Tuesday oddems: dry humping saves lives; librarian porn; free fm- free at last; schram blames victim, eats the black bird; lutefisking the issues; outercourse with your inner child; clench-sphinctered, war mongering, altar boys; and: we have standards!

~ Lutefisk has been a standby for Northwest "comedians," since Stan Boreson. Just mention the odiferous Norwegian seafood- and you'll get a laugh- at least you would have in 1952! Sytman & Boze (KVI m-f, 5-9a) aged 37, and 34, respectively, joked over two days  on their show about a lutefisk eating contest and stirred up enough complaints that even we heard about it. The topic may have been tailored for their aged audience, or- as we suspect- they themselves consider lutefisk funny. It isn't, and as a talk radio topic, it's one of the losing-est we've ever heard. The crunchy conservative talkers should go back to mocking the homeless and putting a schmutz on people who ride bicycles.

~ Celebrity rape talkers Anthony & Opie, suspended from XM satellite radio, bitterly complained recently, "We're being held to the same standard as NPR!" to which Peter Sagal of NPR's Wait, Wait don't Tell Me (KUOW Saturdays, 10-11a) asked, "We have standards? Let's go to break before somebody holds us to them!"

~ Book lust, Babes with Books- yum!

~~Did you ever think you'd hear the words, "I'm sorry," out of KVI contrarian/libertarian Ken Schram's (The Commentators; m-f, 9p-12p) mouth? Dep't of Corrections Olympia offices were evacuated Friday after Schram ineptly sent a package sans return address containing a bobble head doll of himself to corrections chief, Harold Clarke. (It was an award, ironically, for Clarke's ineptitude). Schram speculated on his show that Clarke might have engineered the evacuation to get back at him, but no one was buying that one. Schram's apology from the KOMO Web site: "To the 350 people forced to scurry from their workplace: I'm sorry. To the Tumwater police and state patrol bomb squad who responded and handled things proficiently and professionally: I'm sorry." He didn't apologize for being a pompous, self-mentioning ass- what kind of person has a bobble-head made of himself? But he did say he's sending as penance, 35 dozen Krispy Kremes to the injured parties. (donuts? is that stereotyping cops?) He'll have them delivered, he says, because, "I sure as hell ain't mailing them!" Despite the upside of the obvious headline bonanza generated by the incident, KVI suits are wondering if it might be the bomb-like qualities of The Commentators that's made all the listeners evacuate.

~ Google keywords, "Rush Limbaugh" + "May 25, 2007" + "vagina," and you'll get, for some mysterious and wonderfully synchronistic reason, to BlatherWatch. Enter the ever-popular Googlianic search words, "pecksniffian dry humping" you'll find us, too. (dry humping is a cause we've long been proud to lend our name- we're only too happy to help the Dry Humping Saves Lives movement which promotes "outercourse" for teens. Get the T-shirt here.

~ Sean Hannity, (KVI m-f, 12-3p) that clench-sphinctered, war mongering altar boy is so uptight, he wouldn't wear a Hawaiian shirt... even in Hawaii! He did a show from Pearl Harbor last week wearing his suit and tie on the lanai- and a black golf shirt when he was getting down. While we've never been slaves to fashion (despite Steve Scher's recent note of our "sartorial splendor") we need to ask: what the fuck do you wear in Hawaii if not a Hawaiian shirt??? Even Dwight Eisenhower wore one in the Aloha State- they are to doing business in Honolulu what a Brooks Brother 3-button suit is to doing business on Wall Street.

~ "Increasingly, conservative talk radio is not calling itself conservative. I don't think it's only because conservativism is coming into disrepute. Michael Savage is trashing George Bush almost every day. ... it's that talk radio hosts are finding their own stride and their own niche in their own areas of passion. They're going for that, and building a brand that is independent of a political label. I think that's the next step for progressive talk radio. You're going to see talent breaking out into the larger mainstream of talk radio, and not be called progressive or liberal talk radio, but simply be called good talk radio that engages people. ~ Thom Hartmann in Buzzflash's fine interview here.

~ Dr. Laura Schlessinger had a bad month. First she caught national hell after she attacked military wives for being "whiners;" then sociopath/soldier boy son Deryk, 21, was investigated by the Army for the cartoon images of rape, murder, torture, and child molestation on his MySpace page. The next week she stepped down from her pulpit as columnist for the Santa Barbara News-Press saying she wanted more time away from her family. See Dr. Laura naked here.

