sweet jesus...sean hannity for president?

Designated GOP Liar Sean Hannity broadcasted from a theme park in New Jersey Friday in a run-up for a concert benefiting the families of Iraqi War veterans who voted for George W. Bush.

"These are the guys who deserve the credit for securing America," said Hannity, "the rest are just a bunch of wusses, whiners, wimps and weenies."

Hannity's concert, which featured such country stars as Annie "Barn Door" Coulter; Hog Waller Ollie North; Mark "Squeeky" Levin; Curtis "The Toad" Sliwa; Buddy Jewell; Aaron Tippin; and LeAnn Rimes is an annual event hailed as the right-wing answer to FarmAid or Billy Graham's Cracker Tour.

Coulter, who plays mouth-harp, and was raised white trash in a New Canaan suburb by sharecroppers said, "You can take the girl out of the Connecticut, but you can't take the Connecticut out of the girl. And if you even think about it, I'll cut your balls off!"

The family-filled crowds thrilled to Coulter's signature ballad, If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?; followed by her 2004 hit anthem, Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You; and her moving tribute to the common man: I Shaved my Legs for This?

Hannity, raised as a poor black boy on a rural Long Island stump ranch, acknowledged a contingent of fans wearing pink hats which read, "Sean Hannity for President."

This silly yet disturbing movement, while no tsunami, is causing Internet riplets. The Twin Falls Idaho Hannity Meetup modeled after the successful Howard Dean campaign has 6 members, but needs an organizer to schedule the meetups for the candidate.

No other presidential hopeful has a foothold in Southern Idaho.

Hannity, who pioneered and perfected the Snide Poo-Poo, (a "debate" technique denoting negativity,) gives a "Class D poo-poo" whenever his presidential candidacy--most often mentioned, by himself--comes up. The "Class D" is a lukewarm poo-poo, leaving the door open for future obfuscations, or, some might say, "flip-flops."

What would be the positives for a Hannity run for office?

First and foremost, dominant women and self-loathing gay men love him. His pouty little Irish mouth and boyish looks dampen the drawers of not only the menopausal masses of middle America, but also Southern X-gen housewives, gay men with altar boy fantasies, 20-something guys who own pitbulls, and old men with fading memories of wearing suits and other men listening to them.

"I'd like to grab that tiny Irish hiney and see how conservative he really is," says Lila, lascivious BlatherWatch reader and avid Hannity fan.

Sam, a Blatherreader of unknown gender underscored the wide appeal of this sexy, sexy man. Responding in March to blatherWatch's bestowal upon Hannity the coveted No. 4 spot in our Top 5 Most Narcissistic Talk-jocks/National Edition. He spoke, perhaps, for all of us when he/she wrote, "I'd fuck Sean Hannity if I didn't have to talk to him."

From the awards presentation:

We all suffer because on TV, Hannity looks like a choir boy. His freckled cheeks and tiny Irish lips send certain women into fugues of fuck-him/nurture him. One key to his great radio ratings (#2 after Rush and gaining fast) is that he's busted women into the historically male audience. The latest unscientific Talker's Magazine poll puts male listeners at 54% to women's 46%--up 10 points since 2000 and Hannity has had a lot to do with it. Carefully chosen by Fox News to sit next to Hannity is Alan Colmes, who looks reptilian while Hannity's blow-dried demeanor exudes clean, guilt-free, Catholic safe sex.   

When he says: "I gotta be honest," and does that "praying hands" thing, as he tells yet another whopper--ratings soar, and grown men jump up and shout: "You're a great American, Sean!"

He'd be dynamite on the stump with his smarmy moralistic, patriotic bromides, and his discipline to his count-'em-on-his-fingers talking points. Not to mention that maddening but carefully programmed curl that falls right down the middle of his forehead.

What would his problems be?

Well, he's a liar. That's a problem. He's frequently exposed by Al Franken, MediaMatters, or the Center for American Progress, but Hannity never has to answer for his lies, since he rarely appears anywhere except on his own media where he has total control.

On the stump, of course, there'd be no more "debate," he'd be accountable at last. At the mercy of Tim Russert or George Stephanopoulis, he'd have to answer the hard questions without an override on the microphone or the ability to edit out the tough spots from the interview.

Unfortunately, the blowback from being caught lying can be overcome: look at Bush's successes. Remember: we forgave Bill Clinton's dissembling because we liked him.

