BlatherWatch

Styblehead's Last Stand

Your self-sacrificing night-crawler has been on an indefinite (I believed eternal) hiatus from late-night KIRO-blather.   Aside from one listen to trucker-talk and their syndicated talk/advertisement-netherworld, I've been giving the Seattle AA diaspora (KPTK) my primary attention.

But upon hearing that Styblehead Boast-to-Boast  (AKA "DJ Not Found?") had been brought back from the dead for one night only (*see below) to cover the impending snow storm, I decided to be the canary in the KIRO overnight coal-mine - at least one last time. 

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster I wasn't actually stuck in a car during the supposed storm - exposed to a natural disaster far worse: The resurrected Styblehead.  Had I been, authorities would have found me with a bad-case of rigor mortis  - rescued only eventually by a carbon monoxide-induced sweet-death.

How bad was it? It was the following sandwich of badness:

It was just this bad.
I cringed through a 15 minute Stybleboast about how he once "Disproved Dristan".  Apparently after viewing one-too-many Dristan ads showing " Chicago winter" tests, Styblehead went on a brisk Styblewalk in the dead of said Chicago winter.   Much to the chagrin of late-night radio listeners everywhere, Styble survived - and later found out that he had walked through "the worst Chicago winter ever" - thus disproving the severity of said Dristan test winter.  All facts in this rant were of course the sole property of Styblehead, inc. 
It was just this bad.

To make over-heated fecal-matters worse, Styblehead breached all boundaries of the 1st Amendment, reaching an all-time talk-radio low - his neocon theology rants included - with this bile:

"I think Van Halen was a much better band with Sammy Haggar than with David Lee Roth"
 
Blasphemer!  Infidel!  I have one word for you: "UNCHAINED!"
Cthulu reserves a special afterlife damnation for all those who in any way appreciate or condone Van Halen with that abhorrant Bette Midler drag-act on vocals.
(I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin'!)

And what rock did these Styblehead Boast-to-Boast disciples crawl out of?   Mysterious hybrid orcs - possibly Glenn Beck fans - evacuated their caves & called-in with praises for their foul demigod.   Some unintentional comedy arrived when several callers OPENLY aired their grievences - nay, hatred - against KIRO over the Midnight Radio Network.  More untintentional comedy followed when  Styblehead tried to relieve their angst by claiming he had once discussed St.Thomas Aquinas with a trucker.  Again, relying on Styblefacts, inc.

I felt like giving Styblehead a big welcome/goodbye on behalf of the blatherwatch nation, and attempted to call-in, but was put on hold indefinitely (eternaly).  After our last exchange, I really shouldn't be suprised.

Conclusion:  Upon reminiscing about the glory days of overnight Styblehead, I was confronted with grim reality:   In the overnight radio race for worst-ever broadcast between Styblehead and Trucker-talk, we have a tie.   

* Styblehead claimed that his show's demise was just a KIRO "re-scheduling", and that his return (nearly two months later for only one night) was also due to KIRO "re-scheduling".   But of course we all know that this is a big pile of Styblehead's favorite word - CRAP.   

A bigger spin I have not heard since Faux News tried changing the transcript of O'Reilly's  anti-troop "Malmedy" debacle

Bryan Styble R.I.P., 2006-2006 
(until Seattle's next snow storm)

Into the Black

That bogged down feeling of being stuck in a quagmire has set down.  Where once there had been boundless energy, a feeling of righteous certainty, and the knowledge that they were the ones with all the answers and that everything would be just fine if people would just listen, there is now nothing but a listless, semi-autonomous recital of used talking points and ideas long proved wrong.  It is as if, like a security blanket or a long forgotten religious rite, saying the old things might make them true once more.

Talk radio, always in some sort of a funk during the Holiday season as people’s thoughts turn to happier things, seems to be smelling even more funky than usual.  This election hurt, and the conservative talkers have been thrown for a loss.  They did there best, trying hard to use ever scary story of the dangers of liberalism they could come up with (and vainly trying to have the country treat this election as if it were to make Nancy Pelosi Prime Minister), and nothing worked.  The losses, from Rick Santorum to Tom Delay to J.D. Hayworth hit the rights’ talkers hard.  All were favorites of the right, frequent guest, and every right wing talker from Limbaugh to Hannity to Medved put their honor on the line telling their listeners that these great men would not fall.  (The day before the election, Medved told a national pollster on hearing that Santorum was behind by over 10 points and dead meat that he still believed that Santorum would pull it out; that was the election surprised he was calling).

