, 'look, i thought i had the data but it turns out i didn't' instead of what you do?
seriously. why is it so hard to tell a 17 year old that he was correct?

[Seattle420lover]

I posted this cross post because it is about a very interseting topic I am only guessing that my posts are being responeded to by a king county cop on his patrol car computer-
the guy who busted me lately for 2 grams was posting on the internet as he decided to take me too jail.
even after he new that I was a stroke victim, he just wanted to punish me. now this poster *SEEEKER*
has made it his duty to respond to my every letter to the editor or posting on the Seattle Pi news
forum