~ After 17 months, New York's Free FM (talk that rocks") went back to music. In the most recent Arbitron ratings, the station was not in the Top 20 overall in the nation's largest radio market. This is the station with the puerile JV and Elvis", who made headlines after they prank-called a Chinese restaurant and made obnoxious on-air racist remarks to the Chinese guy taking their fake order. They will stay in the frying pan a little ways- Anthony & Opie will anchor the mornings. Does this hail the end the recent industry dabbling into FM talk? We hope so- so-called Free FM sucks even worse than AM talk (or what it's become).

Comments

[Andrew]

You say that the new radio will be "good talk radio" as opposed to partisan radio, but telling people what they want to hear is all they were doing before and it's what they're doing now. They want to hear that the mistakes were made by practitioners and not the practice.

Prior to Nov. '06 it was "liberals hate the America", which is an ideological attack, and now it's "Bush is bastardizing conservatism" or "the war has been badly mismanaged", which is an attack on implementation of ideology. Nothing has realy changed. Things will soon be back to normal.

After Hillary beats Thompson in '08, I can't think of any reason why there won't be a replay of talk radio in the late nineties, with conservative talkers crying "the damn hippies are corrupting our values!"

[Tommy008]

Tom Leykis is now the afternoon anchor of "FREEFM" across the country. The toxic, self-obsessed toad has been given a fifty percent raise and new broadcast digs on the premises of Paramount Studios as past of his new deal with CBS Radio. The constantly female-threatened Leykis recently insisted to a young woman who mentioned she owned her own house that she hadn't paid for it herself- no, "dear", some sugar daddy man surely must of bought it for the little lady. When the slightly post-college age woman replied that not only had she paid for it herself but also built it herself, the Archie Bunker-like geezer was temporarily catatonic due to the cognitive dissonance she had created with him. The best Tom Leykis program on the air isn't the actual Tom Leykis afternoon show, or his Saturday syndicated show on wine, but the satirical Tom Leykis impressions that Brian Whitman does on KLSX's Conway and Whitman Show for their local from L.A. audience from 8-11 p.m., after 5 hours of Leykis on their station. The fact that Leykis doesn't really care for Whitman and his impressions of him, is a good thing.

[Tommy008]

Another thing on Leykis- have you noticed that in addition to his omnipresent "dear", the little man has added his new constant patronization term of "darling". I found this rather sickening, even though I've never been a particular feminist, just one who thinks it's probably a good thing we're no longer living in the fifties.

[joanie]

Another good post, Michael. I loved Stan Boreson and he did make lutefisk funny. I was a regular watcher.

Also, some interesting thoughts about talk radio. Have to agree with Andrew that conservatives have unleashed a kind of radio that will be back once a Dem is back in the White House. It works for them and the public has a short memory. Even for war.

[Robinz]

Joanie, before I forget, the other day you mentioned podcasting and if you have to pay. Now I do pay for AA and Stephanie Miller but I just found Open Source with Christopher Lyden from NPR and it's free. Very interesting show. I'm going to have to check with NPR and see what else they podcast.

Robin

[sig]

Where is our local Free FM? I miss The Buzz, I miss Tom Leykis and Howard Stern. Where's Mancow? Believe it or not on my commute, I sometimes need to duck out of my NPR for a little relief and meanspirited irreverence. I like the feeling that a host may say something dangerous or that could get him kicked off the air. There used to be places to hear that, no more. Ron & Don just act stupid, theres no edge.

[joanie]

Robin . . . I used to listen to Open Source quite a bit. Yes, I like it although Lydon sometimes gets on my nerves. He has some odd articulation habits . . . probably won't bother you. I streamed him on the computer.

Thanks for your suggestion. I think we might have similar tastes. I've been so loyal to Randi Rhodes lately and it has been merging into Mike Malloy. Love their passion!

Also, check out Living on Earth www.loe.org This show is so cool. It is obviously focused on the environment but Steve tries to be impartial. He has very interesting topics. You can even hear a sound segment . . . a few seconds of a bird sound or something else from nature. Don't see it on the show this week which is featuring Rachel Carson of Silent Spring. Check it out. It is different. Unusual stories.

Sig, I agree. I love NPR when it doesn't put me to sleep! Too much passion right now. I need something to keep my feisty and fierce!

Ron and Don are the epitome of dumb but I like their banter and sometimes get caught up in it.

Honestly the only people I turn off regularly are Monson and Shiers. I can listen to just about everybody else - on KIRO. Well, I never listen to Vinnie . . . I agree with Dale on that one.

[rakesh]

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