Blathering 2007: the oddems

In lieu of the deep, well-researched, analytical posts we're capable of, we often skeeze-it- posting compendia of minor bits and cheap shots we call "oddems," a term we stole from Herb Caen. Here are a few from 2007 we're particularly fond of:

~ Is anyone else sick of people bitching about what terrible drivers we all are when it snows? It's such a tedious clichè- Seattleites drive timidly when it snows. Fine. We admit it. We drive that way because we're not used to it and our cars don't have snow tires because we don't get much snow- which is why you moved here, remember? We know, we know, you Midwesterners grew up chipping the ice off your teeth and driving a manure spreader in 10 foot snow drifts. We grew up knowing how to eat an artichoke, and take a cork out of a wine bottle while you were still taking polka lessons. We're happy with our cultural past, and wouldn't trade with you, even if we do yank the wheel the opposite direction of the way we're skidding.

~ Dep't of Corrections: we are so, so, sorry. We've had Ron & Don confused from the beginning. Everything we ever said about Don, we meant Ron. And everything we ever said about Ron, we meant Don. We are so, so, sorry.

~ On the very day of President Lulu's big speech on Iraq, KIRO had boots on the ground in Washington DC, right? Dave Ross and Ronald Reagan were locked and loaded to do the live anal on the speech after the fact, they even had celebrity guests, and bigtime interviews lined up. Wonder why you didn't hear any oif 'em? BECAUSE AFTER THE SPEECH, THEY WENT LIVE TO GODDAM SNOWSTORM COVERAGE!!!

~ Dave Ross's musical intrusion on the live Michael Medved Show Thursday was some very funny radio. Seems Ross was in the studio next door recording a jingle to the tune of "Home On the Range" for Ron Upshaw's (of Ron & Don) blackberry jam. For some reason, the pre-recorded noodling of a Floyd Cramerish piano and Dave's mellifluous baritone singing about blackberry seeds' colonic cleansing properties floated over the national right-wing speechifying by Medved, who, ever the trooper, ever the critic, acknowledged the music, briefly critiqued it (two thumbs down), and went on. It was funny, and enjoyed by all. Dunno (nor care) why Upshaw is selling jam, or why Dave is flacking it. Dori Monson was not involved for once.

~~Did you ever think you'd hear the words, "I'm sorry," out of KVI contrarian Ken Schram's (The Commentators; m-f, 9p-12p) mouth? Dep't of Corrections' Olympia offices were evacuated Friday after Schram ineptly sent a package sans return address containing a bobble head doll of hi mself to corrections chief, Harold Clarke. (It was an award, ironically, for Clarke's ineptitude). Schram speculated on his show that Clarke might have engineered the evacuation to get back at him, but no one was buying that one. Schram's apology from the KOMO Web site: "To the 350 people forced to scurry from their workplace: I'm sorry. To the Tumwater police and state patrol bomb squad who responded and handled things proficiently and professionally: I'm sorry." He didn't apologize for being a pompous, self-mentioning ass- what kind of person has a bobble-head made of himself? But he did say he's sending as penance, 35 dozen Krispy Kremes to the injured parties. (donuts? is that stereotyping cops?) He'll have them delivered, he says, because, "I sure as hell ain't mailing them!" Despite the upside of the obvious headline bonanza generated by the incident, KVI suits are wondering if it might be the bomb-like qualities of The Commentators that's made all the listeners evacuate.

~ Is Dori Monson really the highest-rated talk host in Seattle like he says? No, that would be Rush Limbaugh. But he can say that because if there's one thing we've learned about radio: everybody lies with ratings. Hell, now we do it too. We are the no.1 Seattle talk radio blog, not only in our time slot but in all dayparts. We are the Dori Monson Of The Seattle Blogosphere.

~Major market potty scandal. KIRO in-house email:  "Why oh why, don’t people who use toilet seat covers in public restrooms, throw them away when they are done? I don’t understand it. We have culprit here at KIRO and I’m hot on her trail. There is a woman here at KIRO or maybe KTTH or KBSG– needless to say- major market radio here- who seems bent on goin’ potty and then leaving the seat cover right there on the toilet for someone else to have touch and throw away! That’s just gross! So I posted a sign in our restrooms that said: “If you use a toilet seat cover, please dispose of it when you are finished. No one should have to do that for you.”

~ God is not a great talk radio topic, usually. However, Bryan Styble's lecture on his personal toilet paper preferences on KIRO's 50,000 watts last week made us google frantically for the Hour of Power. Bryan is mad that t e only papier hygiénique you can get these days is unscented white- "I used to prefer the light blue or pink," he explained. He blames the environmentalists for this outrageous slippage in his quality of life. Bryan has even more opinions than we do.

