thursday oddems: another dori monsoon, dave ross in velvet, satan rocks, jesus walks, maté, and the witch of endor

MIDLIFE CRISIS? That darned Dori Monson (KIRO m-f, 12-3p). Was it only last month he jumped out of an airplane? This week he rode Miss Burien around Lk. Washington at 130 mph. Sadly, we don't mean "rode" in the Biblical sense--Miss Burien is a hydroplane.* It's all part of Monson's Summer Adventure Series to perk up his drooping ratings and get his old listeners back. Maybe it'll work, but both events were pretty lame by our lights. On the jump, the mic didn't work, so it was Tony Ventrella doing the color commentary while Dori's immortal words as he plunged were lost, alas, in the wild, blue yonder. On the thunderboat ride, you could make out that Dori was indeed blabbing away, but the engine roar (which was like white noise turned up to 12) made him sound like a very nervous man getting a haircut with a chainsaw. So again, Ventrella did color until Dori was finally audible and able to give us the kind of concise yet poetic critique he's known for: "Absolutely incredible!" were his first words. Here's a thrilling pic that matches the action. The event was more exciting than say, a Mariner's game, but we doubt if Big Eddie Schultz (KPTK m-f, 12-3p) or Sean Hannity (KVI m-f.12-3p) have much to worry about.
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DEP'T OF CORRECTIONS  Our Sunday school teacher used to say, "You may not know the Bible, but it knows you."  And we've striven to keep it that way. We stated adamantly last week in our alarming, yet lite-hearted post, Harry Potter and the GOP: The Company They Keep.2 that we couldn't find the word "witch" in the Bible. Actually...we just pulled that out of our ass and hadn't looked it up. But, hoo-boy-- many did. We liked Jeff Grubb's genteel correction--at least he didn't tell us we were going to burn in hellfire.

While I agree that it is amusing to see the economic conservatives grit their teeth while they stand next to the social conservatives, I should
point out that there are witches in the Bible, depending on which Bible you're reading. The hoary old King James gave us the classic "Suffer not a witch to live" (Exodus 22:18), though my later Oxford Annotated changed that (and other witchy references) to "female sorcerers and mediums." The Dead Sea Scrolls blipped over that section. Other witch-references show up in 2 Chronicles 33:6 and Deuteronomy 18:10 (Dead Sea Scrolls goes with "sorcerers" in the latter which is different from witches but doesn't get poor Harry out of the doghouse). But of course, we have  1Samuel 28, which goes into the story of the Witch of Endor. Yeah, Endor. Apparently she was an Ewok, and Lucas should be listening for the heavy tread of the deeply religious coming after him.

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GOTHIC ABSOLUTION  We don't usually post about music stations but we were alerted that the Prince of Darkness himself spins the death metal 10 times a week over at Radio Satan 666. Pretty awesome DJ for a little ol' webcast station, if you think about it. This tease for his show, His Satanic Majesty Presents strangely compelled us:  "Therapy for losers. This ain't a love show. This installment of HSMP is guaranteed to make you feel like more of a loser than you already are. So keep a box of Kleenex within reach, and prepare to weep. Fire arms must be stored under lock and key. Do not put a bullet in your head regardless how much of a loser you finally realize you are. One teenage French sex midget was sacrificed during the making of this show. For equal time, check out rival Radio Jesus 777 which Christians put up to counter Radio Satan. Unfortunately, and rather hilariously, the Satanists have taken over the chat room. 
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NO GIRLY MAN HE Dave Ross's (KIRO m-f, 3-6p) Summer Adventure Series will include playing a disappointed Reginald Bunthorne rejected by the lovely Patience (Cristina Villareale) in the Seattle Gilbert & Sullivan Society's current production, running through July 30th at Seattle Center. Here's a picture of Dave looking uncharacteristically perturbed and wearing green velvet panteloons which, we're told is characteristic. Call 206.341.9612 for tickets. Click here, mention blatherWatch and get the member discount.
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HERE'S WHAT PAYS THE BILLS  Read Michael Hood's incisive, circumspect Ditch the Latté, Try Maté in the July ish of Seattle Magazine, now on newsstands. It's a story of drugs, blogs, arrogance and underwear written in the snotty, elitest tone and sense of entitlement BlatherWatchers know only too well.
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KPTK-AM (1090) has added some pre-recorded progressive programming to its weekend schedule,  Democracy Now with Amy Goodman's is heard at 7-8a Saturday and Sunday. Funny, right-on LA slick chick Stephanie Miller, 8-11a Saturday; Portland and the universe's Thom Hartmann from 11 a-2p Sunday; Jerry Springer, Sunday 2-4 p. This is good, but not as good as the local weekend programming we've been promised. Wassup Jim Trapp? 
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UNCHARACTERISTIC TASTE & RESTRAINT was what blatherWatch showed this week by ignoring the biggest story to come out of our region since Mary Kay LeTourneau's wedding registry at Bon-Macy's was made public. True, we'd have had to contort a bit (as we're doing right now) to make it about talk radio, but we've twisted stuff to make it fit the format many times before. What are we talking about? The spectacular, though tragic, Enumclaw bestiality case where a viscious Arabian stallion sexually abused his owner, causing the owner's  death. Though it was an Arab horse, terrorism has reportedly been ruled out. Don't expect our lofty standards to be upheld in the next local bestiality story if either party is: 1) a Republican official 2) a radio talent or producer (board ops: rock on!) 3) Stefan Shuckransky. The only local news talkers (that we know of ) who talked about this on-air were those arbiters of public grace, Bryan Suits (KVI m-f 6-9p) and Dori Monson-- both of whom have now gone on the record against bestiality.
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*Hydroplanes are very fast, very noisy motorboats that go round and round all day long on Seattle's Lk. Washington each year on a certain summer Sunday for some reason which we can't recall. Back in the '50's, before we had anything else to do, we thought watching them going round and round was actually interesting. The local TV channels all carried the race, and we were glued to the tube hoping one would flip over and make it really interesting. Those who went down to the Lake to watch usually just sat on a blanket and got drunk because they couldn't see anything anyway. Those who had boats tied to the logboom just sat on their boats and got drunk because they couldn't see anything either. Many Seattleites who now say they miss those days actually have no recollection of them.
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Got any inside radio poop to scoop? Discretion assured. Send us an email at [email protected].

Comments

[sparky]

Actually someone already posted a message about those unfortunate animals...but it was in reference to the piece you did on the equally unfortunate No Abstinence gathering, and of course blamed it on a liberal plot!!
Obviously, not all have your sense of discretion..lol

They are putting Jerry Springer on 1090 instead of Ring of Fire?
Hmm..time to write another letter...