Glenn Beck Mad Libs
Everett's gift to the universe - Glenn Beck - has seemingly conquered many Marianas & Matterhorns: From the depths of drug addiction, 2 marriages (par for the Right-wing moralist course), & mormon conversion; to the heights of a regular show on CNN headline-news (*See Bibliography below)
Here I am thinking I can get ahead with a little elbow grease, ingenuity & a couple snipey guest posts?
Pass the pipe, wives & magic pajamas!
Yet with all his suck-cess, Herr Beckmeister has been unable to penetrate his home radio base - as Father Bla'M dutifully noted back in August
Beck's NW access-denied is largely due to (or despite) his credulous - some might say "Everettarian" slogan:
"I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin"
He tends to drop this on the end of many vocalized brainfarts - tirades against America's numerous usual-suspect enemies: Hitler/Clinton, Vermont, The Blind (!!!)
Quite a rhetorical magician, no? I'm sure anyone with anything beyond a brain-stem will be able to see straight through Beck's mind-trick. But what about those who cannot? Moreover, what if we were to harness this trick and use it towards our evil secular progressive purposes (bwahahahahaha).
Take any outrageous statement of which you enjoy, but don't wanna bother hassling with any of those pesky counterarguments, antitheses, or rebuttals - and *plunk*
I give you: Glenn Beck Mad Libs.
Not nearly as genius as Western star trucks hocking auto parts Midnight Radio Network, but give me some time.
Let's test it out on some big names:
Ann Coulter's cock is bigger than Rush Limbaugh's,
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin
Bill O'Reilly is always one harassment scandal away from being entertaining,
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin
Without even knowing who he is, Glenn Beck's face just begs for a back-hand
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin
Glenn Beck is saying what everybody's thinking: Nothing,
I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin
See? So far, so good. Let's use some local targets:
Every snarky Frank Shiers talking-point is ripped straight from Orbusmax.com,
I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin'
Every snarky Orbusmax post is ripped straight from WordNetDaily.com,
I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin'
Every freaky WorldNetDaily.com post is ripped from TheOnion.com,
I'm just sayin what everybody's thinkin'
... and so on, and so forth. Now it's your turn. Here is your template:
________________________________________________,
any outrageous statement that you want to stand without rebuttal,
"I'm just sayin' what everyone is thinkin' "
Have safe. Stay fun.
* Bibliography:
Beck, Glenn. "About the Glenn Beck Program"
http://www.glennbeck.com/about/about-glennbeck.shtml
2006 Primiere Radio Networks
Gawd, Nate, this is (sadly) hilarious! I agree with Buck's statements about "the blind", however...watching my blind friend paw everyone and everything in the elevator in search of Braille directions is the most hysterical thing I've seen...it always cheers me up!
Posted by: FREMONT | November 29, 2006 at 07:41 AM
Dori Monson suffers from Little Man Syndrome
(I'm Just sayin' what everyone's thinkin'!)
GAwd, now i know why I moved away from Everett...I didnt know Beck was from there...
But there is a part of the population, ok a large part, that prides itself for being ignorant
(Im just sayin'.....)
Posted by: sparky | November 29, 2006 at 08:02 AM
Great News!!!!
Hairy Gary is back beind the glass at Kiro news radio 710AM!!
Hooty hoo ! He is back to the phones back to the fun ! Hairy Gary was gone at his favorite bath house down south . for a few days of R&R you are D0a man!
Posted by: Brian | November 29, 2006 at 08:31 AM
Buck was a Yale-ie, too....see G-Lib's comments re: educated and smart. Without being frostbitingly polarized myself, why are so many Eli's taking right turns?
Posted by: Fremont | November 29, 2006 at 01:39 PM
Thanks for the first talking point I've heard on the left, Nate.
This will be my new response to every rightwing talking point I hear. I'll just pull something out of my ass, add that closing remark, smile and be done.
Thanks for leveling the political playing field. You are a wonder!
Posted by: joanie | November 29, 2006 at 01:52 PM
Does everyone realize it was like 21 degrees out there last night? Hope you've all taken care of your outside plumbing . . .
