Pat Robertson has been predicting lately that God has told him storms will hit America's coastlines this year, and that the Pacific Northwest could be facing a tsunami.
When God talks to us here at BlatherWatch, it's usually pretty pedestrian- like about jay-walking (He's against it), or a reminder that it's recycling day (He likes recycling), or peanut butter guidance- (He prefers crunchy, you creepy apostate).
But when Rev. Pat hears from The Big Guy, he always seems gets block-busting, headline-generating Divine Threats of Heavenly Retribution- not for himself, but for all the rest of us.
(This is controversial, but we gotta be honest, (as Sean Hannity would say) God's gender is obvious- The Big Guy who talks to us is definitely a guy, although women we know swear The Big Whom they speak with is A Woman. God's gender and persona seems more and more like it's in the eye of the beholder, a scary, yet comforting thought, even though it brings up disturbing questions about albinos, the transgendered, Republicans, metro-sexuals, and our cat, Linda Werthheimer with whom God converses daily).
If it was anyone else besides Rev. Pat making these prophecies, we'd say he was smoking Dutch Cleanser. But we know Pat wouldn't smoke anything; and his predictions of God's Wrath coming down on the unrighteous over the years have become a quaint comic ritual bringing welcome laughter across a troubled landscape.
Prophecies of storms on the coastlines are ones we've been making as well- there will be rain, wind, etc. along the coasts this year. We are, at least, that prescient and God doesn't even have to mention it.
But He's never said anything to us about the tsunamis in the Northwest. Ron Reagan (KIRO m-f, 12-1p) wondered aloud today, Why us? and then said, "it probably has something to do with gay people."
That's because Pat always blames gays when something bad happens to America. Remember when he and Jerry Falwell blamed 9-11 on lesbians? (though isn't it tempting to blame everything on lesbians?)
Rev. Pat usually makes his predictions after the fact- it always works out better for him. Remember those hurricanes in the '90's he blamed on fellatio...after they happened?
He said this about the president's second term:
"Well, the Lord has some very encouraging news for George Bush... Bush is now positioned to have victory after victory and that his second term is going to be one of triumph, which is pretty strong stuff. ... He'll have Social Security reform passed. He'll have tax reform passed. He'll have conservative judges on the courts. And that basically he is positioned for a series of dramatic victories which I hope will hearten him and his advisers."
And that's his story and he's stickin' to it- according to Pat, the fat lady hasn't sung on this administration just yet-
“The Lord has just blessed him,” Robertson said of Bush. “I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn’t make any difference what he does, good or bad, God picks him up because he’s a man of prayer and God’s blessing him."
But a tsunami in the Northwest? We're pretty sure why this will transpire- it'll definitely be because of the fags- and what's coming out of the State Supreme Court any day now.
The august body in Olympia is pondering whether the one man, one woman marriage scheme the politicians foisted off on us, is constitutional.
It's been over a year since they heard arguments on the case, so the decision could come at any time.
Such a momentous decision as the one to throw out the State's mixed marriage-only statutes would surely bring on tidal waves, if not volcanos and other portentous climatic and geophysical events.
And that's what the state's evangelicals are praying for!
Rev. Joe Fuiton, the Bothell evangelical activist told us a couple of months ago that he expected the court to rule for gay marriage and that was the only hope they had to pass Tim Eyman's opportunistic referendum that would throw out the gay rights bill passed by the Legislature.
They're expecting a huge public backlash against the gay marriage decision, and by tying it to the civil rights bill, both will go down.
We deplore the good Reverend and his Prayer Squads to stop praying for the court to rule for gay marriage so we can all be spared Pat Robertson's deadly prophecies.
Pat Robertson and the Rev. Joe would not rercognize a Christian if one came up and poked them in the eye...
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 05:29 AM
HAy you never know !
Posted by: Brian in Lacey | May 19, 2006 at 06:02 AM
And here I've been worried about earthquakes! Silly me! What's he got to say about them?
Posted by: joanie | May 19, 2006 at 08:12 AM
Ol' Pat doesnt mention earthquakes as actually causing the tsunami..lol....I think what really happened is he fell asleep in front of the TV drinkin beer and eating jalapeno poppers while watching a rerun of Charleton Heston parting the Red Sea, and he confused it with God telling him Seattle will have a tsunami...heartburn while sleeping will do that to ya...
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 08:53 AM
I can't believe you're not blogging about Lil' Ron's "What's the funniest name you've ever heard?" topic! That was HUGE!! Wacky and insightful. Great use of an hour. Oh well, slow news week. Makes me think Lil' Ron's showprep consists of overhearing Dori's rejected topics. That's what 6 figures pays for. (If he thinks he's got the goods for XM, he needs to re-engineer and pick up the pace)
Posted by: Scrilla | May 19, 2006 at 10:37 AM
The funniest names I have ever heard belong to acutal people in my Dad's hometown:
Ocean Beach Patton ( because that is where he was conceived)
Tassie Rejester
Baron Butts
somewhere I have a book of funny names, most from around the British Isles...
