Ask Billy Bob: asinine absurdities, audio train-wrecks, astute retorts

Billy Bob (whose name is neither Billy nor Bob) worked long in the Seattle radio market wearing a suit. He says the experience heightened his sense of irony, augmented his influences, and diminished his circle of friends.

By Billy Bob

More questions from the populace, along with my astute retorts:

Dear Billy: There are three all-sports stations in town. KRKO, KJR, and ESPN. So how come the biggest sports radio personality in all of the Northwest, New York Vinnie, is not working anywhere? What do you think about Vinnie riding the bench?  Signed, Mrs. Riccicci.

Dear Mrs. R: I hope it's a sturdy bench.

Dear Billy: A few years back the employees at KIRO radio voted to get rid of their union, AFTRA, The American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. It was controversial, contentious and a very close vote. Now, under new owner, Bonneville, many of those employees have been fired and those still working have had to take a pay cut. I bet they wish they had voted to keep their union badges. Signed, J. Sandifer

Dear J: Badges? Yeah, but think of the money they saved on union dues!

Dear Billy:  I never see or hear anyone complain about how one company, Metro News, is providing not just traffic reports, but lots of the news that you hear on Seattle radio. It seems like almost all of the stations, even the big ones, now get all or some of their news from Metro Traffic. Plus the stations never tell us if the news is coming from their own staff, or from Metro. Don't you think everybody outsourcing their news coverage to one company is deceptive and bad for the industry? Signed, Mr. Traditional

Dear Mr. T: I heard they're moving their news operations to South Carolina after ICE raided their newsroom and shipped all their reporters back to Nogales.

Dear Billy: One of the things I really miss on KIRO is the "Stick a Fork In It" feature that Dan Restione used to do with a sexy sounding female reporter. It was a very cute restaurant review. But when Bonneville took over, the feature seems to have ended. Can you tell me what happened? Signed, Bonnie Petite

Dear Bonnie: Maybe the Bonneville brass were concerned that Dan wanted to stick something other than a fork in it.

Dear Billy: I work in digital audio/video programming and I love KPTK. But I'm absolutely dumbfounded by their ongoing audio train-wrecks. I frequently hear their traffic reports, news updates and commercials being cut off before they end. And I'm talking about problems that have been going on not just for a few days or weeks or months. But for years! Why don't their people fix it?  Signed, Exasperated

Dear Ex: What people?

Dear Billy: Here's my prediction on KVI's future. Kirby is kicked to the Kirb when his contract ends. The Laura Ingraham Show (m-f, 3-5p) gets moved to it's real "live" time in mornings. (6 to 9a in Seattle.) Weissbach does a 3 hour show in afternoons on the cheap. Suddenly mornings sound a lot better. Suddenly mornings sound a lot better. And Fisher saves a flour-sack full of money. What do you think? Signed, Ingraham Insider

Dear Insider: Laura does her show that early in the morning? No wonder she always sounds bitchy!

Dear Billy: I have two "Double-A's", Asinine Absurdities. First, KIRO says they want the afternoon guys to do more local stuff, so, instead of changing the guys who do the show, they change the producer? Then, to make it a double, they hire a guy from out of town. You telling me that with all the out-of-work newspaper and radio people they have to go out of town? Next, all the local right-wing hosts are ragging on state government for losing Boeing to South Carolina. They claim it's because of our state's high taxes. But because South Carolina has low taxes, their unemployment fund is broke and they need a federal bailout. Double absurdity: those right-wing hosts, along with you and me, will have to pay federal taxes to support out of work South-Carolinians so that Boeing can take away local jobs. Signed, Ticked Off

Dear Ticked:  Actually... (note to my lazy editor, just delete this one, this a-hole is making too much sense.) EDITOR'S NOTE: We appreciate some common sense once in a while in this column).

Dear Billy: I'm in the radio business and I can tell you things are so tough I can barely sleep. I keep having this nightmare that my company's CEO is in town and I accidentally run over him with my car in the parking lot leaving him seriously injured. Any suggestions on what I can do? Signed, Board Op

Dear B-O: Back up and try harder.

