blatherWatch

Ralph nader to the conversation: does anyone care?

Elderly political pariah and presidential "candidate" Ralph Nader will appear Wednesday on The Conversation with Ross Reynolds (KUOW 1-2p).

He's the cynical refusenik who traded his liberal icon status; and political effectiveness for that of irrelevant ideologue after he refused to release his voters to Al Gore in the final weeks of his 2000 spoiler presidential campaign.

Unfortunately, there's no evidence that his Gucci-clad feet will be held to the proverbial flames by anyone except Ross who will treat him as if anyone believes his candidacy serves anything more than himself and book sales.

If the argument is that he is relevant because he's got a point of view, and he's running for president, we guess we'll be hearing from ultaconservative Godfly Alan Keyes any day now; or our personal favorite: Losertarian candidate Bob Barr.

The self-promoting idiocon still denies culpability for the Iraq War, and a Supreme Court anxiously awaiting to re-rule on Roe v. Wade.

Junkyard dog tales: Obama's a druggy!

Sean Hannity got a knee-up with his shrinking listening audience, and the Fox Radio marketing department scored big Sunday night when Morley Safer, a Grand Lizard of CBS' 60 Minutes, referred to him as a "a junkyard dog."

They referred to him, are the operative words, here; and cause for high fives and endless mentions throughout his radio and teevee shows Monday.

(Whenever Hannity, or O"Reilly are named in the real media, they bump it with a trumpet for days, even when they're called something as unflattering as a irritable canine. Billo was as jealous  today as a poodle of Hannity's great 60 Minutes triumph. Hannity rubbed it in by shitting on Billo's hat).

Bernie ward to serve significant prison time

In a plea agreement, former KGO talk radio host Bernie Ward faces at least five years in prison on a single count of distributing child pornography.

Ward, 57, admitted to Judge Vaughn Walker as part of his plea agreement that he sent between 15 and 150 images of child pornography via e-mail.

The charge carries a mandatory minimum sentence of five years in prison and a possible maximum of 20 years. Doron Weinberg, Ward's defense lawyer, said he expects Ward to spend at least four years and three months in prison even with credit for good behavior.

Ward was to go before a jury in Walker's court on June 9. Originally charged last year with two other counts of receiving and attempting to send child pornography in January 2005. Those charges are to be dropped in the plea bargain.

The defense told the judge that Ward's use of pornography occurred "in a few weeks in 2004 and 2005" and reflected "an error in judgment rather than sexual proclivity."

Walker will sentence Ward Aug. 28.

Ward is a former Catholic priest and teacher, lives in San Francisco, is married and has four children. He worked in radio for about 20 years and had a loyal following for his weeknightly political show and Godtalk, on Sunday mornings. Both shows were on KGO.

He originally claimed that he was looking at the illegal material researching a book on hypocrisy. The defense filed a motion asking the court to allow Ward to argue that his actions were protected by the First Amendment.

The defense team concluded that courts would not allow that argument. "He thought it was legal to do it as a journalist, but our conclusion was that the courts wouldn't accept that," Weinberg told reporters Thursday.

"Bernie is not a sexual predator," he said.

But the indictment, once unsealed with its damning transcripts of online chats, made Ward's original claim of book research on hypocritical Republicans really hard to swallow, and knocked the underpinnings from any free speech defense.

BlatherMom: Suzanne Mersereau 1919-

Hi Ma.

It's your day -- it's your week, actually -- your birthday being on the day before Mother's Day, and all.

Sorry you're missing all this: we came to see you today, brought the flowers, the cards, but you weren't there.

You were on the boat up the inside passage, today; in your nightie, the one you have on now with the flashing LED Happy Birthday pin, and the Mylar balloon tied to your chair.

We were all there with you, you said, swimming, you said, and the water was warm, the cold salt chuck fed by a hotspring. Princess Louisa Inlet; you said. There was Guiness, and beer.

