Blathering 2006: the best, the worst, the merely mildly entertaining PART DEUX

~RUSH LIMBAUGH CONTINUED TO GIFT BLATHERWATCH with his noxious exudations both ideological and intestinal. In 2005, his public flatus made headlines as friends made hard left turns, lovers became downwinders, and employees turned up their noses. But in 2006, the tabloids reported that Big Pants had found a support group and a line of flame-retardant flatulence odor products.

MORE BLATHERFODDER BY THE FLATULENT FULMINATOR: in April, Big Pants was arrested after his celebrity lawyer got him the deal of a lifetime for the charges against him for illegally attaining prescription drugs. He was taken into custody, booked, a happy-face mugshot á la Tom Delay was taken before being released after bailing himself out with $3000. This at 4p on a Friday afternoon when the media ebb is at its lowest and least-read. Always more libertine than libertarian, the blabber magnate was detained again in June, in the Palm Beach Airport coming in from the Dominican Republic with a bottle of Viagra without a prescription. We never really thought he'd done much wrong, but it was hilarious see his sexuality or lack thereof so widely publicized. The Third World country is known for sex tourism; a great place for fat guys to get laid; and he took along a drug for erectile dysfunction. We can't be too judgmental about a little Caribbean chuffing- big fat idiots get to have sex, too. But hell, that's what you'd expect us to think-we're liberals! tBut this "boys weekend" as Rush called it, flies in the face of fundamentalist biblical morality that defines sex a sin if it's not in the marital bed. We wonder what Big Pants' cohorts in the "values-community" such as Jerry Falwell, Phyllis Schlafly, and Rev. Ken Hutcherson think about his pre-marital chuff-chuff? Cable news reported that according to the Customs declaration, Rush had 30 Viagras going down, and only 29 nine coming home- that ain't much of a sex weekend.

~PAT O'DAY was the Chairman of the Board, the Grand Poobah, the Top Dog, the Big Kahuna of Seattle rock radio and Pacific Northwest rock & roll business for decades. Now retired in Friday Harbor, he's a wealthy man; hopelessly Republican, a spokesman for Schick-Schadel Hospital, and ... a BlatherWatch fan. (Ol' Blathe, he calls us). We got Pat to write a two-part piece, here and here  on the state of Seattle talk radio- he wasn't amused. 

THE DORI MONSON OPEN. In March, we asked our readers to send us love notes or hate mail about Dori Monson (KIRO m-f, 11-4p) since we weren't up to actually listening to him long enough to give him an honest assessment. Boy did we get an earful! It was woefully short of love notes- though we published everything we got...

PERNICIOUS MOMENTS, 2006: DORI AND ANN COULTER-  he most outrageous thing about Dori's "interview" of the sharp-elbowed Connecticut harpy with the toothed and leathery nether parts was a story he told as he was prostrating before her. He said his 16-year-old daughter had been offered extra-credit in a science class if they went to Gore's movie on global warming, An Inconvenient Truth. She and her mother didn't see the movie, he said, but instead went to the theater, bought a ticket so the teen could lie to the teacher, and get the credit. Dori said they bought her the ticket to "take advantage of the system, but not make our daughter sit through two hours of tedium like that." Buying that ticket is what conservatives might call, "investing in education;" but liberals would call it cheating. Dori's daughter complained, Dori denied the story in later broadcasts; and readers flooded our comment strings and Dori's mailbox.

WE ASK THE QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS: such as, Frank Shiers: why?

HONORARY WASP, 2006: Dan Sytman says he's Jewish, but wouldn't he make a great W.A.S.P.?

