lieutenant bryan suits: thank god for politicians...

We were reminded today why we're so glad politicians are running this country instead of the generals. Politicians can do the job and politics is the way they do it.

And that's a blessing.

Why are we so happy about the existence of the most despised class of people in America?  Because we were listening tonight to 2nd Lt. Bryan Suits, the glib and palaverous neocon Iraqi veteran who acronymously pontificates weeknightly on KVI (m-f, 6-9p).

Thanks for your service, Bry, but maybe you better leave it at that--soldiering, that is-- and taking orders from people who take orders from politicians. 

Suits brings a military perspective to everything he talks about. Most of the time it's just boring, though he has a sharp, sardonic wit when he's not trying to out-piss another male with his Army jargon, acronyms, weapons name-dropping and bullet banter. He did take First Place in blatherWatch's coveted Talk Radio's Top 3 Most Narcissistic Talk-Jocks/Seattle Edition.

Suits loves the absurd, like his suggestion to hang bacon in the Metro buses--a strategy that would keep the terrorists out but would prohibit Somalians and some Eritreans from driving the buses, not to speak of the Jews. We'd have to go back to all Christian drivers and passengers, and we all remember boring that was.

Suits point tonight wasn't witty, nor boring. He said the US should let it be known to the Moslem world that if a nuke were to be used on us, we'd flatten the holy city of Mecca, or as the li'l Lieutenant put it, make it "smoother."

That's what's called "a military solution." It'd be like the British bombing the Vatican after an IRA attack. It'd be like kicking over a beehive that would stay kicked-over forever. It'd be really, really stupid, not to speak of immoral.

Suits went on to say that we'd all come around to his way of thinking. "Suicide bombings need to happen [in the US]," he said.

That's pretty outrageous, of course, and makes us glad Suits is only a lieutenant. Makes us relived he's just another conservative blowhard on local radio.

He got at least one call from an outraged human being who was no bleeding heart, just aghast at the stupidity of it. But there were a number of the usual testosteronic Suits show listeners, who were for "vaporizing a whole bunch of people" as a revenge for or prophylactic to nuclear terror.

The military's job is to sit around and think up ways to win when jaw-jaw turns into war-war. There are lots of pragmatic, trained-up soldiers like Bryan standing around waiting for the war-war and wishing they weren't held back by those sloppy civilians with their incessant and inefficient jaw-jaw.

They're sure they could straighten out all those civilian messes with good logistics and superior firepower. If and when they can't or won't be straightened up or out, hell, let's just make 'em "smoother." It's humanitarian, really.

There's a new batch of politicians who have a lot of influence in Washington these days, who tend to agree with that simple, pragmatic get-the-job-done approach to human life and death. They're called neocons. If they weren't screwing this war up so badly, we'd be worried that the jaw-jaw guys were morphing into the war-war guys.
~~
(A female among us wondered what acronyms the Army might have about sex-sex. We thought up a few...couldn't help it. Like the PBJ&N (perfunctory blow job and a nap) a C2B1 (two in the coot and one in the boot); for the gals there's the ever-popular JLT (just lay there) or the its even more popular variation, the JLTBM (just lay there and pretend it's Bill Maher). or there's the R2D2, (a short one with squeaks). Any suggestions? we'd love to hear from readers with some good acronyms for sex or anything else...  

Comments

[Dave]

I heard a portion of the same show, and couldn't believe how stupid most of the callers were. I guess they must like walking a whole lot, because if it ever really came to that, you could say goodbye to anymore oil coming from the middle east.

[Scrilla]

Well...I think it was on tape because Suits is filling in for Carlson this week from 3p-6p.
BTW- In fact, the Israelis do have pig fat in the Tel Aviv buses now and it's not a restriction for muslims OR jews, unless they blow themselves up and come in contact.
This kind of talk needs to happen and maybe we should listen to someone with his experience. I heard the hour and didn't hear any jargon or acronyms. I heard someone who has BEEN IN SUICIDE attacks. Of course he should continue talking and soldiering. How much of this is about a bloggers insecurity? Maybe the effete John Carlson should carry a rifle? Or Franken.

[Scrilla]

ALSO...A friggin CONGRESSMAN just proposed the same thing! Don't soldiers take orders from politicians? (I'm pretty sure they still get to enjoy the 1st amendment?)

[John]

Great idea Suits! Maybe after we blow up all them damn rag heads we can kill all the fags too!

What a god damn fuckin idiot. KVI is such a joke. I need to call them more often and let them know.