~ Jesus Frank, Dep't: We've been trying to let up on Frank "Shudder" Shiers lately for some long-forgotten altruistic reason. When we heard he'd be filling in for Dori Monson (this week, we thought it might be nice to have a hubris break. But Frank's long, long, Wednesday segment, "Should I take my 5-year-old daughter to Walking With Dinosaurs at the T-Dome?" made us cry out for hubris, what with all the self-indulgent bragging/complaining. The bragadacio was about being such a good daddy and spending all this time with his kid, but couched in the facile complaint that it's somehow controversial, or risky (or interesting to callers, we'd add). The sin turned mortal when he devoted even more hours Thursday with the much promo-ed topic, "I took my 5-year-old daughter to Walking With Dinosaurs at the T-Dome." Thank god they wouldn't let him do that live remote from Tacoma. Frank needs more kids to smooth out the preciousness, and to shut up about his child-rearing on the radio. And one more thing, Frank: please stop already about how large your "bottom" is. 'kay?
 
~ Feminists are better lovers. Despite decades of Rush Limbaugh's framing feminists as ugly, angry, asexual ball-busters, a Rutgers University study found that feminism boosts sexual satisfaction for both men and women despite both genders hold negative views of feminists. Women with egalitarian attitudes find mates and men find them attractive. What's more, they may even be enjoying sex more than non-feminists. Yuh think?

~ Being Rush Limbaugh means his giving himself permission to indulge all manner of his copious appetites. He's fat as a burrito; takes sex vacations in 3rd world countries; was busted for eating pain pills like Altoids; exudes flatus at will in confined spaces with deference to no one; and says just about anything he wants on his radio show. That may sound pretty liberal and libertine- but he's the conservative of record. He's like one of those be-monocled 19th century tycoons with a wide waistcoat, gold-headed walking stick; and propensity for sitting down in his private rail car to consume a whole mutton leg while paying a wench to dandle his tiny privates under the table. We were reminded of Big Pants' capacity for verbal hedonism recently with his studious, long-winded, in-depth, on-air discussion about masturbating a horse, and collecting "the essence" of thoroughbreds using artificial horse vaginas; (different from a Jarvis Hog Bung Dropper- see photo on right). The intensity of Rush's curiosity was admirable, and we found that explicit veterinarian sex talk was some of the most compelling radio we've ever heard out of Rush.

~ the worst pressbox lunch... ever? Rich Johnson, former KIRO newsie, now Fox White House correspondent sent us the pic on the right he took from a press booth monitor at the Eagles/Seahawk game in Philly last week.  "Reminds me of some Kingdome meals way back when," he says.

~ Speaking of self-indulgence: had enough Google search terms that get you to BlatherWatch? We haven't either. Somebody found us today after searching for "Jugular Vein pain right." Not sure why if you Google, "Bridled reindeer," you'll get over here, but you will; we're certainly not flattered knowing that folks Googling " nude Dori" or "good dentures Tacoma" end up in Blatherland, though they're always welcome.

~ we were fascinated hearing Don of the Ron & Don Show talk about a UCLA study that proves women are attracted to bulky musclemen such as Don himself. They like the guys with the big "guns" (biceps) for one-night stands, said the researchers, but think they're too self-absorbed for the long haul. Who could argue with that? That's kind of why we couldn't listen to them for much longer than it took us to find Rachel Maddow (KPTK m-f, 3-5p) But you gotta wonder: these guys replaced Dave Ross in afternoon drive???

~ we have a study of our own: Dr. Edgar "Choch" Manaña, psych researcher at the Hair University For Men has data that suggests that mullet cuts causes a significant degeneration of cognitive powers. In other words, stupid men don't cause mullets- mullets cause stupid men.
(photo: Don O'Neill in a youthful, self-destructive do).

~ just another chicken hawk with a big mouth. Rocker Ted Nugent is being asked by officials on the hot county fair tour he's on to tone it down after he roamed a concert stage with automat ic weapons, calling Barack Obama "a piece of shit" and telling him to suck on one of his machine-guns. He called Hillary Clinton a "worthless bitch" and Dianne Feinstein a "worthless whore." The Chicago Sun Times'  Richard Roeper writes:"... when it was time to register for the draft during the Vietnam era....By his own admission, Nugent stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces, winning a deferment." Sean Hannity refused to denounce Nugent's behavior, saying,  "I like Ted Nugent . . . he's a friend of mine." Hannity , if you remember, called for the beheading of the Dixie Chicks after their apostasy.