Hannity's from the Northeast, that's not good when his party and the country is dominated by the South. But he's working on that:

His annual country-western concert, the Memphis /Nashville/Atlanta name-dropping, his achy-breaky bumper music, the slouchy Garth Brooks cowboy hat, and the pure Hereford steer shit FedExed from Montana that his personal assistant spreads on his custom Manolo Blahnik shit-kickers; all give the Long Island Catholic boy a Protestant, rural, red state shine that makes him look more authentic than many drab, button-down red state politicians.

He's got potential as a 21st century American politician: he's rich and famous, and has the gift of blab and the blow-dried head for self-promotion. He's already been prettied-up and sold with the potent cross-marketing of television, radio and books.

He has the cracked moral compass needed to be a Republican any more, and as a partisan hack, he's never shown anything but the utmost in party-line loyalty.

As obnoxious an idea as it is, blatherWatch doesn't think it's all that outrageous to imagine Sean Hannity as a viable candidate for something or another in 2012, if not '08.

Comments

[Duane]

Michael, I know it's difficult for you liberals swimming UPSTREAM against a swift current. But, the political tide has changed. It began in 1994 and the shrill, shreiking from the left is NOT going to get the democrats back in the winner's circle. I do think a two party system is a good thing, but your donkey's are more quickly becoming DODO's than anything else. Name calling, outrageously negative remarks, spinning, etc. is worse than a whining child throwing a snit in a toy store. And that's the truth.
As an aside, today, JFK, would not be championed at all...He was far too conservative for today's democrat or liberal.

[mndcrm]

ever notice that ann coulter has that meth twitch, ya know like the tweekers you see on cops. she can't look anyone in the eye and is always looking around left and right, up in the air, anywhere but the interviewer. kind of reminds me of kurt cobain kind of spacey heroin look. would ann coulter submit to a drug test? maybe she is on some med's to keep her from hearing the voices? just watch her mext time. makes ya wonder.

[Michael B.]

MNDCRM:

Whatever she's taking it's working well for her.

[umo]

Hannity will never run for President. If elected he would have to take a gigantic paycut.

[sparky]

Name calling, outrageously negative remarks, spinning, etc. is worse than a whining child throwing a snit in a toy store. And that's the truth.
You are so right...that Ann Coulter really needs to clean up her act and be more ladylike.

[chris]

Hey duane, Nelson Rockfeller was far too "liberal" for his party in 64, that's when the real smear campaigns began, against their own party members.... LOL!

[chris]

and also look to Newt's mercurial stance not long after the so-called "contract with or on America" in which lying about term limits became a virtue (see Lying George Nethercutt)and Newtie was ousted tsk, tsk...he set the foundation for modern conservatism, by ending up in the cement.

[Duane]

Once again...Liberals are out of control, crazy loonies, because they lost control of the house, the senate and I think their badders. PERIOD. They brought it on themselves, Hillary Health Care started the slide and keeps going farther off course all they time. Disgaree with me all you want. I don't mind. The facy is the democrat party has lost seats in the house and senate since 1994. You can't dispute that fact. I honestly believe, at the rate the current crop of howling losers in DC are going you will lose many more seats. That should make me happier than hell....I am smiling, but I do think a viable 2 party system is a good thing. Take a good look at your "mouthpieces"...all negative....no alternate ideas presented. Wake UP.
Does anyone know if Dr Howard Dean practiced with Dr. Jack Kervorkian???

[chris]

Hillary, health care and Dean keep you lying awake at nite....

[Duane]

No, Chris, they DON'T....As I have said democrats have lost seats in the senate and house EVERY election since 1994, so I do sleep well.....spin that one for me. It's your party's whacko socialist ideas that are the ruination of your party.

[chris]

socialism, haliburton, sis bam boo! Nethercutt lost his seat too

[ExDem]

Duane,

Hate to admit you're right. I used to vote Democrat up and down the ticket, until it became such an embarrasment to do so.

Guys like Chris just added to the embarrasment.

[chris]

That's your best shot? That you 'used' to vote democratic? Was how you voted up and down the embarrassing part

[ExDem]

It didn't used to be embarrasing to vote Democratic for people like Booth Gardner, Henry Jackson, etc.

It is embarrasing now that the Democrats cater to MoveOn.org, Air America, Howard Dean, Jesse Jackson, Barbara Boxer, etc.

