rush limbaugh, blow jobs, daryn kagen’s lips, outrages in the name of decency, and talk radio ratings

It’s been batting around the “explaining industry” for over a week. It’s cause for not a little outrage from radio folks tired of the double decency standards set for Rush Limbaugh and say, Howard Stern.

Let’s face it: Big Pants gets a break by right-wingers for his peccadilloes (drug addiction, 3 divorces). On-air, his pain-pill addiction was a“medical problem,” his divorces are never mentioned. Not to be hypocritical, many of us have had divorces and have used drugs to take the sting out of more than just our ow-ies. But conservatives set the bar high on such values and don’t usually forget and forgive moral slips--especially those of liberals they hate, like Bill Clinton.

What’s the fuss? On his April 12 broadcast, the Big Fatuous Idiot [that, dear reader Phil, was an ad hominem] talked about Al Gore’s liberal cable TV network, slated to start-up in August said “to reflect the point of view of young people.”

“What the hell is the point of view of young people?” demanded Limbaugh.“Blow jobs. That's what...They're out there getting oral sex all day long...That's the point of view that your boss--AL!--made sure to become the number one sport in high school today.

"So I guess you're going to have a BJ Network out there--AL--is that what you're going to do? You're going to call your network the Oral Sex Channel...start competing with MTV?"

In the early 90’s, the last time Rush was single, he also got kind of creepy on-air. Like so many of us, when Rush gets randy, he talks dirty. It may be his way of attracting a mate; and with all those wives, it seems to be pretty effective! We all love to talk about blow jobs, but when Rush Limbaugh does it, 20 million people are listening, many of whom look to him for spiritual guidance. It’s a problem.

Though he usually contracts it out, even The Flatulent One has a sense of propriety; so he apologized in that funny little endearing way he has, and did what every self-excusing, backsliding right-wing talk host does when caught--he blamed Bill Clinton.

"I’m going to apologize,” he said, “not for saying what I said, but I'm going to apologize if it offended anybody. I never apologize for what I say, but if some of you were offended by a graphic term involving actions committed by Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky now spread to America’s's high schools, I apologize.

I meant to say 'oral sex' throughout, but the guttural term escaped my pouty lips in a moment of pure, unbridled passion.”

Mon Dieu! this talk of pouty lips and blow jobs is making me randy--glad I’m in my PJ’s...

In many ways, Limjob has no equal in power and influence in America. His sense of entitlement is as strong as his facility to suck the marrow from a veal shank. Those silly FCC rules are made for mere mortals like Howard Stern, but not for the Maha Rushee, especially since his power has been annealed in the White House and Congress.

“Somebody turn me into the FCC,” he said with that sexy, bellicose, hell-no-I-won’t-go tenor to his voice that moistens menopausal knickers all over America. “I'll be honored to be fined. It's just another government agency with its hand in my back pocket, so go right ahead."

Media giant Clear Channel owns Rush Limbaugh (well,sorta...does a pimp own a hooker?) CEO John Hogan was hauled before a House oversight committee in Feb after one of their talkers, Bubba the Love Sponge® invoked the FCC’s wrath--not because he used one of the 7 dirty words--but because he made feelthy comments--just like Rush. Hogan testified:

“We certainly don't want to be associated with indecency. As the CEO, I won't have any more of it.” It was to be zero tolerance by CC--if you’re indecent once, goddamit darnit, you’re fired.

All this helped put the big chill on the Blabber Industry, that along with shocktalker Stern suffering fines and threats and withdrawing next year from the regulated airwaves. Even Rush defended Stern.

But a few months later, when Rush skated past these silly, moralistic rules and dared the regulators to bust him--no one, not the government, not Clear Channel, not James Dobson or Pat Robertson, said a word.

This so crazy-making, let's digress right here to some fun Rush dating news.

More depressing to liberal men than his seemingly indestructible ratings is that the extraordinarily beautiful CNN anchor Daryn Kagan is rumored to be anxiously waiting for the pill-popping partisan to pop the question and make her wife #4.

Vanity Fair’s James Wolcott brings this all back around to blow jobs as he speculates in his insightful (inciteful?) post, On Some Sad Laps, No Heads Bob, that if Limbaugh “sounded frustrated, disgruntled...perhaps the anchorwoman isn't applying herself as much as she could or should to the task of keeping her big man happy.”

Limbaugh met Marta Fitzgerald, his recently parted partner online in 1990 and they were married in 1994. If you don’t remember those nuptials (and why would you?) here are some fascinating factoids. It was a bi-partisan, decency orgy with the terpitude threshold kept low by morality-bore William Bennett (later outed as having a multimillion-dollar gambling jones) and porn-loving Supreme Clarence Thomas who hosted the event at his Virginia estate and did the officiating. Who stood up for them? James Carville and wife Mary Matelin.

Too much information? That's what we're here for.

Comments

[Lazy Murrow]

For even more "good for me but not for thee" hypocrisy from these nuts, you should have heard Brian Suits just now. There was a heinous case of pedophilia and murder down in Florida where a young girl was buried alive, and Suits questioned whether Amendement 8 of the Constitution might be outdated, and that we need to institute cruel and unusual punishment. Because, like, that works so well stopping crime and stuff.

What followed was caller after caller fantasizing about ways to torture the murderer, Constitution be damned. Suits kept driving home that the death penalty wasn't enough and wanted the guy "torn apart by 50 dogs." Other callers kept coming up with ways to outdo that, such as having vultures eat his eyeballs or having him continually violated anally by other prisoners

And these are people who were outraged that Saddam had rape rooms or that he might have fed people into shredders.

Do these shitbags even *remember* what it was like being an American?

Yeah, thanks for serving in Iraq, Lt. Suits. Glad to see it gave you good ideas to bring back home.

[Scott]

Well it would be just like that coward Suits to say something like that. Probably thinking back to the days when he was shooting at women and children and unarmed prisoners in handcuffs at an Iraqi prison.

But you know, for once, I agree with Brian. We need to introduce cruel and unusual punishment for right wing talk show hosts that want to dump on the Constitution.

[Duffman]

...certainly glad you cleared that up.

[Nevets]

Duff, why are you responding to a 3 year old post. Catching up on little reading last night?

[Duffman]

Haha...no steven there were several posts here from someone representing themselves as deritives of the moniker 'shredder' and I was just poking fun at that entity...but alas, Meister Bla'M must have deleted them...so it does look like I was tilting at windmills.