With all the heartfelt foofaraw about the beloved Tim Russert, we must dredge up The Celebrity Death channel, an old post from 2005 we wrote during the last Pope's period of mourning which lingered for a Princess Dianesque period of time all over the media.
Russert's funeral will be closed to the public, but will be televised by MSNBC and made available for broadcast by other media outlets.
Our solution to the imminent smarm-fed bore-fest and subsequent loss of national productivity caused by these endless public memorials is for the cable companies to put up the Celebrity Death Channel (CDC).
When a notable shuffles the mortal coil, here would be a 24/7 place for remembrances, caskets, biers, corteges, catafalques, riderless horses and empty boots. There'll be Lilies of the Valley and teddy bears, stirring words, and precious moments; teary eyes, eerie ties and candles lit by the 1000. You'll hear Gregorian chants, taps; and 'Amazing Grace' played on bagpipe, bugle, organ and fleugel or sung by overdressed children or the Norman Naberclacle Choir.
The Celebrity Death Channel could be a heartfelt place for those actually interested in mourning a public figure in the comfort of their own home with a few million close friends, and strive to attain that blessed Nirvana of our age: closure.
The post has drawn nearly a million readers since it was written. A British company is offering pay-per-view webcasts of funerals these days, a positive step toward the digitatization of death. We don't flatter ourselves (actually, we do) that we might have helped inspire that innovation.
Even with the wall-to-wall death coverage over the weekend of this teevee personality, Russert's passing hasn't reached the extreme lengths or tedium of that of a pope, princess or an ex-president, but it's lasted long enough to inspire such as Dori Monson to rip Russert, the coverage and NBC apart and cause discomfort by such as the progressive cartoonist Horsey.
The CDC treatment of this sad story would be a nice, respectable way for those who want to mourn as long as they want; and would leave the rest of the media for those of us who want less.
Excellent idea. We also need a "Blond Woman in Distress" channel so all those missing women can be shown 24/7 until someone finds them.
Posted by: sparky | June 17, 2008 at 05:09 PM
Sparky
That is a damn good idea. LMAO.
May I suggest that if the run out of blondes in distress that we can also run some 'To Catch A Predator' episodes.
Posted by: PugetSound | June 17, 2008 at 05:55 PM
Sometimes Mike Malloy sounds bored. "Thanks for checkin' in" over and over. Tonight is one of those nights.
He does his best to keep the caller talking. Sometimes his response is just a little off...
Posted by: joanie hussein | June 17, 2008 at 11:54 PM
It would be the Ultimate Reality Television.
Posted by: howie in seattle | June 18, 2008 at 07:13 AM