BlatherWatch

Billy Bob: CREMATION, MATRICULATION, JEOPARDY AND SAVAGE NATION

Billy Bob (whose real name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends. He knows more than we do, but not as much as he used to.

by Billy Bob  

I've got extra tea-bags dangling from my Charlie Daniels baseball-cap and extra ice-cubes in my Jack Daniels glass...and I'm ready to prove once again that when people say "There are No Stupid Questions", it means they haven't read Billy Bob...

Billy Bob: BASEBALL, ROCKSTAR, TAMI-PIE AND BEAUJOLAIS

 Billy Bob (whose real name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends. He knows more than we do, but not as much as he used to.

Billy Bob: exterminators, commentators, playboy & the flintstones

Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends.

by Billy Bob

 

I've got a fresh triple-latte from my favorite Bikini Barista and I'm ready to tackle the Northwest's most pressing media issues....

Billy Bob: extinct pd's, pat cashman, ken griffey & seinfeld

 Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished   his circle of friends.

By Bill E. Bob

Whoa, the inbox is keeping me busier than Mike Siegel at a Hair Club for Men convention. So, as my friends in the SPD would say, let's go to the video tape...

Dear Billy:  It must really suck to be a radio program director. When Dennis Kelly left KOMO/KVI they decided to just let some dudes in TV run the radio stations. Now, I read that Paul Duckworth, a former KOMO program director has been canned from his job as P.D. of WMAL in Washington DC. That station is owned by Citadel and they've decided that the PD of their Chicago station will also be PD of WMAL. From Chicago!  He will run a station in Washington while still being in charge of his station in Chicago!  This must be really bad for people in the business, no?  Signed, Donny Donowitz.

 

Dear Donny:  It's really bad for the listeners. It's one more sign that corporate owners don't care about the product. All they care about is profit.

Dear Billy: KPTK seems more and more to be a waste.  Every weekend I hear some infomercial or a re-run. And during the week there is absolutely zero local content. And, of course there are no local hosts. Doesn't their program director care?  Signed, Archie Hicox.

Dear Archie:  Well, uh, they don't really have a program director. One of the CBS music stations PD's runs KPTK on the side. Look at the ratings. You get what you pay for.

Dear Billy:  I still see Pat Cashman on TV all the time, mostly doing Taco-Time commercials. I think he's great and it's a shame he's not doing a radio show somewhere.  I loved Pat and Dustin Hornby and Lisa Foster. And even though his show's not on the air he still has a huge fan club and a fan website, Patpack.org. Why isn't he on the radio?  Signed Frederick Zoller.

Dear Fred:  The Pat-Packers are all older than Clem Flerm and crazier than Ted Crackerwagon.

Dear Billy:  I know that Talkers magazine puts out its so-called Heavy Hundred Talkers list every year of the most famous talk show hosts around the country. Seattle radio doesn't seem to be too well represented. Who would you say is the biggest talk host in Seattle?  Signed, Hans Landa

 

Dear Hans: Kirby Wilbur is the biggest. Now, if you mean most famous, that would be Dave Ross.

 

Dear Billy: I see on a Portland radio website that KXL-AM, the station that Paul Allen used to own, is ranked #4 in the 25-54 demo and is actually number one in morning drive.  Pretty impressive for an AM station. KXL is actually doing better with the new People Meters than they did with Arbitron's old diary method of ratings. Do you think that makes KIRO's decision to switch to FM before People Meters the worst business decision of all time? Signed, Bridget von Hammersmark

 

Dear Bridget: No. It's the 5th worst. Behind the Edsel, Kitchen Fresh Chicken, New Coke and the Red Sox trading Babe Ruth.

 

Dear Billy: KJR was talking non-stop recently about the kerfuffle over Mariner Ken Griffey, Jr. napping in the clubhouse during a recent game. Have you ever heard of any of our local talk show hosts napping during their show?  Signed, Shoshana Dreyfus

Dear Shoshana: Many KTTH listeners nap during the Michael Medved show.