~ overly futzy talk radio topic of the week: Michael Medved's discussion of the public safety issues around the baggy-pants of the young. Freely letting your butt hang out of your pants is a precious First Amendment right, and don't ever let neocons like Medved take it away.

~ Google keywords, "Rush Limbaugh" + "May 25, 2007" + "vagina," and you'll get, for some mysterious and wonderfully synchronistic reason, to BlatherWatch. Enter the ever-popular Googlianic search words, "pecksniffian dry humping" you'll find us, too. (dry humping is a cause we've long been proud to lend our name- we're only too happy to help the Dry Humping Saves Lives movement which promotes "outercourse" for teens.

~ We're guessing it's a Braveheart thing. But what's the hotwear (and bringing "swinging" to whole new level) of Seattle Republican men? It's Utilikilts,("We Sell Freedom") those man-skirts that make women ask you about your underwear. Sightem at Green Lake last Sunday: GOP blogger and U.S. Attorney-caust denier Stefan Sharkansky collecting signatures for I-25, (the initiative to make King County Elections illegal) wearing a khaki "Original" style with Neo-traditional Snap Closures. A Republican man in a Utilikilt is said to be able to get a neocon chick out of her cotton skivvies faster'n you can say "privatize!" Yow!

~ That's gotta be a pistol in your pocket! Violent gangs of lesbians? what a great idea! Certainly an upgrade on the usual, tawdry groupings of street thugs who typically lack self-awareness and gym memberships. Billo Reilly shot off his big mouth about this culture war atrocity which had a nationwide underground network of urban street dikes recruiting our little girls for violent sapphic street crime.  We were getting all het up about this on several levels, but turns out- o darn- it was only the wet dream of a Christianist homophobe and "Fox News Analyst" and... apocryphal.

Comments

[NoBS]

Any wrap up of 2007 would have to include the post you did on the Gregg vs. Jane drama. Or was that in 2006? Does anyone know if they still loathe eachother? Or maybe with Bonneville owning the station again it's one typically happy yet dysfunctional family.

[sparky]

Dear God, a picture of Rush getting his buttcyst removed and the mental picture of The Shark in a skirt.
I need a drink.

[sparky]

Forgot to include the visual of The Sty sitting on the pot, deciding whether to use the pink TP or the blue TP. Liberal Talk Radio website had a great shot of Brian Baloney sitting on a toilet outside his trailer.

Make that drink a double.

[andrews]

get a drink and get on the blog; seems to be the story of your life

[waitress]

I would say something about Shark in a skirt but I'm afraid it would lose me another job...

[chucks]

I never did like the big ol' butt picture. Reminds me of High School showers in the sixties.
A lot of folks said some real stupid stuff last year. Gonna be plenty more heard this election cycle. With the old hippy Nancy Pelosi and her lap dog Senator from Nevada babbling on and on.
Always wondered about the root of "Oddems". Thought it was just a lib thing so I accepted without question. LOL
Happy New Year everybody. Let the pissing contest begin. God I love election years. Even after it screws up business so much.

[Rich]

If the Styble really mused over TP on the air. He should change his program theam. Open lines for vapid minds. Its all just trivia Bryan

[sparky]

Oh gosh...andrews, who has never met me and knows nothing about me has looked into my soul and has found me wanting.

How. Will. I. Live?

[andrews]

and who said I was talking about you, THAT's telling.

[PugetSound]

andrew, fries are up!
please, not too much salt this time.

[coiler]

Andrew or andrews?

[sparky]

Oh come on andrews, not even Stevarino tries that one.

Puts, is Andrew and andrews one and the same?

[PugetSound]

damn, i didn't notice the 's' at the end.
could be someone different. to cover all bases:

"andrewS, fries are up!
please, not too much salt this time."

[joanie]

Hmm...this thread is off to a riveting start.

Frank did another hit job on global warming this afternoon. Thankfully, I missed most of it. But it anyone was listening, I'd appreciate the name and web address of his guest - Dave ???? I'd like to read his post.

Everybody needs to go to a good movie, get some sushi afterwards and then go home and ... well, you can fill in the rest.

(In chucks case, it won't be reading a good book, watching public tv or CSpan, or thinking-all of which require a certain level of active intelligence.)

[sparky]

ew joanie, I make it a practice never to eat bait!

[joanie]

Uh, California roll doesn't have bait...I'm sorta shy of raw fish myself. But, I'm also a bit adventurous so have tried some others but I don't make it a habit. Sure like everything that goes with it! I love Japanese cuisine.

[Nevets]

Best line of the week:

Thith ith David Goldthien thitting in for Dave Roth.

