Our patented Lens of Blather is an instrument which allows us to see into the fearful future as predicted by talk radio radio hosts.
It's always a fearsome, gruesome, loathsome place at the bottom of a dozen slippery slopes; moral declines into festering bogs of unintended catastrophes- all forsoothed and told-you-so'd by some of the greatest minds and towering moral exemplars of our time: Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham, Neal Boortz, and Sean Hannity.
We don't venture there often. but we opened the Lens last week to glance into the terrifying future-world of post-Obama health care.
Sad to say, everything talk radio and Fox News said would happen has. America didn't listen to Rush way back in '09, “The crisis in health care is like the crisis in everything else, manufactured… There is no crisis."
With Obama-care, turns out, we got our crisis.
Once it was "take two aspirin and call me in the morning," now it's "Suck on this, and call me next year."
(photo: "fearsome, gruesome, loathsome")
In line at the PO/med center/train station, you're as likely to find yourself behind someone with a head wound as someone mailing a Mother's Day card. Trains come and go, some are empty, some loaded with the halt and the lame off to the Medical Camps. A urine sample goes in the mail slot with the bread and butter note to your Aunt Tudie, and presumably has the same chance of getting shunted to the Cleveland dead letter office. Pregnant women go to the head of the line only if they're in labor- "Special Delivery" has a new meaning in Obamunism.
As Laura Ingraham and Glenn Beck so presciently tried to warn us, Obama's main objective and the very core of his health plan is to ensure that Americans die young.
"Aging is inefficient," says a civil service health czar. "Old people are a drag on the system." These czars, all young, black males from the mean streets of Harvard, work 9 to 4:30 (with an hour for lunch; holidays, weekends, and Lenin's Birthday off) telling little old ladies and their husbands whether they can live or head for the "hospice chutes." (Getting old is discouraged, legislation banning it is pending in the Congress).
He was right: government thugs have stepped between citizens and their doctors. Powerful bureaucrats make the decisions: who gets the kidney dialysis, the lap-band surgery; the full-term pregnancy, the hair-plugs, the bypasses, the Caesarians and lobotomies.
Boortz's words, “Obama’s health care plan is going to end up killing people..." fell on empty ears, and he was right: you're a goner unless you're young, black, gay, a wise Latina, or you give money to the DNC, the ACLU, SEIU or the NAACP.
Target demographics and friendly elites get places at the front of the long lines. Everyone else dies or goes to Craig's List for back-alley tonsillectomies, home chemo-therapy kits, and Mexican black market stool softeners. Drug dealers haunt senior centers with "street" ibuprofen, Flo-Max and Lipitor.
A doctor is paid $7 for a craniotomy or $3.99 for a nose job, and while that might seem great for patients, med school has lost its attraction to bright students, and clogged with free university drop-outs, graphic artists, community activists, and over-the-hill hip-hop performers.
(Photo: the doctor is "in.")
Real doctors have few choices: become a personal physician to a billionaire Democrat, or get a night job at Subway.
(Talk radio topics for the future: Do you tip for your doctor like your hairdresser? 20% of a $7 brain surgery ain't much... do you tip the anesthesiologist? Do you really need one?)
As Hannity predicted, taxidermists, massage therapists and denturists fill in gaps in medical fields in need of practitioners. A doctorate in anything- even English- can mean a lucrative practice, and a respect previously undreamed of by English majors.
- Novelists often supplement their meager incomes doing hemorrhoid transplants; or prostate exams.
- Editors sideline as dentists, putting to use the innate myopia and cruelty that drew them to their chosen line of work.
- Sociologists, and historians with advanced degrees have been successful in the "lite" medical practices like opthamology, and podiatry.
- Anthropologists travel to Manila to learn "psychic surgery," the art of extracting chicken guts from the human body cavity without a scalpel.
Anxious patients flock to veterinarians, now allowed to practice their gentle art on two-legged species. Spaying and neutering are real alternatives in a world where the costs of health care makes child-raising unaffordable. (Abortions are free, as Bill Cunningham (KVI Sundays 7-10p) tried to tell us, and performed on every street corner. Anyone can get one- even men, little children and pets! Unborn fetuses outnumber regular people in many small towns, are all registered Democrats and allowed (or forced) to vote).
If he hadn't died from a botched ear-wax removal by an Atlanta dog groomer, talk host Neal Boortz could be self-righteous for his prediction that knee surgery would be declared "elective," and that the lucrative knee replacement industry and meniscus-trimming cartels would be shut down. Vast communities of the kneeless have sprung up (if that's the word) in California and in the Southwestern suburbs. In hellish, chaotic conclaves fortunately blocked off so children can't see in, elderly inhabitants drag their bad legs around like zombies and participate sadly in fruitless rituals like butt-kicking contests and lap dancing.
It's every man's dream to be a gynecologist, and in this brave, new health world, any man can! Urban neighborhoods are plagued with door-to-door docs like the notorious Five-Minute Gyno, a former pedicurist who offers cut-rate pap smears and breast exams. "At your cervix!" he cries, but reportedly takes up to 20 minutes to do the procedures.
Self-surgery is very popular- especially with the libertarian kidz... and why not??? It's SO non-statist! Besides, no lines and the price is right! Not only body-piercings, and foot callus removal, but also fat globulectamis, orchiectomies and the occasional self-trepanation.
If America could only see what we see through our Lens into the future, maybe they'd forsake their own self-interest and listen to the talk radio geniuses who see the Obama regime for what it is: an autocracy of mercy who wants everybody to die.Help protect our blessed right of uninsuredness, say no to heath care reform!