R.I.P. 2006: Some notables and some merely annoying left Seattle radio this year, all to be

celebrated in a Blathering blaze of glory. In January, KIRO closed down the fizzled-out and, sadly liberal Erin Hart Show after a seven year run. Erin does fill-ins in Denver, we hear, and has gone back to school. Also in January, Mercer Island's Rabbi Daniel Lapin, the right-wing's house Hebre sullied by revelations deep involvement in the Jack Abramoff influence peddling, money laundering scandal, called it quits on Seattle's KTTH. He began on Sunday afternoon's San Francisco's KSFO, where he works for infamous former KIRO PD Ken "I Lost the Mariners but found God" Berry. In February, longtime overnighter Lou Pate gave up trying to be promoted to a spot in a reasonable hour; and told KIRO to take this job and... well, give it to somebody else. He moved on to Miami and does national fill-in work. Just as he always predicted, Pate proved to be irreplaceable- KIRO never filled his shoes- the overnight was given on a permanent temporary basis to the peripatetic, off-kilter, know-it-all Bryan Styble, who was fired in October and replaced by The Midnight Trucking Radio Network, an all-night infomercial for trucking products by a couple ex-truckers whom no one listened to. They're being replaced in January with Dave Ross re-runs; effectively ending an historic run by the heritage KIRO of live and local radio. May1st. Actor John Procaccino left after months of filling-in and the KIRO 9 ta noon, Bob Van Dyne, whose mom called him Coco, and was otherwise known as DJ NoBrain on a local rocker was KIRO's great white hope for the 9-midnight, but he quit KIRO to go back to The End, where he is presumably cherished.

BEST OF ODDEMS
  "Oddems," a feature than gives us license to put lots of dubious information into bitchy bits. The word we stole from Herb Caen, late of the SF Chronicle- it's 3-dot journalism without the dots (and some would argue, without the journalism.)

~Always self-obsessed, we've focused dysfunctionally on phrases that when stuck into a search engine would bring up BlatherWatch (but a tiny nibble of the Extra Value Meal that is our narcissism). Honestly, we can't help it if you google "listening to women poop" and get BlatherWatch. And as far as what you might dredge up if you search "oldman incest reality?" we know nothing. More search "fun" phrases that we noted over the year were not exactly flattering: like "freaky diaper sex?" and "pictures of middle schoolers getting bullied with wedgies." If you google "I am from a Gothic Novel, I am electrifying, What an experiment!," (as so many do) what do you get? Well, BlatherWatch, of course. Peculiar is how we feel about putting "breast implant slow leak pain sagging" in the little window, which also brings us to the fore... and please don't mention this to Mom- "naked girl biting boy choch," gets you to BlatherWatch, just "swimming suits for dockdogs." Although we're against even casual experimentation with testosterone, we got slightly jiggy when we found that someone had googled "six pack pics no underwear" or the perplexingly oxymoronic yet  oddly erotic "hunky naked men in suits" and got us. We were chastened  yet slightly relieved to find us high on the google page when sombody dialed up: "hallmark humor going away." 

~ Mammaries are made of this, dep't. Sex, the Internet and Republicans- they go together like a Caesar salad. Seems Rhys Davis, 54, a radio DJ in Grays Harbor running as a Republican for county commissioner was suspended for a week from his job at Sunny 102.1 when a website he'd put up four years ago celebrating perky distaff milk glands turned back up in the middle of his campaign. Called "Racks by Rhys," the site featured the cleavage, and fully-frontals of bare naked women. A headline declared that breasts were his hobby. “I regret this and I’m big time sorry,” Davis said. His political career may be racked up for good- he was hoping to capture the District 3 seat for the Republicans for the first time in 50 years. (Memo to Republicans who need a gland for hobby: try the pineal- it's an up and known as "the family gland.")

~ Sean Hannity is warning listeners of the doom and terror we'll all live under if Democrats get a Congressional majority in November, and, he says, "It'll be the end of conservative shows like mine." One thing the right likes better than gloating over their success, is bemoaning their persecution. It's just another right-wing masturbation technique- and though you may not wanna shake our hand, we like our techniques better.