I got a kick out of his rational on auto accidents that if you take away the common denominator, which would be automobiles, less people will die in auto accidents or something to that effect. Do we all have to ride trains, bicycles, or busses just so this guy can get his wish that automobiles be outlawed so people wont die needlesly. Does he own a car? If he does why is he taking the chance that someone might die by his actions the next time he hits a patch of black ice or swerves out of the way of a women driver merging into traffic on I-5 going 25 mph when everyone else is going 70. (except during rush hour) Next thing you know Goldy will want to ban Police Officers from carrying guns because inevitably some innocent person will be shot and killed. Does the guy know what an accident is?

[Nevets]

Sparky, I thought that was coiler in that picture leaving one of his namesakes behind.

[mark]

Bitching about Midwest drivers snow habits is so Seattle snottiness. The difference is simple: Midwest drivers don't piss away money on useless shit like northface jackets and double dipped cappuccino's. Instead, a couple hundred dollars in proper studded tires and sandbags will save your precious overpriced Volvo from being yanked out of a ditch.

[dilbert]

Warren Moon arrested AGAIN for DUI.

Let's see if a certain talk host who wants all DUI'ers locked up and removed from society wants to have Moon removed from the KIRO broadcasts.

[Rich]

I did catch Frank on Fri. and it was one of the most cogent presentations for the otherside of the argument I have heard. I agree that the curent science points to global warming being real. The best info has also pointed to many causes of cancer. I love my coffee and my prostate thanks me for it.

[The Royal]

Since Mr. Moon didn't exceed the legal limit we doubt A DUI charge is going to stick. Maybe Inattentive Driving or Driving with a Suspended License.

We would like to see Mr. Moon kept on the air.

[joanie]

Rich, did you get the guy's name or web address?

The part I heard was telling. Frank kept pointing out how the left keeps personally attacking everyone instead of addressing the issue; and, all the while, every other word was "Gore this..." and "Gore that..." along with some smarmy comment.

I thought at first the subject was Al Gore. Only later did I realize it was actually global warming.

And, for the record, I do think global warming is real but also approach it with an open mind now. There's a lot of controversy, and I realize that.

"Open mind" - something chucks wouldn't understand being uninterested in anything factual.

[sparky]

Obviously you don't get out much, Stevarino, since your mind can only fathom Poo.

think outside the box Stevarino

and here..

[Rich]

Jonnie, I guess that its safe to say that the rhetoric level on both sides is much too high. I remember when too high was a goal!However do you remember the story of the frozen mammoth? It was found with grass in its mouth. That was climate change.

[joanie]

I'm not arguing climate change. I would like to read the web site.

Our biosphere is changing all the time. There is no doubt we're experiencing climate change. At least, I don't think there is.

The question for me is to what degree are we altering/hurrying a natural phenomenon?

Since our biosphere has limits, it seems common sense that the amount of increased (over the last hundred years) carbon dioxide and methane we are pouring into the atmosphere while deforesting the planet should change the process negatively for us.

But common sense never proved a thing. :)

[joanie]

Seder repeating an interview with Naomi Klein The Shock Doctrine.

Listen up you rightwingers. Learn something. KPTK

[KS]

How about Nuclear power for one of the measures to reduce global warming ? France does it and something that the no-nukes MSM does not report is technology has evolved so that virtually all of the radioactive waste can be recycled and very little needs to be disposed now.

"it seems common sense that the amount of increased (over the last hundred years) carbon dioxide and methane we are pouring into the atmosphere while deforesting the planet should change the process negatively for us."

Except for the fact there are way more people and bovines than there were 100 years ago - collective exhaling releases a significant amount of CO2 - oh yes, there were very few gas-powered engines compared to now and throw in industrialization. So what was your point ?

[joanie]

That was my point, you idiot.

As I said, it is common sense that climate change is affected by people due to those factors. What exactly do you not get?

[KS]

After rereading your comment - I revise my last sentence to DUH ! No need for condescention...
With all due respect, there is life outside of blogging on Blatherwitch.

[joanie]

Well, I wasn't the one home at 7 pm on New Year's Eve was I?

Happy 2008 Klueless.

[KS]

And I wasn't the one on at 1:37AM on New Year's morning - although I was out until just after midnight though.

Who's clueless (pot calls kettle black one more time) ?
Happy 2008 back at ya.

[chucks]

Happy New Year to you and all of your vistors Michael.
This is going to be fun. Welcome election year.
Maybe even the radio will get interesting again.

[PugetSound]

Chucks
If you thought 07 was fraught with interest, for 2008 all I can say:
'Buckle up, it's gonna be a bumpy ride'
(with all due apologies to Ms. Bette Davis)