High resolutions, 2006: no more mr. nice guy

It's hard to make New Year's resolutions in January. This is the time, we're expected for some reason to tote up the past year, and make up hopeful new intentions for the next.

It's the cold, dead season, when everyone's pinning their hopes on a daffodilian solstice that seems laughably (if not insanely) distant and unlikely.

(Frankly, at this bleak time of year we're more inclined to eat chocolate madeleines dipped absent-mindedly into caramel; pull the down up closer to our chins- and hope hopefulness will come to us later. Like in Spring, maybe, with all its sexy fecundity- or Fall, with its brisk relief of the summer dog days and evokes feck and pluck).

But as with other seasonal customs over which we have no control, (such as Xmas, Cinco de Mayo, the Feast of St. Bliven's, or Mom's birthday) we know we must succumb. In order to be a better blog- a trimmer, more attractive blog- we're sucking it up out of our raging ennui to present our Blathering Resolutions for 2007.

1. This year, we're gonna listen to talk radio; No, really! so you won't have to- we should- we will, we swear! ...owning a radio blog just about requires that- it's the least we can do. Frankly, we're falling into the habit that national trends are showing so many have: talk radio has gotten stale, and we're not listening as much as we once did.   

2. We resolve to get more exorcise: and expunge the demons of neoconservatism, transfats; overwriting, cheeses that get runny, run-on sentences, running, sex marathons, mare sexathons, entomophagy, Bill O'Reilly, brioche, largesse, and small government.

3. We resolve to write more about Republicans. They're way more interesting than Democrats and it's so fun to watch them writhe in agony after the salt poured on them in November. If you don't believe us, listen to Republican Radio (KVI Saturdays 4-5p; KKOL; Saturdays 10-Noon; Sundays 5-6p).

4. We pledge to publish more good, healthy, radio gossip. Got any?

5. We pledge to stop flame baiting Frank Shiers, Bryan Styble, Mike Webb, Ryan Blethen, Stefan Song-Sharkansky, Tom Clendening, and Dori Monson. You notice the people we bait are usually as immature as we are. If we grow up and take the first step, we know these guys will respond in kind: Frank will stop feigning laughter; Bryan will quit speaking entirely; Mike will lose some weight, learn to control his temper and plead guilty. Ryan will take the stick out of his ass; Stefan will get his wife to buy him a sense of humor and will start getting her dinner on the table on time; Tom will hire somebody really good and liberal for weeknight evenings; and Dori will get a face lift and stop acting like a snide punk.

6. We promise to cover more national talk shows. Our readers are listening to more syndicated radio, and Seattle stations seem to be incrementally giving up live and local.

7. We're gonna put more pictures up on BlatherWatch.

8. Learn how to say "Way to go!" in Japanese. 

9. This year we'll publish more recipes. "Do what you know," they say, and if nothing else we know, it's how to cook.

10. We resolve to stop staring into the refrigerator while writing. It gets cold, especially when we're wearing the briefs, and ruins the Jello.

11. In 2007, it's "i" after "e" except after "c" or die.

12.We promise to order more Chinese food in 2007, and stop sending instant messages to Frank Shiers that say, "Fuck you, Frank."

13. This year we're going to meet Rachel Maddow.

14. We gonna work on our punctuation?! really...

15. We're going to live up to the David Postman's journalistic expectations of us.

Comments

[joanie]

Michael, you're a poet! And, finally, some chocolate!

"that seems laughably (if not insanely) distant and unlikely."

I was beginning to think that you were succumbing to the time when "...yellow leaves, or none or few do..." Glad to see you snapped out of it to embrace another spring!

Enjoyed each and every one except your resolve to diminish blog space on Dori and Frank. I enjoy the master's flogging of said hosts.

But, I do have one question: how does one increase "good, healthy radio gossip" and, at the same, live up to "Postman's journalistic expectations?"

[mercifurious]

5. We pledge to stop flame baiting Frank Shiers, Bryan Styble, Mike Webb, Ryan Blethen, Stefan Song-Sharkansky, Tom Clendening, and Dori Monson. You notice the people we bait are usually as immature as we are.

I sure hope I'm not included in the "we". Or at the very least, let's delay this resolution until after the Webb trial.

Seriously, Bla'M. Tis the season of goat-giving. If they continue to hand em over, why stop?

[why not]

"7. We're gonna put more pictures up on BlatherWatch."
I couldn't stand the week this was up -
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y208/mercifuln8/Glenn.jpg

PLEASE NO PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mt stomach can't take it!!!!!
thanx

[mercifurious]

Why not:
I couldn't stand the week this was up -
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y208/mercifuln8/Glenn.jpg

Yes I know I know! But as mentioned before in Glenn Beck Mad libs, the following statement needed a visual aid:

"Without even knowing who he is, Glenn Beck's face just begs for a back-hand
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin"

[Rich]

Hammer on I say. I just bought an I pod. I am glad your listing so I do not have to

[Dana]

I just saw a tv commercial Dori does. EEEEEEEEEEEK!

a) He must really need/want the money to risk exposing his hideous mug like that

b) How did they find a camera that wouldn't break?