They tried everything, from threatening that the United States would become Vermont, or worse, San Francisco, to promising a gay marriage in every pot, and nothing worked.  And that realization is seeping into their heads, which had known nothing but certainty for so long, and it seems that they are now being driven slowly but surely insane with the realization that their best days are gone. 

The FCC and ritual warfare with the skin of a pig

Today’s blatherMission is to go to the FCC hearing in Seattle.  The hearing is on proposed rules that would allow more media consolidation.  This is a ruling that will affect, for many years to come, everyone who snatches their media from the air waves. 

The meeting will be held today, November 30th, at the Seattle Public Library from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m.

Why bother?  Here are a couple of reasons.

Glenn Beck Mad Libs

Everett's gift to the universe - Glenn Beck -  has seemingly conquered many Marianas & Matterhorns:   From  the depths of drug addiction, 2 marriages (par for the Right-wing moralist course), & mormon conversion; to the heights of a regular show on CNN headline-news (*See Bibliography below)

Here I am thinking I can get ahead with a little elbow grease, ingenuity & a couple snipey guest posts?   
Pass the pipe, wives & magic pajamas!

Yet with all his suck-cess, Herr Beckmeister has been unable to penetrate his home radio base - as Father Bla'M dutifully noted back in August

Beck's NW access-denied is largely due to (or despite) his credulous - some might say "Everettarian" slogan:

"I'm  just sayin what everybody's thinkin"

He tends to drop this on the end of many vocalized brainfarts - tirades against America's numerous usual-suspect enemies: Hitler/Clinton,  Vermont,  The Blind (!!!)

Quite a rhetorical magician, no?  I'm sure anyone with anything beyond a brain-stem will be able to see straight through Beck's mind-trick.  But what about those who cannot?    Moreover, what if we were to harness this trick and use it towards our evil secular progressive purposes (bwahahahahaha).

Take any outrageous statement of which you enjoy, but don't wanna bother hassling  with any of those pesky counterarguments, antitheses, or rebuttals - and *plunk*   
I give you:  Glenn Beck Mad Libs.   

Not nearly as genius as Western star trucks hocking auto parts Midnight Radio Network, but give me some time.  

Let's test it out on some big names:

Ann Coulter's cock is bigger than Rush Limbaugh's,
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin

Bill O'Reilly is always one harassment scandal away from being entertaining,
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin

Without even knowing who he is, Glenn Beck's face just begs for a back-hand
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin

Glenn Beck is saying what everybody's thinking:  Nothing,
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin

See?  So far, so good.  Let's use some local targets:

Every snarky Frank Shiers talking-point is ripped straight from Orbusmax.com,
I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin'

Every snarky Orbusmax post is ripped straight from WordNetDaily.com,
I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin'

Every freaky WorldNetDaily.com post is ripped from TheOnion.com,
I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin'

... and so on, and so forth. Now it's your turn.  Here is your template:

________________________________________________,
any outrageous statement that you want to stand without rebuttal,
"I'm just sayin' what everyone is thinkin' "

Have safe.  Stay fun.

* Bibliography:
Beck, Glenn.  "About the Glenn Beck Program"
http://www.glennbeck.com/about/about-glennbeck.shtml
2006 Primiere Radio Networks

Shooting in black and white

The recent incident in which five NY cops killed a man about to be married (and injured his friends) is prime talk-radio material.  It has the necessary elements—excessive use of police force, men leaving a seedy strip club hours before the wedding, police using semiautomatic weapons to kill an unarmed black man, the bad guys using their car as a weapon, plainclothes police stake-outs in unmarked vehicles, cops spraying 50 bullets into a car (with less than half of the bullets actually hitting the car).  And the most important element of all is that nobody has a complete picture of what went on.

This evening, while waiting for the snow-virgins to get the hell off of the roads (usually by abandoning their cars in ditches) so that I could drive home in peace, I decided to stream some talkers to get their take on this issue. 