 

Dear Billy:  Hi, First-time/long-time here. I see that weekend money man Bob Brinker is cutting his workload in half and will now do his show on Sundays only, no more Saturday show. Will KIRO-FM fill this hole with more national syndication or might we get a local show?  Could Tom Douglas return? Maybe even a return of Phil the News Junkie? Signed, Aldo Raine

 

Dear Aldo: Oddsmakers in Vegas are picking syndication. By the way, no truth to the vicious rumor that Phil was so despondent over losing his show that KIRO newsies started calling him "Phil the Noose Junkie."

 

Dear Billy: I'm hearing rumors that Q-13 Fox is working with Luke Burbank to produce a late-night weekend sitcom with local radio types. What's the scoop? Are Ron & Don involved? Signed, Hugo Stiglitz

Dear Hugo: They're considering a local remake of Seinfeld. Luke would play Jerry. TBTL's Jen Andrews would be Elaine. KVI's Bryan Suits will play Kramer. Frank Shiers gets the nod as George Costanza. Neighbor Newman will be played by KTTH gabber David Boze. And, yes, Ron & Don get parts.  Don plays Frank Costanza; Ron will be his wife, Estelle. Georgieeee!

 

Billy Bob: wilbur, groz, the fish & the clampetts

Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends.

By Billy Bob

As Randy Jackson would say, yo, yo, yo, Dawg, listen. I'm back, baby, back. I'm all dope and ready to handle the enormous backlog of reader questions. Sorry to be gone for so long, but I've spent the past few months on the road doing some tea-bagging.

Billy Bob: blame jane shannon!

Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends.

By Billy Bob

Soon, we may run out of radio people to talk about, but until then, step aside Dear Abby.  For I have some more of our readers’ bone-headed questions and my incredibly insightful retorts.

Dear Billy: I see all this crap on your stupid Blatherwatch and the message boards attacking Bonneville for firing morning news gal Jane Shannon from KIRO's Gregg Hersholt show. But don't you think Bonneville knows what they're doing? The ratings are at an all-time low. Revenue is off. I'm sure they do research and I'm sure they had good reasons for getting rid of Jane. Signed, Eastlake Insider

Dear EI:  Yes, Jane Shannon is primarily responsible for KIRO's decline.

Ask Billy Bob: asinine absurdities, audio train-wrecks, astute retorts

Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends.

By Billy Bob

More questions from the populace, along with my astute retorts:

Dear Billy: There are three all-sports stations in town. KRKO, KJR, and ESPN. So how come the biggest sports radio personality in all of the Northwest, New York Vinnie, is not working anywhere? What do you think about Vinnie riding the bench?  Signed, Mrs. Riccicci.

Billy Bob: latter-day beer, boobs, and family values

Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, and diminished his circle of friends.

By Billy Bob

More questions and comments from my half-dozen or so fans.

Dear Billy: I thought Mormon-owned radio stations had standards when it came to the type of advertisements they wouldn't accept, in particular BB&F (beer, boobs, and family values). Today on 710 ESPN I heard an ad for 1-800-DIVORCE and then a report from the Miller Lite sports desk and, as part of a station contest, Kevin Collabro does 'sports interviews' with Hooter's girls. I guess money trumps values, no?  Signed, Priscilla Pennyworth, Medina.

Ask Billy Bob: "molehill out of The Mountain?"

(Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, and diminished his circle of friends. He's taken readers' questions, today.

By Billy Bob

After my last column taking questions about local radio, my inbox was stuffed. Well, it was mostly porn. But there were a few radio comments and questions:

Dear BB: What's up with The Mountain always getting rid of their big personalities? John Fisher. Crow and West. Now they've axed Marty Reimer. What are they trying to do?  Signed, G.M. Donovan

Ask Billy Bob: what would you do to fix "the KIROs?"

(Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, and diminished his circle of friends. Recently, he and his faithful readers had a chat about how to fix KIRO, the station that threw it 

(photo: Mr. Bob; thanks, Diane Arbus)

all away by flipping to FM, and leaving a sports talker in their heritage AM blowtorching spot on the dial).