~ We'd heard Michael Medved (KTTH m-f, 12-3p) bragging about meeting with the President, a while back, but presumed it was only one of those White House photo ops they give to Little League heroes, nonagenarians, and people they either want to shut up or lube up. It turns out Medved was not alone with the Prez on Sept 15, but one of a bevy of broadcast banterers that included Neal Boortz, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Mike Gallagher. The meeting was supposed to be secret until Boortz blabbed it (he can't shut-up). Not too much of a stretch that there might have been a little of that famous Rovian strategizin' going on in the face of the Republicans' degraded political stature going into the election. Those particular talkers are all Bush parrots to the man (and that includes you, Laura). If you have any doubts that the right uses talk radio as a major mouth for their talking points, this little making-sure-you've-come-to-Jesus-and-are-still-there meeting oughta dispel at least a few of them. What we're wondering: where was Limbaugh? Has he been banished after all his pubic peccadilloes?

~ what a snitch! Dave Reichert called school officials after he and the President rolled by  an Issaquah school bus and its driver gave Bush the finger. Reichert, ever the cop,  got his way, and the driver, a woman, was fired. The President, whose reported fart jokes with staff has started a cottage industry of 'George Bush pull my finger dolls'; couldn't have been all that shocked. Maybe he'll pardon the driver when he leaves office.

~ We're in the depths of the summer talk radio dog days. Carlson is missing. Bryan Suits, the lowest rated talk host on KVI is filling in for Carlson (KVI m-f, 3-5). Larry Elder (the 2nd most boring talk host in the hemisphere) is filling in for Suits (KVI m-f, 5-8p). Bob "mom-calls-me-koo-koo" Van Dyne (KIRO m-f, 9p-1a) reads to himself on balmy summer nights. Bill O' Reilly, and Laura Ingraham coupled evilly on KTTH can't scrounge more than an .08% share; Lars Larsen charging in barely raises the numbers to a meager 1.0. No wonder folks bored out of their skulls are reading books, contemplating verbicide, and dialing up San Francisco's KGO in on the live stream.

~ our theory is that Bryan Styble has been given the overnight job at KIRO behind our back. He's been filling-in for a long, long time. There are now, we're told, bumps coming into his show from breaks that say, "You are listening to the Bryan Styble Show." This is new, say aghast staffers. His official AQH (average quarter hour) listener stood at 200, until yesterday afternoon, when Edna Dilman, of Perineum Bluff, B.C. passed in her sleep, leaving Bryan with only 199 stalwarts.

~~No matter that Ciscoe Morris (KIRO Saturdays, 10a-1p) "The Yodeling Garden Guy," and resident hunk at KIRO since Lou Pate left, has reportedly turned down offers for a peek-a-boo foto-spread for Men's Health Magazine and a reality show on the Gardening Channel involving futinia hedges and squads of hunky LA leaf-blowers in Hawaiian shirts and thong underwear. The former Wauwatosa church lawnboy says he won't take his clothes off for any kinda money. "Too much sun can kill a mighty Doug fir," he says, "nuff said." His commitment, he insists, is to the hydrangeas of the Pacific Northwest.

~~ It's our favorite radio commercial at the moment, so it's been placed on our hallowed ad list along with the Toe Tent. It's titillating especially early in the morning, to hear KTTH's hot, news frump Teresa Joy panting about the Hide-a-Hose, which we fantasize as a direct order. We're not sure exactly what it is, but we're hoping it's the suburban version of the Hide-a-Salami, (fyi, the Vancouver Island native edition is called the Haida Salami), which has always been a game that's given rise to more than our culinary passions.

~ Did Dave Ross actually ask that guy from the Discovery Institute if hernias were created by Intelligent Design? Yes, he did.

QUOTABLE:  "Talking to you is like drinking from a fire hose. -Dave Ross to Carl Jeffers, Aug.18.

Comments

[joanie]

I have nothing smart to add except that right now I'm churning up with laughter! And your final paragraph is perfect! I remember hearing Dave say that. It was funny then and it's funny now.

Thanks, Michael. Happy New Year!

[ryder]

And my highlight of the year was getting Joanie to blow me a kiss.

[FREMONT]

All Capricorns who are celebrating natal days today (you know who you are), we are glad you were born. Thanks for not being born in a manger and for giving your parents their last-minute tax deduction. Cheers!

[sparky]

Cisco is more worried about his little brussle sprouts than his mighty fir, I do believe.

Damn, I wish I hadnt thrown that calendar away..