Horsesass Radio tonight: satire (and the satire gene), Michael Richards comic failures, Michelle Malkin & white powder, and the three budding civil wars on the road to peace in the Middle East

The David Goldstein show is on 710 KIRO from 7:00 -- 10:00 pm tonight.  Here is the preliminary schedule....

In the 7:00 hour, Goldy will discuss satire and comedy.  If you caught Goldy filling in for Dori Monson on Thanksgiving, his guest, General J.C. Christian, lit-up the phone lines with angry callers.  Apparently, some listeners didn't realize that discussions of Tasing trick-or-treaters ("...but only one child in each group"), or arming fetuses with hand guns was…umm…political satire.  The General will be Goldy's guest, but this time not in character.  They will discuss the use of satire in political activism and, perhaps, the lack of a satire gene in wingnuts.

Later in the hour, Goldy will discuss Michael Richards' famous unfunny routine at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood a week ago Friday.  Is Richards a flaming racist?  Or did he simply fail miserably pulling some edgy comedy out of a heckling crowd?

In the 8:00 hour, Goldy's guest will be journalist and blogger David Neiwert to talk about right-wing "humor."  Is it simply a joke when Ann Coulter says, "We need to put rat poison in Justice Stevens' creme brulee."   What about when someone sends a batch of poisoned cookies to the Supreme Court?   Or when Michelle Malkin broadcasts eliminationist rhetoric to millions of listeners only to have a deranged fan engage in domestic terrorism, like sending fake anthrax powder to Keith Olbermann and other liberal media figures?    Are the haters culpable when their words inspire terrorism?

In the 9:00 hour, Goldy will ask (again): what, exactly, does victory look like in Iraq?  Today King Abdullah of Jordan told George Stephanopoulos on ABC's This Week that "Mideast leaders [are] juggling with the strong potential of three civil wars in the region, whether it's the Palestinians, that of Lebanon or of Iraq."   Is there any chance at all that George Bush's Mideast "peace through violence" initiative will ever live up to its promises?

Tune in to 710 on the amplitude modulated part of the analog broadcast spectrum, or stream digital audio from KIRO over the web.  If you think you have some answers, call into the show at 1-877-710-5476.

We Have Frostbite From All The Polarization

Earlier this week I was listening to Rush Limbaugh yammer on about the war in Iraq and those that want our troops out of that country. He calls the now 70% or so of us that are against continuing the occupation “the Left” and of course paints us as “America haters.” It must be nice to be Rush Limbaugh (and President Bush) and have the world easily divided into black and white so no thought is required. While I’m happy that Limbaugh thinks the Left in this country is so vast in numbers, his distortions of our motives are simplistic and dangerous.

Rush went on to explain to his audience that the Left is against any use of military force that furthers our national agenda. He claims that we are only for using our military in humanitarian efforts, but not in protecting our national interest. Of course he didn’t discuss the military action in Afghanistan that had nearly unanimous support and goes so far as to say that if the United States had any strategic interest in Darfur (for example if there was oil there), the Left would not be calling for US involvement to help stop the genocide currently taking place. The problem with this kind of rhetoric (besides the fact that it’s completely made up) is that his audience believes him and it only stokes the fires of their hatred of the Left (and who are the Left but 70% of their fellow Americans at this point). His listeners happily call themselves “ditto heads” more than suggesting that they will blindly follow Rush’s lead and believe any crap he shovels out. It has been difficult to listen to right wing radio, not because I disagree with most of what is being said, but because the format and presentation leave no room for thought, let alone discussion.

Polarization of the population is good for the Right, but bad for this country. This president has steered us into dangerous waters and it will take serious thought and reasoned action to get us out of this mess. We no longer have the luxury of simplistic notions of good and evil, black and white, and we need to pull together in order to successfully navigate this world of grey. Yes, we have a strategic interest in a stable Middle East as well as a national interest in energy independence, both of which have been damaged under the “guidance” of this president. The Bush administration has single handedly destabilized the region while simultaneously hindering any progress toward energy independence. Only in the bizzarro black and white world of Rush Limbaugh’s ditto heads can this be laid at the feel of “the Left”.