And what 5th grader does not go into spasms of
laughter when hearing the name "Lake Titicaca"???
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 10:55 AM
I seriously doubt that God talks to Blithering Michael. HE doesnt aggree with you and HE isnt on your side. I think HE does talk to the Rev and I think HE does hate lesbians (EVERYBODY DOES ACCEPT FOR STUPID LIBERALS LIKE ALL YOU YOU STUPID COMMUNISTS!). God doesnt think the way you do and NEITHER DO I!
Posted by: RedRachel | May 19, 2006 at 11:23 AM
ho-hum . . .
Posted by: joanie | May 19, 2006 at 12:07 PM
Ho-hum. Ho-hum. Ho-hum. Ho-hum. Ho-hum. Ho-hum. Ho-hum. Ho-hum. You sound so stupid Joanie. Oh wait mabey its because YOU ARE!
Posted by: RedRachel | May 19, 2006 at 12:34 PM
another unusual name I saw belonged to a student...her parents named her Rocks-Ann
why do parents do that to their kids????
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 12:47 PM
didn't God post here a few times and rebuke RR?
Posted by: Mark | May 19, 2006 at 01:09 PM
even God has resisted a reply....
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 01:15 PM
Our side is winning every day, watching Red Raunch whine about her side losing is worth the price of admission in here. There is nothing she can do about a failed presidency and the last throes of defeat they have snatched from the jaws of victory. We need to round up Pat Robertson and others for our concentration camps coming soon.
Posted by: stodge charger | May 19, 2006 at 01:30 PM
Rachel you silly girl, don't you know it is un-Christian to call people you don't like Communists? Everybody knows God is a liberal. Remember that business about love thy neighbor, the meek shall inherit the earth, etc? I think God would be more likely to talk to a good-hearted soul like Michael rather than to a hateful person like Pat R.
Posted by: David | May 19, 2006 at 01:41 PM
Yeah, MABEY it is . . . (LOL)
(OMG, did I really get sucked in? Don't answer that!)
Posted by: joanie | May 19, 2006 at 03:31 PM
Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Apple. I"m sorry but that apple-alling! Oh, I guess in ten years it might seem ordinary. . . who knows.
Posted by: joanie | May 19, 2006 at 03:37 PM
Whatever happened to Moonunit Zappa?
Posted by: Perfundity | May 19, 2006 at 03:45 PM
I don't agree with a lot of the things that Pat Roberts says and I most certainly don't believe that God "speaks" to him. However, I find it to be incredibly unfair when liberal radio hosts or writers of liberal blogs irresponsibly tie President Bush to the religious right.
I realize that Pat Roberts has done just as much to create that "connection", but it is just completely baseless and unfounded. The fact that President Bush is a born again Christian does should not serve as an indicator that his policies are decided by his religious beliefs. Kennedy was a Roman Catholic. Does that mean that all of his policies were set by the Vatican? I'm not sure, but I don't hear anybody on the left jumping all over his religion.
I just think it's unfair. It goes back to the fact that the media has orchestrated most of the stories that show the President as being a person other than who he really is. If the media didn't bring up the fact that he is a Christian every five minutes (and making it sound like a crime), nobody would have ever come to that conclusion. The whole theory comes from the media, not the President's policies.
Posted by: CurtisOnTheAir | May 19, 2006 at 04:10 PM
"I find it to be incredibly unfair when liberal radio hosts or writers of liberal blogs irresponsibly tie President Bush to the religious right."
IRRESPONSIBLY TIE Bush to the religious right? Please. You must be joking.
The only time the man has allowed himself to be rousted out of bed for *anything* during his Presidency was to sign legislation over TERRI SCHIAVO.
A Cat-5 hurricane wiped out a major American city and the guy couldn't be bothered to come off his vacation...but he was assholes and elbows getting back to DC to please his fundamentalist masters.
Don't blame the media, blame Karl Rove.
Posted by: Trip | May 19, 2006 at 04:34 PM
Instead of asking his own father who had experience running a war against Iraq, Bush said: "You know he is the wrong father to appeal to in terms of strength. There is a higher father that I appeal to," Bush said.
Earlier he is quoted: "The president described praying as he walked outside the Oval Office after giving the order to begin combat operations against Iraq, and the powerful role his religious beliefs played throughout that time."
I don't recall Kennedy making statements like this. Or anybody else in government for that matter. Do you?
Posted by: joanie | May 19, 2006 at 04:38 PM
So why does Bush jump everytime James Dobson yells FROG
Why does Bush perpetuate the idea that God told him to invade Iraq?