[chucks]

Crap Michael, I can't believe you slamed most of the people I enjoy listening to and missed the conservitive broadcaster that even makes me want to loose my lunch.
Mark Levin makes Rush look moderate.
I may not agree with Rush all the time, but at least it is entertaing radio. And he is right most of the time.
Levin is just a full time idiot.
Happy New Year Michael, Sparky, Freemont, Joanie and the rest of the regular posters to this site. May not agree with you most of the time, but you do inspire thought.
My resolution for 2007 is to learn how to use the spell checker so as not to offend Fremont who happens to be my favorite here.

[FREMONT]

Gee, thanks, Chux....

[lukobe]

Always more libertine than libertarian

Did Rush ever really claim to be libertarian?

[joanie]

Yeah, Fremont, so what's with those long hiatuses anyway? Next time, I think you should invite us all!

BTW, thanks Fremont.

Lukobe, look up the word "priggish" in the dictionary and think about it.

[adc]

I would just like to say how much I enjoy popping in every once in awhile, and reading the wit, wisdom, and wonder, that populates this blog!

For the most part, the host and visitors alike, share in enlightened and cerebral debate.

You leave the juvenile name calling, and junior high school hijinx to KIRO afternoon personalities, where it belongs.

It's not clear to me how Dave Ross and Ron Reagan can stomach working at that station, but may God bless them with continued patience. Their professionalism belongs on a more deserving station.

Tommy008, I'm still disturbed that you keep a naked picture of Cisco in your home.... That's just kind of creepy, on so many levels. Oh sure, you claim it's on some kind of "calendar", but I think we all know better. But hey, to each their own!

Joanie and Michael, I may not always agree with your positions, but I appreciate the witty prose with which you share your perspectives! Very enjoyable reading.

And to all, I wish a very Happy New Year!

Peace Out.

[sparky]

No no nooooooo....Tommy doesnt have the naked picture of Cisco.. I DO...or did. I threw it out because it was a 2006 calendar. I shoulda sold the picture of Cisco and his brussel sprouts on EBay.

[FREMONT]

Jeez, Sparks, I thought I bought that pricey calendar on eBay from you...I thought I was helping our schools with that outrageous s/h charge!

[sparky]

heh,,no, it was a fundraiser for Master Gardeners

[Boris Badenov]

Hi folks, is Boris again with this year Jackass of The Year Award. While Dori make big fun in Las Vegas or some such, he has no idea he wins major award tonight on Blatherwatch. Big Sorry to Star and Girls for this. Is tough competition this year-Styble for make caller say heck instead of hell on show, Mayor Nickells for act like old gramma lady with Seattle titty girls show, Dan Sytman for just be Dan Sytman, Michael Medved for just always smartpants and just make big annoying noise when he talks, Mike Webb for just be Mike Webb, and many many more. Folks, award must go Dori Monson because he make comment just this previous weeks "I would have no problem with shooting anyone trying to steal my car!" For real folks , he say this and now I think Star and girls ashamed. Or laughing him- big fun.

[joanie]

Boris, Dori makes a fine jackass of himself frequently. Congratulations, Dori, on being "Jackass of the Year."

What do you think, Michael? If the bray fits . . .

[Boris Badenov]

Big thanks Joanie. And remember for the Dori- Boris ears open all year long whenever Dori make speech on radio show. Cannot make jackass talk without Boris notice and write down in big notebook of Boris. Too late to try make this year nonsense that earn award go byebye- big Boris already have foolish talk on tape recorder.

[Boris Badenov]

Dori- find moose and squirrel!

[elisloew]

for someone that is gay......to poke fun at anyone is sort of like the pot calling the kettle black isn't it??? =)

[lukobe]

Joanie wrote: Lukobe, look up the word "priggish" in the dictionary and think about it.

Joanie--always combative. Have any other modes?

1) I thought you were against pointing people to outside resources like the dictionary.

2) Libertarians are not prigs, and vice versa.

3) If you're trying to insinuate that *I* am the prig, why don't you lay off the personal attacks for once? Or at least direct them toward those who deserve it?