Comments

[Stalin]

Dear BB; How did you get Putz into that box?

Another gem of a post.

[Puget Sound]

actually, it's coils.
but didn't realize Lucifer allowed coffe breaks. but 'thanks' for thinking of me given that you should be burning in hell for your crimes against humanity.

[sparky]

actually, its GG..it is plastered all over Capitol Hill...

[taxman]

No, no...here's Putz.

[AuthenticAndrew]

pretty funny, but definately below the belt.

[largemarge]

Looks like someone is trying to break up the frat club troll party. I wouldn’t worry about these cons Andy, they’re big boys, really big boys.

[RobP]

Another yawner of a column from Billy Bob and the typical smart-ass lib retorts. This blog is about as stale as the Seattle radio market is.

[NefariousNed]

Awww Robbie, kitten in your crawl?

We were invited to this site, I hope you cons don’t mind. Whiners.

[KS]

This one is a yawner. Carry on Blatherites..

[Mr. Tetley]

We understand, this is not as stimulating as Pravda.

[KS]

nor the Daily Kos, Media Matters, Democratic Underground or MSNBC. You are behind the times -The Pravda is more objective journalism than the aformentioned media sources. Why are you against Pravda if you are a neo-com ? Logic is not one of the lefts strong points.

Tetley - you are a fraud, huckleberry breath.

[Joe Park]

You still here KS? You scare my wife

[HatTrick]

Wow, KS seems to be overly excited. I thought it was a yawner for the klueless one. Pravda, objective? Pravda is wholly anti-American. Are you krazy? Keep the love you pinko kommie.

[KS]

"Keep the love you pinko kommie."

Takes one to know one, ass-hat.
Thank you for the accolades, jackasses.

[Catbird]

Oooo KS the Kommie surly got me. you twit. You’ll always be my huckleberry.

[Objective Onlooker]

Wait, KS states “The Pravda is more objective journalism” then when called out for being a “pinko kommie” states, “Takes one to know one”. No dummy, you are putting an anti American rag before disagreement between American political ideologies. In this case, it doesn’t take one to know one. It takes someone with an ounce of brains to see you are an idiot.

[Miss Swan]

He look like a man

[American Eagle]

Objective a-hole It takes anyone with half a brain to see that you are yellow-bellied neo-commie and your head is up your orifice.

[Squeez]

So, Mr. Hunter of Queens, are you a reader of Pravda? Can you support this line of judgment?

[Jock]

KS, your icon didn’t change from the time you posted as “KS” to the time you posted as “American Eagle”. This marks you an idiot. The type that tries to hide. So, a concealed idiot. You know the dummy that has the idea to hide next to the garbage can when mom needs you to move the garbage cans to the street for pickup. Where did you guys get this Numpty?

[joanie]

I think something's awry here. Is our multi-IP'd one back?

Why's everybody pickin' on KS?

[Tommy008]

The priss that is conducting the press conference for S.P.D. , some Assistant Chief, keeps sounding like a dork as he mispronounces Monfort's name as "Mister Manfort". He reminds me of Kathy Bates, the loon in Misery who kept calling the James Caan character "Mister Man". Why doesn't Seattle ever get any cool cops. We seem to have a culture here of prissy, tight-sphinctered dorks and pricks for cops and their cop bosses here. In any eveny good job on the Monfort case, guys in S.P.D. I guess that's the main thing.

[Chuck D]

Numpty is European slang. Looks like someone has invited the Wonkette set to this blog.

[KS]

Does this message get out for a change ?

Whoever tne multi-IP shit weasel is who posted (odds are M.Steele) using the monikers of; Jock, Catbird, Hattrick, Objective Onlooker, it is kinda clever for a fourth grader but dog lame for an adult. Hurling invectives and clever insults don't make your case, it just reflects on who you are.

Every one likes to have a little fun once in a while and post as an alias or under a different name - guilty as charged.

Since you are so infatuated; I'd be glad to send you a year's subscription of the Pravda for a Christmas present -if you give me your mailing address so you can not only be indoctrinated by neo-coms as you seem to buy into, but also traditional commies. Strange as it may seem, I really prefer debating the issues over exchanging insults.