I dont believe he is particularly religious, away from the lights and the cameras and his handlers. But they have learned how to play this particular audience, as noted in the above posts. Its the hijacking of Christianity to serve no good that irritates me. As I posted above, most of the Fundegelicals would not recognize Jesus if he walked up to them as a homeless person ( remember the parable of the Good Samaritan?) or a black person, or a homosexual.
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 04:50 PM
Reich talking with Franken about cable companies and pending legislation. Reich says it is hugely important that people pay attention and yet most people don't have clue it is even happening.
This will affect the entire power structure in America if it goes through. . . very big deal! It will make a difference on what you can get via cable and how informed you will be. And who will control it all.
Posted by: joanie | May 19, 2006 at 04:53 PM
To badly paraphrase Voltaire:
"If Pat Robertson didn't exist, we would have to invent him."
If there is a dictionary definition of "the gift that keeps on giving", it is the Reverend Pat.
Posted by: Oly | May 19, 2006 at 05:20 PM
I am very uncomfortable with the statement that Sparky made suggesting that Jesus may come back as a homosexual. You are all entitled to believe what you want, but please, have enough respect for those who actually have faith to never say something as wrong as that is.
Posted by: CurtisOnTheAir | May 19, 2006 at 05:44 PM
AMEN CURTIS! I hate homos as most of America does. Everybody might try to be politically correct but you all know what you say when nobody else is around. I say if your going to live in sin, get the h-e-double-hocky-sticks out of my eyesite! Homos are communists and communists are homos. All of them with there "free spirit" bee-ess. Regular Americans are sick and tired of all the gay stuff and the touching and petting involed with it. And the rest of you communist idiots need to wise up to it! I dont know when the homo lifestyle became such a trendy desirable thing. Homos have been frowned on for hundreds of years AND THATS THE WAY IT SOULD BE! When I was young it wasnt cool to see a couple of guys kissing on the side of the street. Now its just the thing to do and were corupting our youth. If all of you want to spend a eturnity in hell- FINE BY ME! MAINSTREAM AMERICA IS SICK SICK SICK OF SEEING ALL OF THE HOLLYWOOD TOUCHY FEELY GARBAGE AND THE LYING FILTH THAT COMES OUT OF THE LEFT WING. I SAY THE ONLY ANSWER IS THROWING THEM ALL IN PRISON. THEN AT LEAST THEY CAN DO ALL OF THERE HOMO STUFF WITHOUT NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE US WATCHING THEM. Keep up the good work Curtis! The rest of these dipspits will make fun of you and call you a Nazi but you should know that your right and THERE WRONG. Theyll try to call you stupid but THERE stupid and me and you are the smart ones!
Posted by: RedRachel | May 19, 2006 at 05:55 PM
Hey Curtis, you're only confronting your lame-ass fears brought upon by years of watching fantansy shows Davy and Goliath and Little House on the Prairie.
Posted by: stodge charger | May 19, 2006 at 06:14 PM
Curtis, apparently you are not up on your Bible Literature as much as you think you are.
I did not say that Jesus WOULD come back as a homosexual.
I was referring to the Biblical parable of the Good Samaritan...where God disquised himself as a poor beggar along the road. Many men with riches passed him by and even called him names. It was not until a simple man with no wealth stopped to offer to share what little he had that the beggar revealed himself to be God.
What if God tested you in the same manner? What if AIDS was something God thought of to guage the compassion of the world? Im not saying that is what has happened but what if God appears to us in the form of something or someone we dont approve of, just to see if we can follow his commandment of loving one another?
This is why I know Bush is, at the very best, not a good Christian..he never got that part about " What you do to the least of my creations, you also do to me..."
Sunday school is over..collection will be taken at the door..
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 06:29 PM
Dipspit...what a fun little word
Posted by: sparky | May 19, 2006 at 06:32 PM
Very well said, Sparky.
Posted by: Liz | May 20, 2006 at 01:26 AM
God has told me that there will will be death and blood in the middle east.and if that is not good enough for you hippies he also said SAND would also be involved...debunk that!
Posted by: snoutcounter | May 20, 2006 at 08:24 AM
I'm sorry, but lesbians are to blame for everything. Katrina was a lesbian, a Negro lesbian. As Nietzsche said "God is dead." Nietzsche was a lesbian, too! (Moonunit Zappa is directing, acting, producing films....lesbian films.)
Posted by: Fremont | May 20, 2006 at 08:46 AM
Compare the following maps:
tornado alley
Bush/Kerry country
Notice how they swerve to miss the blue. Hmmmmm... perhaps Pat's logic actually does work!
Posted by: Nate | May 22, 2006 at 11:14 PM
cool!
Posted by: sparky | May 23, 2006 at 05:49 AM
Very cool!
Posted by: Fremont | May 23, 2006 at 02:02 PM
Would someone please tell Pat I was just kidding?! He just has no sense of humor.
Posted by: God | May 30, 2006 at 04:08 PM