[joanie]

I didn't say libertarians were priggish . . . in fact, I didn't say anyone was a "prig."

BTW, your response is priggish.

Lukobe, put it where the sun don't shine. . .

[lukobe]

Joanie, so what was your point then?

Or is "Joanie's point" an oxymoron?

[joanie]

Lukobe, my point is: get over yourself.

My point is you go around tut-tutting and looking for gotchas and who really cares. If you were more interesting, one would overlook such banality. But, you're not.

You are anal. Put the ruler down, loosen up and just talk. If you have the urge to tut-tut or judge irrelevantly, cork it.

If you have to be pc, Seattle or otherwise, do it in a room by yourself.

You used to have some sort of interesting comments until you became everybody's (esp. my) "gotcha" guy.

Like you last stupid comment about Rush and libertarianism. It was an alliteration. Maybe he was going for more . . . but nobody really cared but you. It was so irrelevant.

Don't you have any regular opinions? Quit trying to sound so smart and manifest a little emotion. Geez . . . or as PutS would say, "Sheesh."

[lukobe]

Hey Joanie,

First of all, let me say--you crossed the line from ad hominem attacks to, effectively, swearing at me, with your next-to-last post. I was sorry to see you resort to that. For a liberal you're not very tolerant, are you?

As for your last post, yes--I have plenty of regular opinions. I only have a limited amount of time on blogs like this, though, unlike, apparently, you.

Now, I think I will drop down to your level and tell you to go "cork" yourself.

PS to Michael: I can't believe you gave this person any sort of award.

[Tommy008]

Trucker Radio is like a nightmare example of what Bush would impose as the sole offering on American airwaves for talkradio if all his fascist/corparatist dreams come true. Thebad news about the change to Dave Ross is that Frank's hours are back to 9-1 from 9-12. Something most be done about the empty old Mike Webb slot problem.

[Tommy008]

The solution for KIRO is to adjust their live and local policy to daytime and early evening only. No one gives a crap if Frank Shiers is live and local if he's a butthead. Put on tapes of The Phil Hendrie Show or hire Karel to do a live show. I don;t know why The Buzz got rid of Hendrie for those dorks on The Men's Room. Are they even still on? Hendrie is a genius and funnie rthan anyone I've ever heard on radio.

[mercifurious]

Joanie: I am so aghast that you would cross such a line (but swearing at Lu-be? No can find).

Tut-tut.

T-8: Honey in my ear all week - "Turi Ryder filling in for Frank Shiers"

[joanie]

Lukobe, you are a parody of yourself. Got to bed.

[joanie]

Tommie, Goldstein was in for Ron and Don tonight. He's getting better. You oughta listen. It really was a good show. I think a lot of us were sorry when he had to turn it over to NY Vinnie.

[joanie]

Merci, looking forward to you know who . . . Happy New Year!

[Tommy008]

Not that high on Goldstein. He has improved a little but a real radio person must be picked for Mike Webb's old slot, and fast. Then fire Shiers and use Goldstein the way they used to use Shiers- for regular weekends and fillin work.

[Tommy008]

I'd even settle for Ryder, too, Mercifurious, in Webb's old slot, but I believe she already stated she has no interest in a regulat show.

[fill Webb's old slot with a real person-NOW]

come on KIRO- QUIT PRETENDING THAT Shiers is acceptable for Mike Webb's slot. He's now had the slot probably as long as Allen Prell was on KIRO as a regular hire host. Shiers is an oldies DJ posing as a talkhost. He's faking it by constantrly piggy backing on the real talkhost's topics, instead of getting off his ass and digging up some of his own topics

[fill Webb's old slot with a real person-NOW]

Ryder is really a last choice- she tends to say stupid things like last night's "we turned Saddam from a hated butcher to someone who who is now loved". Bullcrap- because a few guards misbehaved and chanted the name of their shiite religious leader before Saddam was hanged, doesn't mena he is now loved by any significant proportion of the Sunni population. The ones that marched in protest of the execution were just looking for an excuse to march, and would most likely support Saddam no matter what.