The American people are not as stupid as the ditto heads, and we voted earlier this month for change. We want our government to work (as in do something other than provide political theater), we want a new direction in Iraq (as opposed to staying the course that is only escalating the violence) and we want real oversight (instead of a rubber stamp Congress that acts only as an extension of the White House). We didn’t vote for more polarization or more of the kind of simplistic thinking that got us here. We understand that the world is complicated, made up almost entirely of shades of gray, and that it will take thought, discussion, differing views and hopefully consensus building in order to solve the problems we are facing. This president, with the help of his lap dog, do-nothing GOP led Congress, have made a terrible mess of things. We can only hope that by restoring the checks and balances so carefully constructed by our founding fathers, we can find some way of cleaning it up, or the very least, mitigating the damage as we extract ourselves from the hell we have created by turning our backs on the principles we were supposed to hold so dear.

Thanksgiving postmortem

While in a drunken stupor induced by hyperproteinemia and an overdose of tryptophan, I finally got around to reading the paper today….

Bill Virgin writes in the Seattle P-I that, now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, two local stations KRWM-FM (106.9) or KCMS-FM (105.3) will be All Christmas, All the Time.  This must somehow be a reaction to the War on Christmas™.  I’m still looking for the All Qwanza All the Time or the All Secular Holiday Music, All the Time stations from the insurgency--failure so far.  (Alternatively, you can go along with Goldy who, filling in for Dori and Ron Reagan on KIRO 710 AM today, suggests that the War on Christmas™ is manufactured outrage.)

Virgin also points out something, that in my current condition, strikes me as curious:

Good news for fans of the old-time radio compilation show "When Radio Was" -- it's coming back to the Seattle market. KIXI-AM (880) will carry the show at 10 p.m.-midnight Saturday and Sunday beginning this weekend.

But, but, wasn’t that just being played on KIRO 710 AM on Sunday nights?  Maybe they dropped it within the last couple of months.   Call me a curmudgeon, but the curious part is that anyone would actually attach the label “good news” to this. 

Finally as a parting blow to another day of tryptophan-abuse in celebration of the Puritans introducing themselves (and their smallpox) to the indigenous people of the Americas, I offer you the all time greatest Thanksgiving day TV episode about a radio station….

Turkey, Pumpkin Pie And Goldy!

David Goldstein will be taking to the airwaves tomorrow, in the middle of the day, for four whole hours and on a weekday no less.  Perhaps it's a sign of things to come.

Goldy will be filling in for both Ron Reagan and Dori Monson on KIRO from Noon until 4:00pm Thanksgiving Day, so while you’re waiting for that turkey to cook, tune your radio to AM 710, turn up the volume and enjoy.

Really? You’re Mad About That?

Okay, so, I don’t listen to right wing radio, because, well, I’m a liberal and with George Bush in the White House, I don’t need anymore aggravation in my life, but Michael was kind enough to ask me to help keep the lights on here at Blather Watch while he’s away, so I felt compelled to listen to a variety of talk radio instead of my standard fare of Air America and The David Goldstein Show. On Monday, the hot topic on talk radio was simultaneous orgasm for peace. I guess I picked a good day to start.

In case you missed it, there’s this couple in California that is attempting to organize a virtual orgy of sorts, a day (December 22, 2006) where everyone (who can) has sex and reaches orgasm while thinking about world peace. Hell, even if it doesn’t solve the world’s problems, I’m willing to give it a shot. And that right there is the big difference between having a liberal, as opposed to a conservative, view of the world, it’s positive rather than negative, it’s progressive rather than regressive and it’s about attempting to make the world a better place rather than sucking it dry for personal gain.

Rush Limbaugh was incensed by this whole idea, and of course, he had to make it seem as if the event was being organized by Nancy Pelosi, whereas on The Young Turks (my god, I had to listen to the left end of the dial at the end of the day) they made just as much fun of the idea, but instead of being angry about it, their take was, “go forth and orgasm for peace, it certainly can’t hurt.” Right?! When the world is in so much turmoil, what the hell is wrong with trying something positive, even if it is tilting at windmills?

On my first day of listening to talk radio for Blather Watch, I’m glad the talkers were taking on the big issues. Rush actually spent nearly two entire segments on this story and used it as an example of “who we’ve put in charge of our government.” I guess I should be glad that’s all he’s got right now. Once the Democrats officially take control of Congress I’m sure there will be plenty of real and dangerous distortions dripping from his lying lips for the rest of us to untangle.