New social considerations are challenging the Wedding-Industrial Complex through new rules that try to govern everything about weddings: food, transportation, the clothes, and even the sex on that night of nights.
Marriage is hard enough; but getting married in a wedding is a stressor akin to putting down an urban insurgency.
A new sensibility... and oh god help us, a new, eco-chic sensitivity has arisen: the Ethical Wedding, the Sustainable Wedding, the Eco-Friendly Wedding.
For brides, it's a theme for the themeless; a seam for the seamless; a zillion new ways to spend your dad's money; many layers of new things to argue about with your mom; plus a hundred new things potential spouses can fight about.
In a world enmeshed in environmental crisis, a marriage may not be sustainable, but god damn it, the wedding can be, and will!
(O, I know the catering business, and the minefields of wedding planning. The bloodthirstiness of brides and mothers-in-law-to-be; the grumpy reluctance of the fathers who pay; the indictable, engagement-endangering ambivalence of fiancés whose natural inclinations for the day is to drink a lot and go fuck).
The No-Carbon, Faceless, Facebook Wedding...
She's got a keyboard, he's got a keyboard; so does the minister.
Attendees and participants can be anywhere in the world, but
spiritually, and virtually they're liveblogging on your Facebook page.
A guest needs only a monitor, and a credit card to Amazon the gifts.
(As great as that sounds to the males of the species. my guess is you won't be able to sell the excellent concept to anyone of the female race who's decided to hitch up with you. So you'll be sticking, probably, to the conventional non-conventional wedding. Remember: none of this is your call).
What would a sustainable wedding look like? How do you minimize carbon footprints, celebrate fair trade, be green, organic, local, eco-friendly, cruelty-free, recycled -- and still have fun?
I spent a whole day shaking a stick at the options The Betrothed must take in order to be responsible to the planet.
Sustainable wedding consultants
Think paper, not plastic. A consultant should be as re-usuable, and recyclable as a potential mate.
Calculate your wedding emissions with the wedding carbon footprint calculator.
A wedding "don't"
Actress Elizabeth Hurley's long-haul wedding earlier this year produced a carbon footprint so large that it would take the average British couple more than 10 years to contribute as much to heating up the planet as she and bridegroom Arun Nayar have done in little over a week. It would take a typical Indian couple a massive 123 years. A special study, by an Oxford-based footprinting consultancy, suggests the Hurley weddings released around 200,000kg of carbon into the atmosphere.
The rings
Is it romantic to insist your diamond ring have no blood on it? Maybe
not, but cruelty-free jewelry isn't a lot to ask. You'll
want socially just and environmentally sustainable alternatives to
precious metals and gemstones. From My Ethical Wedding: "...wood, titanium, recycled gold; set with conflict-free diamonds,
vintage diamonds, man-made diamonds, or no diamonds at all. For the
diamond is the ultimate paradox: the icon of value and purity, and the origin of greed and violence."
The bride-to-be had a problem during the engagement finding a ring with
scruples, so they punted for a while: "I wore a series of temporary birch bark rings, lovingly braided by my darling fiancé every time I broke the previous one."
Nonviolent wedding dresses
Can a white dress be green? Of course: you'll pay through your pretty little nose, but buy a dress made of peace silk.
Commercial silk kills the silkworm. Conventional silk is made by boiling the intact cocoons. Only a few moths are allowed to emerge to continue the population of silkworms. The rest
are killed by being boiled in their cocoons. "Peace Silk" lets the silkworm live out its full life cycle. "Also known as "vegetarian silk" it's raised and processed so the moths are allowed to emerge from their cocoons to live out their full life cycle. (photo: happy, vegan silkworm)
Find a used dress or buy retro. Value Village Bridal Boutique, garage sales. Ask your mother if you can wear her old one. Ethical underwear: no polyesters -- cotton, wool, or don't wear any!
Responsible groom suits
Finding a suit for the bridegroom with a positive social and
environmental edge can be tricky: a restyled, reused suit works or a
carbon-cutting tux made of 100% bamboo.
Wedding cakes
Do a homemade cake or let your mom make one (you know she wants to) but
be sure to use free-range/organic eggs, organic flour, wooden figures
for the top of the cake; and serve very small portions.
