Whoo boy. If we referred to our significant other as a "ride" we'd be thrown off the property- that is the soft, warm community property we hold so dear- until probably around Chanukah.
Yet presumably, hundreds, dozens- or at least quite a few- men and boys, 18 to 49 are sending pics of their grrlfs, wives, and their cars- all "rides" in FM parlance- to KISW's BJ Shea hoping to win bodywork for both the ugly li'l woman and that other worn-out heap- the one they drive.
Wide rides are welcome.
It's the "Trick My Rides" contest on the morning drive "BJ Shea Morning Experience" on Entercom's KISW-FM (99.9). It's a new low in radio entertainment- comparable to say, Bryan Styble (KIRO m-sundays,1-5a) giving sex advice.
Guys are encouraged to send in front and rear end photos of their SO's and their junkers to be judged. Who's worthy? The ugly, the fat, the least breastful, the lumpy, those needful of paint and a woofer; the beat-up, dinged-up, worn-out, wrinkled, dented, crumpled, discolored, thin-lipped, and the unfortunately hirsute.
The worthy woman will receive:
(a) Tooth Whitening
(b) Lip Enhancement- After the initial pre-procedure appointment the Doctor performing the procedure holds the right to offer Laser Hair Removal for an equal value if the patient is deemed not to need Lip Enhancement.
(c) Breast augmentation and Liposuction- Winner will receive up to $8000 to use towards this procedure
(d) Botox for wrinkles- After the initial pre-procedure appointment the Doctor performing the procedure holds the right to offer Laser Hair Removal for an equal value if the patient is deemed not to need Botox
The worthy vehicle will receive
(e) 4 new tires and Rims
(f) New Paint for the body of the vehicle
(g) New in-deck stereo vehicle, new speakers
(creative capitalization by KISW)
(We're trying to visualize how one would suggest to a wife or girlfriend to enter such a contest. Woe be to the guy who follows his dull male instincts without thinking them through: "You know, sweetie, the Corvette could sure use some new paint- ever thought about doing something about your sagging yabos?" A more productive approach might be: "I'd love to enter this contest and get a new car stereo, but how would we ever use up all that Botox?").
We don't usually write much about FM talk radio, (now you can see why) but we're thinking this FM approach- a little hair removal, some breast augmentation, more 3-armed babies and body fluids- might just be what AM talk needs. KIRO are you listening?
After all, KISW not only survived the loss of Howard Stern in December, but are kicking morning ratings butt. How did they do it? They went local- they rejected Stern's network replacement of Adam Corolla and moved Shea's locally produced show from middays at FM talk station KQBZ-FM (The Buzz) to mornings at KISW. (They went local: are you listening, KPTK?)
BJ's male morning romp not only survived, but showed virtually no change from Stern's ratings fall to winter among 12+ listeners and placed at or near the top in their target demographic, men 18 to 49.
If you're an AM talk radio listener, or a woman, or sensitive, or sensible you may ask: Who is BJ Shea?
On his website (which, btw, features a real 3-armed baby) we discover the man:
BJ Shea has dedicated his life to helping guys across the country reclaim their manhood. It's a mission he calls "The Testicular Reclamation Project." BJ doesn't aim to shock, but entertain. However, if being honest and truthful is shocking to some, then let them call him what they will. BJ knows in the end that honesty - not political correctness - is what guys truly want. This is what it means to be… an "H-hole." An Honest-hole speaks the brutal & beautiful truth, so much so that some may call him/her an "A-hole," but no...he/she is an "H-hole!"
With bona fides like these, he could be the Republican candidate against Rep. Jim McDermott.
ugh
Posted by: sparky | June 01, 2006 at 02:41 PM
Another bloated, white, frat guy on the radio...we don't have enough of that...sigh
Posted by: Moose | June 01, 2006 at 03:51 PM
Every major market west of Omaha has a painfully self-conscious Leykis wannabe, and this is ours. He's got a decent amount of raw talent, but it is saddled to a shtick that went stale many years ago.
Posted by: Oly | June 01, 2006 at 04:13 PM
I know the type and I know just the guy 'cept he doesn't live here any more.
Long ago I worked with this guy who was more mouth than brains. One of the affiliated companies under our giant corporate umbrella had a guy who was leaving. This guy's co-workers were sending him off with a party at one of the lap dance joints down by Sea-Tac.
