Hutcherson on the commentators: when the fox preaches, look to the geese!

Ken Schram: Your plan is like trying to urinate up a rope, if you catch my drift...

Rev. Ken "Hutch" Hutcherson: You know how many people have told me this won't work? But everything I've ever tried people have told me won't work-- the only difference is... I have an awfully big God, Ken.

Schram: I have the same God.

Hutch: You ought to trust Him sometime.

Schram: I do... implicitly--  and he tells me you're just a pain in the butt.

Despite suffering from an apparent bout of the Ebonic plague, fag-baiter Rev. Ken Hutch Hutcherson appeared Tuesday on the The Commentators KVI m-f, 3-6p) perpetuating his latest Christianist scam.

This time it's just comical, craven and way less scary than usual.

(Our God is a little different than The One these gentlemen harken to. Our Guy can't be bothered with "values" issues. But we can say that if we ever tried to get away with something in His Name like Hutch is trying in the name of his man, Jesus, we'd be in for some spectacular, tentacular whoop-ass).

Hutcherson is the proprietor of Antioch Bible Church in Microsoft's hometown of Redmond.

Hutch, in his new role as "salt of the earth," (as in "the light of the world") is again trying to smite his old nemesis, Microsoft. It sounds like the Word of God, but It smells like Biblical vengeance after the Lazy M kicked his righteous ass seven ways from Sunday, two years ago.

His new headline grabbing, self-promoting fundraising scheme is a new organization, called redundantly, Antioch Global Network Financial Network, and it's to launch a high-profile campaign to get fellow religionists to load up on Microsoft Corp. stock, in an attempt to force the company to "stop financing ungodly ventures."

He's asking Christianists to buy 3 shares of Microsoft, and donate one to AGNFN.

Hutch says: "We got to just get enough [stock] and convince the shareholders that we are a force and we stick together in unity and put a resolution on our stock to not be steppin' outside our four walls."

Resolutions on the stock shares? We musta missed that in that sophomore finance class we took, but Hutch says once the righteous reach critical mass amongst Microsoft stockholders, they'll demand that Microsoft stop "pushing their agenda outside of their four walls." Read: support gay rights or gay marriage legislation in the Legislature.

Even though conservative John Carlson told him this cockamamie idea won't work, all Hutch's dissembling got his name in the papers, and earned him a Schrammie.

(Hutch's strategy is based on the false premise that Microsoft has but "four walls." We've been to Redmond-- they're richer in walls than about anything. Hell, the famous "series of tubes," is actually a series of cubicles with more walls than Chinese nunnery).

In a piece for the Seattle P-I-- reporter Andrea James wrote:

It's unclear what effect, if any, the initiative could have on the stock price. It would be difficult to influence company direction -- just to gain a 1 percent stake in Microsoft, about 31 million people would each have to spend $104 to buy three shares. Microsoft has about 9.36 billion outstanding shares, and its largest holder is Chairman Bill Gates, with 858 million shares, or 9 percent of the total. Capital Research and Management Co. follows with nearly 557 million shares, or 6 percent.

So since this has almost zero chance of being effective: why would the Good Reverend be asking the suckers to buy Microsoft stock and be giving it to him?

We're reminded of the German proverb: "When the fox preaches, look to the geese."

Inside those famous four thousand walls,Microsoft and its libertine employees must be having a gay old time living-up that ungodly lifestyle like crazy. (Maybe there's a more "Biblical" meaning to the word, software) The company offers benefits to same-sex domestic partners, and its in-house employee GLEAM, (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Employees at Microsoft) has more than 700 members. (No wonder nothing gets done out there...)

Hutch explained to The Tators, and the listening audience: "I've never axed Microsoft to once change any of their policies inside their four walls. When you step outside your four walls and make your policy my policy, there's a problem. You're not just interested in making to make a state policy, you're just interested in trying to shut me up."

Unfortunately, there's been no sign of that yet-- he went to the annual shareholder's meeting in November, and told them that he was getting evangelicals, Catholics, Jews and Muslims together and storm the campus. "I could work with you," he said, "or I could be your worst nightmare, because I am a black man with a righteous cause, with a host of powerful white people behind me. I hope to hear from you and if not, you will hear from me."

Apparently he never heard from them, and now we are. But if this is the worst nightmare he can come up with, the Dallas Cowboy turned mega-church entrepreneur has lost his teeth.

Hutch is still mad after 2005, when Microsoft supported, but suddenly withdrew its support after his perfervid lobbying against a state bill that would have barred sexual-orientation-based workplace discrimination.