[sparky]

NO naked pictures of Michele Malkin, please.

[joanie]

ditto that :)

[Dale]

Well Vinnie was back from his english classes and it appears Vinnie recived an F , but got an A+ in one sitting he eat 43 double double Dick burgers with in 4 min 32 seconds .Back to the bad news Vinnie Still wants to Wiff us, about 12 times thru his show.
diff
datt
ting
Doaa
AUUU about 60 time!
diss
here is a good show New york Vinnie and Mc Styblhead boast to boast , I just wonder how long Vinnie would go with out flicking the Styblehead in the back of the ear !

[sparky]

A reputable source I know intimately said that Thom Hartmann has predicted that Cheney will be resigning soon, and a possible replacement is Chuck Hagel.

[lukobe]

Didn't realize you traveled in such circles, Sparky! :)

Wikipedia:
"According to a SurveyUSA poll, Hagel has a 10% higher approval rating among Nebraska Democrats than Republicans.[8] On the Issues rates Hagel as a "libertarian-leaning conservative.""

Sounds like a definite step up!

[Steve]

How about Dr. Edgar "Choch" Manaña, will he be back this year to give us his insight on some topic or another?

[Trip]

Hagel has been an outspoken war critic for a long time; that automatically disqualifies him from entering the hallowed Bush circle. It ain't gonna happen.

It would be a shrewd political move if Bush actually offered that up to Hagel, but when's the last time Bush did something like that on his own? (Harriet Miers, anyone?)

If Cheney has to go, Rove will have Bush give a team player like Condi Rice the VP job, which has the bonus effect of taking the wind out of any Obama or Hillary announcement headlines for 2008.

Either that, or he'll punt and dig up an old Poppy loyalist from the Rolodex like he did for SecDef Gates.

[sparky]

oooohhhhh

Keith Olbermann rocks

You may have to scroll down a bit. The only thing he left out was Bush saying that the Noah's Ark flood created the Grand Canyon!--and the National Park Service can no longer refer to the scientific time-line.

[joanie]

What is a libertarian-leaning conservative? I mean, what's the libertarian part and what's the conservative part?

I can't figure that one out, Sparky. And Trip, with all the bad news about Iraq, I think Condi is pretty compromised herself.

The problem with teaching is that I'm missing all the good radio in the morning - Ross and Hartmann.

Although, I can stream Hartmann at 9pm from AA . . . and listen to Ross starting at 1 AM. Think I'm up to it, Sparky?

Dale, I wonder how Styble would respond to that? They might end up chasing each other around the studio . . . (laughing here)

[joanie]

Sorry, just checked and AA is airing Franken again at this time . . .

[sparky]

oh i love to sleep...why do you like staying up so late? of course you probably dont have to be at school at 6;45 like i do........the butt crack of dawn, as i call it...

[Steve]

Sparky, that was the GREAT FLOOD, Noah's Ark was a vessel built at God's command to save Noah, his family, and a core stock of the world's animals.

[lukobe]

I assume a libertarian-leaning conservative is someone who identifies as conservative, but who nevertheless holds some libertarian beliefs. Sort of like my analogue on the right. Such a person (I'm not talking about Hagel in particular here) might identify as conservative but nevertheless be pro-choice, anti-drug war, etc.

[Steve]

Well as profiteering goes, Olberman is sure doing a good job at it, but at least he is repectful to the president. Maybe some here should follow suit.

[joanie]

Well, I'm wondering on what you're basing the "step up." Don't you have to know which views are libertarian and which conservative? Or are we just talking labels again?

[joanie]

Steve is talking about his golden-haired fantasy, you, Sparky. Sure ain't me.

[joanie]

My last little comment for the night: I wish KIRO'd put Goldstein on in the early evening. I listened quite a bit last week and I liked him. He's pretty smooth, a fast thinker, was always respectful and reminds me more and more of Ross and Reagan. I think he really fits in well with those two.

[lukobe]

Cheney is a nightmare. Frankly, almost anything is a step up from him.

So, anyway, looking at his record, I see why he is rated a libertarian-leaning conservative: they're using the Nolan chart. http://www.ontheissues.org/Senate/Chuck_Hagel.htm We differ on a lot of issues, but it looks like his support of immigration pushes him away from the type of Republican that currently dominates the government. So that makes him--to me--marginally better. He's no Ron Paul, though. I don't like the anti-choice, anti-flag-burning bits about him.

[Postman]

Michael, have no worry, you always meet my expectations.

Really, though, I love gossip, particularly media gossip, so keep it up. Just because I do something different doesn't mean I judge everyone with a keyboard by the standards of the scrappy little family newspaper I work for.

Happy New Year.

[sparky]

i always get Rue Paul and Ron Paul mixed up

[lukobe]

I wonder what RuPaul's politics are like?