Coworker gets on the phone and very, very enthusiastically tells the wife, "We're all getting lap dances and there's even a woman dancing on stage who's a porn star!"
Then he got very very quiet and started mumbling. He walked over to our manager and I heard him say, very, very quietly and very hangdog like, "Uh, ummm I gotta go home, something's come up with my wife."
Given this opportunity there will be countless stories like this to be told here in The Emerald City.
Posted by: jerome_howard | June 01, 2006 at 04:29 PM
I think this column is for the boys . . . have fun, guys. :)
Posted by: joanie | June 01, 2006 at 05:02 PM
It's the "Trick My Rides" contest on the morning drive "BJ Shea Morning Experience" on Entercom's KISW-FM (99.9). It's a new low in radio entertainment- comparable to say, Bryan Styble (KIRO m-sundays,1-5a) giving sex advice.
You know Michael, 99/100 times I applaud your appraisals, but not this time. I love watching a train-wreck (c'mon admit it, you do too). And any radio promo that pushes those trains together & greases the rails is okay in my book.
Just picturing in my minds-eye some Kent/Auburn yobbo doing this makes it all worth it (camera crew, anyone?) And hey, Perhaps this will bring some much-needed wisdom to all those ill-fated yobbo-co-habitors out there.
And Bryan Styble Sex advice!!!
KIRO. Are you listening? Bryan Styble Sex Advice = Radioactive Trainwreck = Ratings Wellspring
Posted by: Nate | June 01, 2006 at 11:31 PM
I'd love to see all the entries- it'd make a great show hung in a gallery- real Americana, plus big hair and cellulite. mmmm
Posted by: blathering michael | June 02, 2006 at 12:54 AM
Like those classic Almost Live! bits.
Studs from South King County, or Green Riverdance!
(Sorry about the shameless plug)
Posted by: Nate | June 02, 2006 at 02:17 AM
The one thing you can always count on with the BJ Shea Experience is that no matter what the topic happens to be, it isn't going to be boring.
And lets be real H-Holes about this. If women were so offended by make-over shows then television shows like Extreme Makeover and the Swan would never see the light of day.
BJ and company maximize on the #1 rule of marketing... "There is no such thing as bad publicity"
They have utilized this contest to not only keep the 18-49 males calling, but they might even attract a few more females in the process
Posted by: DaCEO | June 05, 2006 at 06:49 AM
Attract more females? uh..i dont think so.
Your analogy of the Swan and Extreme Makeover would work if those two shows MOCKED the women who want to make themselves look better.
These women volunteer to undergo a transformation. There is quite a difference between that and sending in pictures of your wife or girlfriend because you think they are "ugly" AND accompanying that with a picture of your junker car.
Somehow, I have a feeling that if women were encouraged to send in a picture of their man's pecker to be scrutinized, this would not be so hilarious.
Posted by: sparky | June 05, 2006 at 08:08 AM
So what exactly is Michael Hoods qualifications? Read some illiberal books lately or been to see Michael Moore movies? You sound like a best seller wannebe who can't create a market for your horsecrap. This is it! This pitiful blog. You assonine fool. Michael Savage makes you look like Mariah Carey on her bad hair day!
Posted by: Eric t | June 08, 2006 at 09:27 PM
Well Hood? What say you? Stay out of the way when men resume control of this country. Socialist panty waist!
Posted by: Eric t | June 10, 2006 at 08:23 PM
Well, Eric, I guess Michael can consider it a success as long as it is good enough to attract you . . . or don't you think you are worth attracting?
Kind of a different take on the old Woody Allen joke . . . "I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member."
Take care, Eric. I don't hate you although you seem to hate everything. Why is that?
Posted by: joanie | June 10, 2006 at 08:33 PM
someone is not monitoring his meds very well
Posted by: sparky | June 10, 2006 at 08:41 PM
Sparky, are you podcasting kptk 1090 and the big party tonight? It is going on right now and you can watch on your computer!
Posted by: joanie | June 10, 2006 at 09:06 PM
RedRachel is back.
Posted by: Dana | June 10, 2006 at 09:44 PM
Nope...just finished watching LA Confidential..great movie!
Posted by: sparky | June 10, 2006 at 11:24 PM
BJ Shea Sucks
http://www.bjsucks.com/
Posted by: bjsucksdotcom | February 08, 2007 at 09:53 AM