He described the legislative mishegoss, thus:

"Two years ago, we was down in Olympia, lobbying against this bill giving them their equal rights. You know where I stand on the Bible, and number 2, on the aspects of when the homosexual community sayin' they're just like the black community about being discriminated against- I was offended on both sides."

(Schram asked, hilariously: "Both sides? Are you gay, Hutch? Hutcherson said, "No, but I'm very happy-- the gay community stole the word gay, I just want to take it back, Ken." Schram: "OK, you can have it back.")

The bill failed, and John Carlson said Hutch made the mistake (humble Christian shepherd that he is) of bragging about his Davidian victory over the corporate Goliath.

After his spouting off to the media, the poo hit the air conditioning. Gay groups, The Stranger and GLEAM jumped on Microsoft for bowing to the pressure from this demagogue. Microsoft changed back to its traditional gay-friendly stances, and last year a substantive gay rights bill was passed despite Hutch's threats.

"These corporations that have been getting a free ride on influencing society," he asks, "and they've been doing it for years, and years and years. It came to me: where's all this money, where's all this influence coming from to be pushing these agendas we believe are against Judeo-Christian values and good traditional family and traditional marriage?"

(Hutch made headlines last year by traveling to Latvia and falsely claiming he was sent by the White House, who promptly denied it. And then hanging out with some visiting Latvian anti-gay extremists known for their violence got him all written up in the hate watch blogs).

So now, vengeance is his-- or this laughable attempt at it-- wrapped in a cloak of righteousness with an empty collection plate plate in its hand.

Comments

[ZANZIBAR]

Who cares? Why aren't we discussing Too Beautiful to Live today?

[Upton]

Unfortunately, Hutcherson, both in word and deed, is too ugly to die.

[Upton]

Unfortunately, Hutcherson, both in word and deed, is too ugly to die.

[judgenot]

How absolutely rude! None of God's children are ugly. You will have to answer for your 'ugly' attitude.

[Recife]

Hey, don't be calling him a Dallas Cowboy. The last eam he played for was the Gayhawks..........I mean the Seahawks

[sparky]

Hey this sounds like a GREAT idea!
I think I will try it..

Ok, listen up everyone who reads this blog. I command you to go out and buy as many Microsoft shares as you can afford--hell, take out a loan so you can buy more than you can afford--and send them all to ME!

Cool...I'll be waiting!

[andrews]

Well sparkly if I would have given you 1-share of MS stock in 1987, you'd have 288 shares today.

[coiler]

I wonder if he showered with Jack Kemp?

[cowpotpi3]

I guess the collection box isn't as full as he would like.

[Chris Trager]

Gay rights is the civl rights issue of our time. Why in hell does anyone listen to this guy? He's so hate-filled and out of step with the 21st century, even Carlson doesn't buy his shit anymore, or even other evangelical leaders like Joe Fuiton.

[Fremont]

Why do people listen, you axe? Because Hutch is "a black man with a righteous cause, with a host of powerful white people behind me." Wow! That's powerful reason to listen!

[Catlin Capital]

I am getting sick of all this Seahawks talk. KIRO should just throw their arms up and become a 24/7 sports radio station. I don't get it. Am I missing something?

Email me for a toxic loan.

[andrews]

Yes, your obviously missing your 12th man loyalty! KIRO expects you to be 'foamin-at-the-mouth' for the blood of 'Hawk opposition.
That is until they get their ass kicked tomorrow by the 'Pack, then it's all over pal and you will not hear the heated ferver from KIRO again (until next year, that is).

[wutitiz]

Did anyone notice that Pat Robertson predicted last year that there would be a massive terrorist attack on a U.S. city, possibly nuclear, tho the Lord didn't specifically mention 'nuclear.' It was to happen sometime during the 2nd half of 2007.

[Catlin Capital]

Wutitiz

It happened....

OJ storms a Las Vegas hotel room

God's people prayed and prevented the disaster according to Pat.

[HappyHeathen]

Hutcherson, besides having never missed a meal, might have some personal problems of his own. That is usually the case with people who talk the loudest about being gay. You don't suppose?

[coiler and crew]

Indeed. Usually there are issues...

[wutitiz]

That's a good one Catlin. I see the Juice was sent back to jail.

(blank) that sounds like kind of a 'pat' answer hehe. Why don't they apply that technique all the time? For example, why didn't they just pray for quick & full victory in Iraq? Then voila, all those flower-tossing, U.S. flag-waving Iraqis that the CIA forecast would have been reality, and we'd be looking at a Rummy 08 landslide.

[Catlin Capital]

Ron and Don just got SMACKED by a couple of DJ's in Wisconsin.