[sparky]

Actually, the final words of Saddam and his executioners were misreported. They told him, in Arabic, to go to hell, and he responded with the Muslim prayer said at the time of death. But because CNN reported it a different way, that is not the story that is being circulated.

You can google "Riverbend" and see her latest blog from iraq, and read the explanation there.

Joanie, you must not have school today...

[joanie]

Oh, I do and I'm up and about . . . although through sleepy eyes.

[lukobe]

Merci: "stick it where the sun don't shine" basically equals "stick it up your ass." I'm not so much against language like this (in fact I'm not really against language like this at all) as against having language like this used toward me without provocation. But I guess I should expect it from Joanie. In fact, I think my expectations regarding Joanie were far too high during 2006. I resolve to turn over a new leaf during 2007, and ratchet them down considerably.

Oh, and Joanie: "Go to bed," posted at 2:49 a.m.... very funny :)

[sparky]

Lukobe, dont you think that Rush probably is a member of whatever party he thinks will make him money? I have read numerous times that he was actually a Democrat at one time, but when he realized the potential for an audience of wackjobs on the far right, he assumed the persona as one of them.

I just remember the Libertarians claiming that Queen Elizabeth ran a heroin cartel, and they lost all credibility with me.

[fill Webb's old slot with a real person-NOW]

It was the La Rouche Party wackjobs that spewed the crap about the Queen

[sparky]

Yes! But wasnt he head of the libertarians???
Maybe I have them confused with "libarians"....

[fill Webb's old slot with a real person-NOW]

no La Rouche and Libertarian are two completely different parties. Not to say that the Libertarian Party platform isn't ridiculous as well because it is.

[lukobe]

Exactly. Libertarians are NOT LaRouchites.

The Libertarian *Party* platform is pretty silly which is why I no longer consider myself a member. But I am still a lowercase-l libertarian, and want to make sure people know what that means, and point out with the term is being misused.

(Many people have said the movement needs to change its name precisely because of the name confusion.)

[Tommy008]

W's faux Texas accent , especially when he's trying to make a forceful speech, always sounds to me like a west Texas pig farmer bullying a couple of teenage punks whom he'd just caught trespassing on his land. Should have just stuck to your normal Eastern seaboard accented voice(similar to the rest of your family:mom,dad,etc) instead of deciding to go with the dufus accent when you ran for Texas Governor. When you're up in the big leagues, like today speakng at Ford's funeral, it doesn't serve you well. A Texas pig farmer has no gravitas at all.

[sparky]

boy all this time I thought LaRouche was the voice of Libertarians and I have not been impressed! Thanks for the correction.

[lukobe]

You're welcome! (LaRouche is actually a Democrat.)

[mercifurious]

Lukobe drools -
Merci: "stick it where the sun don't shine" basically equals "stick it up your ass." I'm not so much against language like this (in fact I'm not really against language like this at all) as against having language like this used toward me without provocation.

The horror! She has besmirched your honor, sir. Pistols at dawn!

PS, I'll give you what you want and tell you to "stick it up your ass" without provocation.

Actually nevermind, because you did provoke me (us) with the most obnoxious post ever left in Bla'Mland

[sparky]

oh nate, you must have missed the wierd guy last spring...he wins hands down cuz Bla'm nuked him.

[joanie]

A libertarian who is the word police. Isn't their something a little wierd(sic) about that?

[lukobe]

merci: you've got to be kidding.
joanie: I'm going for clarity. I'm not the word police, but I do believe people should strive to communicate accurately.

[mercifurious]

Lukobe: Not kidding. I'm going for clarity & striving to communicate accurately:

Stick it up your ass.

[lukobe]

Merci: Wow, twice in one night! You're on a roll! Congratulations.

PS: Eat me. I'm glad most people out there aren't like you and Joanie. If the attitudes on this board represented reality, we'd all be in trouble.

[joanie]

Lu'be: but I do believe people should strive to communicate accurately.

And you're the judge?

Do you hear yourself?

As for clearly communicating, you're having quite an affair with yourself, aren't you?

BTW, I'm not sure who on this blog you think really wants to "eat you." Ew.