Posted by: joanie | November 29, 2006 at 01:57 PM
We have indoor plumbing at my house joanie.
You need to ask for a raise, dear.
Posted by: sparky | November 29, 2006 at 02:24 PM
I'm talking about outside faucets! (laughing here!)
Posted by: joanie | November 29, 2006 at 02:25 PM
Sparky, I'm listening to Pete Wilson online for the first time. What do yo think of him?
Posted by: joanie | November 29, 2006 at 02:27 PM
on KGO? he's ok i guess. I dont usually listen to him..
Posted by: sparky | November 29, 2006 at 04:02 PM
For inside plumbing problems, consult your urologist...don't have one? "Don't be freakin'...call Beacon!" (That ad is as repellant as Ben Gleck!)
Posted by: Fremont | November 29, 2006 at 08:23 PM
Fremont, I complained about that ad many moons ago on this blog. I absolutely abhor it! As Janet would say, like fingernails on a blackboard . . . :)
Posted by: joanie | November 29, 2006 at 08:36 PM
UH OH!
This just heard on KIRO by Herr Shiers:
Styblehead Boast to Boast! - 1-4am this morning! (no trucker talk?)
I'm in the process of duct-taping my ear to radio. Oh, and I may be calling-in. heheh
Posted by: mercifurious | November 29, 2006 at 11:53 PM
this glen buck guy is a fucking idiot! i wonder what table he crawled out under to get this spot on t.v. what a waste of t.v. space.
Posted by: todd | November 30, 2006 at 02:16 PM
He crawled out from under the periodic table, Toad....he's an inert gas.
Posted by: FREMONT | November 30, 2006 at 07:20 PM
He looks like a wifebeater
Posted by: chris | November 30, 2006 at 07:55 PM
but I'm just sayin' what everyone's thinkin'
Posted by: chris | November 30, 2006 at 07:56 PM
Fremont,
Roomie just posted-up a Beacon plumbing fridge magnet
I'm FREAKIN!
Posted by: mercifurious | December 01, 2006 at 01:37 AM
Please PLEASE PLEEZE remove this photo - it makes me GAG!!! First photo I can recall posted on here, and it IS totally OBSCENE : ( ~
Posted by: whynot | December 01, 2006 at 01:57 AM
You know, I was seriously contemplating this. But I finally decided that the following quote required a visual aid:
Without even knowing who he is, Glenn Beck's face just begs for a back-hand
(I'm just sayin' what everybody's thinkin)
Posted by: mercifurious | December 01, 2006 at 02:02 AM
Frank Shiers finally says a mouth-full:
"Pshh... What the do I know about Foreign Policy? I'm just a talk-show host"
It's called an epiphany, Frank. You finally saw the light of your own stupidy - now walk towards it.
Posted by: mercifurious | December 06, 2006 at 11:33 PM
I'm just a talk-show host.
Now, if Dave Ross or Thom Hartman had said that, one might argue . . .
Posted by: joanie | December 07, 2006 at 08:57 PM
Glenn Beck describes himself as "Mr. Oreo Cookie" on Martin's birthday.
Posted by: joanie | January 16, 2007 at 09:18 AM
If you guys werent guarding the wrong basket and actually watched glen beck you would find that over 90 percent of what he says is truthful. Your hate justifies your ignorance. At least to you. Idiots!!!!
Posted by: chris allen | August 24, 2007 at 06:14 AM
So, " over 90%"..does that mean 91% or 98% ?? 99.5%???
Posted by: sparky | August 24, 2007 at 07:12 AM
If you guys werent guarding the wrong basket and actually watched glen beck you would find that over 90 percent of what he says is truthful
So Chris - and this might be a lot to ask - do you have some evidence for this claim? No hate, just sources-cited.
Because if this is just another ass-to-hand, Paris Business Review facturd, that would make you the idiot.
I'm just sayin' what everyone is thinkin'
Posted by: mercifurious | August 24, 2007 at 08:16 AM