(photo: a green "green" wedding cake)
Insurance and banking products
This is gonna cost you, no matter what. (The average price of an American wedding is $28,732, after all).
Use finance institutions with sound ethical policies -- such as not
being involved with any unethical organizations; being committed to
reducing carbon emissions by recycling office waste, and cutting energy use.
Wedding travel, and transport
Use no air travel. Why not go by train, coach or boat? Use vehicles which are run on LPG or bio-diesel, or hire a horse and carriage, rickshaws or bicycles.
The wedding supper
Supply organic, fair trade or locally produced, artisanal food in very small portions and non-refrigerated beverages... Why not ethical foie gras? or Indian food?
Wine & Champagne
Toast to lasting love with an organic and biodynamic wine, or delicious tapwater.
Party favors & confetti 
Save the birds and get rid of the rice! Throw organic, fair trade or
locally produced flower petals or recycled paper "spit balls" or
bird-friendly seeds. Instead of favors on the tables, why not do
something different and donate the money through Oxfam's Unwrapped -- the money you spend on sweets for each guest, could pay for a goat
for a nomadic family.
Stationery, albums, guest books
Send e-mail invitation (or evite!) or, for those family fogies who don't have computers, get invites
locally on recycled cardstock made with fair trade or recycled products (like elephant poo paper) and vegetable-based inks.
(Photo: elephants working on your invitations)
Flowers
Use locally grown and/or organic flowers for your bouquets, buttonholes
and venue decoration. Flowers can be picked in parks late at night to
be "recycled" into your wedding.
Music
Always use acoustic musicians (with acoustic instruments!) whenever
possible to cut down on power used, and sound pollution. Amplified
music can ruin lives, kill living things, and cause oxygen-producing
plants to die.
The Wedding Night
Think about overpopulation: Artis-anal sex; no landfill sex; no Saran Wrap; wood is always good; and here
you can buy natural Pleasure Butters, Passion Candles, nut butters, 100% green love
products and 95% organic personal lubricants. And if all else fails:
May is Nat'l Masturbation Month.
Dang Bla'm
This is such a disappointment. I was so looking forward to food stuff. Weddings suck. The net result is taking a beautiful young woman off the play ground. It can take up to two years to get her to mess around outside the confines of marriage. Such a waste.
Now, deep fried Twinkies slathered in Cajun et touffe sauce, that is what foody's look forward to.
snicker, snicker. have a great day.
Posted by: chucks | May 18, 2008 at 08:29 AM
Another triumph of political correctness. I don't suppose these marraiges last any longer than any other. And they just serve to give more money to Al Gore wallet.
Posted by: Ben | May 18, 2008 at 10:24 AM
"the indictable, engagement-endangering ambivalence of fiancés whose natural inclinations for the day is to drink a lot and go fuck).
So true! Planning weddings wouldn't be so bad if men didn't have to be involved. I'm sure they would agree.
Posted by: Katelyn | May 18, 2008 at 10:29 AM
Our daughter wanted to take their friends out and sit under a tree somewhere and "share". We said fine. Cost 300 dollars for some pupus and beer. Best day of my life.
Posted by: Maggie | May 18, 2008 at 10:38 AM
Ah, now that's the simple life, Maggie. You raised her well.
Heard Ron Reagan talking late last night on KPTK. Same style as on KIRO. Congenial, interesting political talk with different subjects from hour to hour. He fits in with the new Air America which seems to be promoting greater diversity and substance with less ranting.
Don't know how Seder fits into that. He rants a bit but keeps it pretty substantial with lots of guests.
Reagan got a lot of callers.
Oh well. Weddings? $25,000? A waste of money and time. We should reconsider the values we are teaching our children.
Finally, I sure didn't like Lee Callahan at first. She's the one who does the eco-friendly stuff for KPTK. I heard her commentary about recyclable metals for rings and recyclable dresses, etc. Had a grating and loud voice. She's toned it down and has increased her presence on KPTK. I like her better.
Peter B. is on right now. He's good. Wish we got more of him.
I miss the foodie review, too.
Posted by: joanie hussein | May 18, 2008 at 09:09 PM
Thanks for this list - too late for us. Regarding the wedding ring, we went with moissanite (twice as sparkly and none of the guilt).
Posted by: seadevi | May 19, 2008 at 07:30 PM