Listeners and readers want to know: what's Dori Monson (KIRO m-f, 12-3p) done to his face?
Specifically: his upper lip?
As you can plainly see in the before photo (left) taken in 2006 and the after shots taken recently, (right) Dori's face has obviously been altered.
The controversy rages 'cross the Internets: Is it lip diminution, or teeth augmentation?
"It's probably both," says Dr. Edgar "Choch" Mañana, a talk radio face analyst who consults for Facebook and Rush Limbaugh's EIB Networks. He made his national chops consulting on the stiffening of Sean Hannity's upper lip which saved his career in 1994, and helped boost it into the stratosphere he currently enjoys.
Mañana does lip service for television networks; tongue-in-cheek work for Hollywood stars; and consulting for such media outlets as BlatherWatch, and Horny Gagger Babe magazine.
The labia majora (upper lip, for those of you who didn't have latin) is the most important organ for a talk host. In fact, it was voted into the Top 10 organs for the first time last year by Talkers magazine; coming in third behind the arugula and the gall bladder.
Only the most important and wealthiest talk show hosts have the money, ego and other assorted wherewithal to go under the knife for such a procedure. The changes in Dori's face coincide with his ascension in 2007 to the virtual throne of King of Seattle Talk Radio.
When we showed Mañana the pictures of Dori, he immediately said "'Dori' is a girl's name, isn't it?"
We agreed it was, and he said right away: "He's been messing with his philtrum."
Wow, we said. We knew that the philtrum is the vertical groove in the upper lip (from the Greek philein, "to love; to kiss").
Mañana says the upper lip is typically thin and the philtrum flat in children with the fetal alcohol syndrome.
Dr. Mañana said often the parents of such children drink too much. Is that why they gave him a girl's name? we wondered. Was Dori a Bourbon baby? The Good Doctor couldn't make a diagnosis without examining Dori, but he guesses he's had both procedures -- front teeth inflation and a lip-shrink.
(photo: Bourbon baby's philtrum, right; look familiar?)
Teeth augmentation is one way to help solve the "no lip" look, but usually the solution is a combination of both lip surgery and orthodontia.
"Unfortunately," says the Doctor, "if the lip procedure is done incorrectly, it has the effect of tightening the anal sphincter causing personality changes. Deepening distrust for institutions; churlishness; narcissism; reversion to adolescent belligerence; political wonkery; emotional generalism; and obsessions with boyhood games involving balls are just a few.
In other words: it enhances the very attributes that make a male talk show host successful.
("That lip!" says a former KIRO distaffer. "Dori used to play with it when he thought no one was looking. Made me wanna puke.")
Mañana says the apparent front teeth enlargement could be an illusion caused by the lip job or even a symptom of aging (long in the tooth). We doubted it, stating that while Dori may sound like your senile Uncle Parvo, he only recently turned 46.
"In that case," Dr. Mañana said, "I suspect he's suffering from the lip to sphincter-related early onset senility."