The Pope has one, Jerry Falwell has one, President Bush is trying to get one for Terri Schiavo. Rush Limbaugh wishes he had one just so he could remove it.
Feeding tubes are hot.
“Colostomy bags are so “’90’s,” said Nicki Hilton. “Even the ones by Prada.”
You’ll see feed tubes down the elegant gullets and up the re-deviated noses of supermodels, glitterati and chic Manhattan shop girls in midtown eateries such as Comatose, offering “pourable” chicken salad, liquid brunch, and sablefish smoothies.
“I used to be vegetarian, said Tree, a spokesmodel for the Emesis Institute, “now I’m vegetative.”
Out in Connecticut, Martha Stewart used a glue gun to make her feed tube out of cattails, nylon net and a half dozen condoms in tropical colors.“I’m sensing that food processors are coming back,” the Household Diva told reporters while "tubing" a liquified free-range squid. She wouldn’t say whether it would be Cuisinart or Robot Coupe to get the nod from her portfolio.
“That’s between a girl and her broker,” she said.
Donald Trump bought a matched set of gold and platinum Tiffany tubes for Melania.
“She can choose the stone, but now she’ll eat whenever and whatever I want,” he said.
Word from the Vatican that the Pope was having a breathing tube inserted caused a sensation today in New York.
“That's awesome," said Tree, “The world is going totally tubular.”
What!?? Do you think you can say whatever you want on a blog?! That's the Holy Papal Tube you're joshing about! How wickedly sacreligious! Is nothing in or out of this world sacred?
Posted by: Joss | March 30, 2005 at 03:53 PM
This made me laugh out loud.
Posted by: sonny | March 31, 2005 at 12:48 AM
Topics like feeding tubes and the value of life shouldn't be mocked. We're in a spiritual war with blogs like you. don't worry, well win. We love you. Repent of this and save yourself.
Posted by: Rachel Anne Merwyn | March 31, 2005 at 12:55 AM
We shall not repent, we shall always be the voice of satire, bringing the dark side to light! A sweet, sweet, piece, Mr. Blather....
Speaking of hysterical hypocrisy, Tom Delay has just announced in re: the death of Terri Schiavo "The time will come for men responsible for this to answer for their behavior." Your time is here, Tom....
Posted by: Fremont | March 31, 2005 at 09:37 AM
I know you guys think this is funny, but your lack of compassion is disgusting. Even Allen Prell had respectful news about the pope. Would every news channel cover YOUR death? I don't know how you can live with yourselves.
Posted by: Joss | April 01, 2005 at 03:17 PM