It was fun listening to talk host John Carlson (KVI, m-f, 3-6p) trying to calm crazed Christian callers convinced that J.K.Rowling and Satan conspired to spawn the Harry Potter books the better to eat our children.
As everyone in Christendom must know by now, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, was released at midnight Friday to an avid (Christians would say “obsessed”) audience of mostly preteens and their parents.
One particularly worried mom named Caroline declared: “Witchcraft is real.” She's convinced, like so many evangelicals, that the glorification of the supernatural and the occult in the Potter books and games like Dungeons and Dragons lead to satanic ritual abuse at the very least, or service to The Devil and certain damnation at the most.
“Haven’t you read the Bible?” she asked.
Carlson said he’d read the Bible straight-through twice. He sounded like he was talking about having done his intellectual reading duty, as one might say one had read The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire or Ulysses.
Carlson’s a Catholic, and they don’t read the Bible the way fundamental Protestants do. Catholics traditionally hear Scripture mostly by homily in church by priests. Fundamentalists carry Bibles around like lunch pails, study them constantly, and are raised memorizing and reciting chapter and verse. The Bible is the One Way, and the Last Word on everything they do, no matter how arcane and contradictory it may be.
Carlson stuck up for Rowling, saying C.S. Lewis, the Christian-approved writer of the Chronicles of Narnia used the supernatural in preaching good & evil as did Lewis’ friend and Christian contemporary J.S. Tolkien, the Lord of the Rings guy.
Evangelicals say Rowling blatantly presents witchcraft, satanism, occult symbolism and pagan mythology. “Unfortunately," writes one superheated flack for Christian videos, “many don't recognize, or understand Witchcraft, and thousands of young readers are led to accept them as whimsical and harmless by Rowling's repackaging of Witchcraft in its most dangerous form--children's fantasy literature.”
This Bible-based paranoia would eliminate Halloween, Snow White, The Wizard of Oz, and Santa Claus, as well as ouija boards, astrology and the Cookie Monster.
In the ‘80’s, hyperventilating Christian evangelists like the ebullient, money-grubbing exorcist Rev. Bob Larson described huge Satanist covens elaborately conspiring to abduct and eat our children in mass rituals. Christian “psychologists” got children’s “recovered memories” through hypnosis and fear, and accused ostensibly god-fearing parents of Satanic rituals that included infanticide and cannibalism. Families were splintered, and lives were ruined.
There were Christian urban legends about 1000’s of Satanist-related murders (Of course the guy who heard Jesus tell him to murder his kids was never accused of Christian-related murders).
The Satanists-in-suburbia stuff is all but forgotten now in Christian circles, and Bob Larsen is disgraced, but the basic beliefs are still there if you dig into the evangelical dogmatics. (though for the life of us, we can’t find the word “witch” in the Bible--as it turns out, they were a misogynistic medieval invention the apex of which is this year’s cinematic redux of “Bewitched.)”
What makes us grin is watching Republicans like Carlson and Michael Medved (who we’ve heard make the same pro-Potter arguments) rhetorically contort to stay in bed with folks like Caroline without laughing out loud.
Republicans have done an incredible job convincing Christians that somehow free markets, laissez faire economics, lowering taxes, shrinking government, eliminating unions and the social safety net, etc. are somehow biblical and fit with the values issues Christians care about--even when these conservative stances are counter to their own self-interests.
But there’s a price to be paid for this by Republicans and libertarian conservatives. To keep the evangelicals, they must pander to the goofy politics of censoring the beloved Harry Potter, regulating "decency," policing the airwaves, legislating against reproduction rights, stem cell research and birth control; or passing laws to bring back fault divorce, school prayer, adultery and sodomy laws or outlawing teen sex. (as they tried hilariously to do in Washington State in 1994).
Putting government in these areas of our private lives is repugnant and extreme to most Americans. It’s a problem for Republicans, as they found out with the Terry Schiavo case. Eventually this culture war will come down to a real head count, and Republicans, if they must stay in the room with these goofy orthodox Christians, will lose it.
There is enough real scary stuff in the world without having to go look for it..
If any of the protestors bother to read the books--and NONE of the people I know who dislike the book have cracked a single page--would find that good triumphs over evil every time. Parents certainly have the right to regulate their child's reading...just so they dont try to make it so mine cant.