The childish nature of the partisans on the left is neither productive nor entertaining anymore. And that's why Democrats keep losing elections across the country - ordinary people think the far left is too wierd to be trusted with running the government.

Who cares what my "best shot" is? The American people are taking their "best shot" and choosing conservatives.

[chris]

well no sir, it is not by a landslide, the country is evenly divided which means that ANY leader would, in the past work both sides of the aisle. This one has a 'take-it-or-leave-it attitude' which is unheard of, even Nixon had to sign the Amtrak and PBS authorization in thier initial stages. What you have is demonization in which anyone who runs contrary to the adminastration party line is considered 'un-american'and your words "an embarassment'

Is a WH staffer who leaks information about someones wife for pure political vengance an embarrassment?
Is the fact that Sept 11th is always brought up as an excuse to go to war in another country which had nothing to to do with 9/11 an embarassment? Is the real fact that Bush has not made the world any safer and cannot build any coalition among most of the world leaders any concern to you that this is an embarassment?

The real embarassment is that 1,800 US service people are dead, over no factual intellegence that Iraq was a threat to the US and that ladies and gentleman, is not embarassing, as much as it was based on a lie. 50% of the country is not a mandate and the others are not choosing 'conservative'. You're so full of shit... over 70% want soc.sec NOT to go into the stock market gamble..

Moveon.org can't be anymore detestable than GOPAC was in Newt's day, and AirAmerica? Least no one on there is being indicted on drug charges like Rush and his miracle ear problem. and I havent mentioned O Really and his falafel or is it lufah which cost him plenty to settle before it even went to court. These are all facts, look them up before you quote the lying liars.

[ExDem]

Chris,

Sorry you have trouble dealing with reality. The Republican party gained seats in the U.S. House, the Senate, Governerships and State Legislatures in the past 3 elections.

Despite all of things you detest about the President and how every single bit of it has played out in the mainstream media, the majority of voters elected George Bush.

So keep believing that somehow you know better than the majority of voters. They know every single "fact" you've listed, and they continue to choose the Republicans. Being on the losing side is driving people like you to madness instead of inspiring you to consider the possibility that your beliefs and your positions are out of step with the rest of the country.

[sparky]

Ex Dem, if everyone believed as you ( sit back and accept it because it's just inevitable) then things such as civil rights, women's rights, etc. would have never gone anywhere because at the beginning, neither were popular with voters. It took the combined voices of what was once the minority, over a long period of time, to change things.

Go ahead and be one of the sheeple if it comforts you to be part of the "popular crowd". It doesnt make the policies the right ones, just the "popular ones", but its obviously where you want to be.

[ExDem]

Sparky,

Tell us all which accurately reflect your true feelings:

1. You are smarter than the majority of voters in America.

2. The country would be better if you could pick our government leaders without all of these other dunderheads voting for the wrong people.

3. The current administration has done absolutely nothing right.

4. The current administration is evil.

5. The will of the people as reflected by majority votes is not a good method for governing. Thus, things like the Constitution, the Civil Rights Act and Supreme Court rulings should be thrown aside because majority votes were used as the criteria for passing them.

6. This country would be better if a smarter, more benevolent, minority of people could make all of the decisions. Just like in Communist countries.

7. It's too hard to convince other people you disagree with to do the "right thing". Thus, we need a better way to help smarter minorities to get their way faster without having to bother with using the mechanisms of our democratic republic.

[sparky]

oh..hmm...well, I guess I choose "all of the above" !!

Thanks for the example of the Chewbacca Defense:

The Chewbacca Defense is a satirical term for any legal strategy or argument that seeks to overwhelm its audience with nonsensical arguments and thus confuse them into failing to take account of the opposing arguments and, ultimately, to reject them. It is thus a kind of logical fallacy, specifically a red herring fallacy and non sequitur similar to argumentum ad nauseam.

[ExDem]

Whatever....

Average people go on living in the real world while others head further toward irrelevant fringes of society. Sounds like there are sufficient numbers of other kooky leftists to keep you company in the exclusive world of "truly enlightened" people.

Thanks for sharing though.

[Heywood Jablome]

If he is truly thinking of running, he needs to seal his college transcripts now!

Can you imagine if he played that card like the Messiah? Libs would cry outrage and protest in the streets.

Speaking of which there are still wars going on, why are the smelly kids not protesting anymore? Is the vat of kool-aid still full?