Posted by: sparky | July 16, 2005 at 07:33 PM
It is definitely an unholy alliance that "sensible" Republicans have made with religious fanatics. You can see it unravelling with the upcoming Supreme Court nomination. The moneymen behind the Republican Party don't give a damn about these social issues; they just want more freedom and less regulation on their businesses, and more government contracts. It will be fun to see how this plays out.
Posted by: David Williams | July 17, 2005 at 09:14 AM
(Chong): One time I played Black Sabbath at 78 speed, man.
(Cheech): And then what happened?
(Chong): I saw God!
Posted by: mndcrm | July 17, 2005 at 09:41 PM
If you are in denial of the satanic influences in the affairs of the world, you are destined to pay a price for your ignorance and scorn. Satan's power is displayed all around us, it is obvious to anyone who is truly open to God's working in the world. We're pretty sure we've detected the evil one lurking around this website, too. Please open your mind to The Word and God's will and love for you. Save yourself and let yourself be saved by Him.
Posted by: mel | July 17, 2005 at 10:52 PM
The panzerpope doesn't like Harry Potter so why does Carlson think it's OK?
Posted by: drool | July 18, 2005 at 10:36 AM
I can't beleive I missed this. I always like when Carlson or Medved insist that Conservatives are perfectly normal, and then go into a subject like this and all the freaks come out. It's like when Medved use to do Fawn Rainforest and it would end up being an hour of looney rightwingers yelling at him (and apparenlty unable to get the joke). Strange that Medved doesn't do that any more. Although, when he did, I started to think that he was in fact a liberal getting back at conservatives by ironic mockery. But not even Medved is that brilliant.
Posted by: JDB | July 18, 2005 at 05:45 PM
What a rip-roaring party of idiocy!
These people are why I can't join up with the Republican party. They see little kid's heads spinning around and spitting up split-pea soup when they see this silly book.
On the other hand, there are plenty of religious zealots on the other side, they just call themselves "activists." Evey read any writing of the gender feminists with their obsession about the patriarchy. (Actually, they'd be in much better moods if they could just get laid, but they can't, so they attack).
Posted by: BananaLand(aka Iguana) | July 19, 2005 at 09:24 PM
BananaLand said:
Actually, they'd be in much better moods if they could just get laid, but they can't, so they attack
methinks you just summed up the lives of a few posters here...heheh
Posted by: sparky | July 19, 2005 at 10:06 PM
I like Harry, and I mostly like your article, but this is ridiculous: "...we can’t find the word 'witch' in the Bible..." Then you didn't look! The words witch and witchcraft occur a total of 9 times in the Bible, most famously in Exodus 22:18, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." The word wizard appears another 11 times.
Posted by: Clyde Adams III | September 06, 2005 at 12:27 PM
mndcrm spews:
"We're pretty sure we've detected the evil one lurking around this website, too."
Um, is that anything like gaydar? Maybe "Satandar"?
BTW, Michael Medved is obsessed with sodomy!
Posted by: Perry Hodder | December 11, 2006 at 09:52 PM
Behold - My favorite sport:
Conservative Cannibalism.
Anything we can do to foster this trait will only bring more thrills, spills and doctor billz (ie, entertainment).
Here's a start Michael - spread this message of good-will to the fundy ayatollah masses:
"It's a very 'Harry' White House Christmas" (2003)
and the direct link to the whitehouse website:
Quote: "Even Muggles will enjoy the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft"
See? Maybe Hugo Chavez was RIGHT!?
*dramatic cliff-hanger music*
Posted by: mercifurious | December 11, 2006 at 11:14 PM
OH! I almost forgot.
Pictures are worth 666 words. Remember to show-off these gems to your fundy friends:
Laura and George with a pair of Ronnie James Dio's
Jenna throwin' some demon horns
Laura with a Satanic Salute, AND pointing towards HELL(!!!)
Now. Let's all just lay back and watch the chips fall
Posted by: mercifurious | December 11, 2006 at 11:22 PM
Mercifurious you lazy liberal ass with no substantive intellectual arguments.
I wipe my ass with the garbage you write.
Posted by: Mercifurious is Dead | December 11, 2006 at 11:33 PM
Gawd MID. Your trolling makes me soooooooooo hot. And "wiping your ass with my garbage"? Climaxville.
I gotta go smoke now. I left some cash on the nightstand.
XOXOXOX
~M
Posted by: mercifurious | December 11, 2006 at 11:52 PM