It was 1958, today, where you were and it must have been nice being where it was warm, and with all those young people around splashing like drunken ducks in the cold salt chuck fed by a hotspring.

Wish I could see their young faces like you can.

You knew who I was, today, I've steeled myself for the day you won't. It's a relief and a gift each time I see your look of recognition.

Sorry we missed you. We'd been coming as regularly as we could, but somehow you slipped by us. And now you live in 20th century places, far away from your sleek 21st century wheel chair; unconfined by the limitations of your old, beat-up, mid-century body.

In your nightie (the one you've got on now) you're up to here in the Sea of Cortez; or working at a job you never had that never gets done; or back at Northfield, Massachusetts turning up your nose at salt cod and studying Latin.

Funny how you can remember word-for-words of Mother Goose you learned in the '20's; or hear the voice of your long-dead sister-in-law asking in a snide tone if you planned to put on your shoes for dinner.

She really didn't mean anything by it, Ma (yes, she did). You were the looker that Dad brought home from college. A tennis player, a clothes horse, a Greek major, a bottle blonde from California who sometimes forgot and went into town barefooted.

That shouldn't be so wrong, but hell, Ma, it was Ferndale, WA in the 1950's and you were the banker's wife -- can't blame them for looking at you the way they did.

Your senses of irony and humor shine out sometimes like sunbreaks in a foggy morning, and it's nice to see you again; to get a glimpse of who you are.

Makes me wish I was eating a corned beef sandwich made with your clunky-looking, homemade 7-grain bread which we thought so embarrassing to be seen eating at school.

Suzanne's Corned Beef 

1 piece corned beef brisket (about 5 lbs.)
Boiling water
1 tbsp. mixed pickling spices
1 small jar of French's yellow mustard
An equal amount of red current jelly

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Wash brisket. Place in large roasting pan on oven rack. Cover meat with boiling water; add pickling spices; cover pan with aluminum foil. Bake for 2 hours or until tender when pierced with that funny, old, 2-tined fork with the broken handle (in the drawer to the left of the stove). Allow to cool in cooking liquid. (This can be done the day before; refrigerate.)

About an hour before serving, drain meat and put in roasting pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 30 minutes.
Combine current jelly and mustard, cover the brisket with the mixture, and bake for 35 minutes more.
Eat hot or cold.

Radio editor speaks: "you're an entertainer. so entertain us."

After Rush Limbaugh's Operation Chaos puffery, All Access Editor Perry Michael Simon writes these cold splashing words to would-be radio rainmakers:

"...But before we all get a big head and start to think that we're all kingmakers and steering the ship of mankind, it's probably a good time to remind ourselves why we're here, and that is:

1. To sell products for advertisers
2. By being entertaining
3. And make a lot of money
4. For our employers
5. And that's it.

Okay, there's also:

6. If we influence people into agreeing with us in the bargain, hey, that's gravy.

And maybe there's:

7. Chicks dig the radio personalities. (No, that's only for Top 40 jocks, and that involves request-line pickups, and that could also involve legal entanglements, so maybe it's better that talk radio hosts don't go there).

KUOW kicks commercial radio ass in seattle winter arbitron ratings

In a huge lead the likes of which we've never seen, public radio's talker KUOW  smashed the commercial opposition in the Seattle market.

Dig it:

• KUOW   6.1
• KUBE     5.2
• KRWM    4.8
• KIRO      4.1
• KOMO     3.8
• KING-FM 3.1
• KPLU      3.0
• KTTH     2.6
• KVI        2.3
• KPTK      1.6

A six share in this market? Unheard of.

We've been critical of KUOW's programming, and we're working on PD Jeff Hansen to sit down and talk to us. We believe that KUOW, while doing a great job snagging the dominant radio demographic (45 years and older) is not doing much to attract younger listeners.

But that said, we think that NPR, and KUOW in particular has proven that smart, commercial-free programming sells in this and most markets.

Friday oddems: no genius awards for ron & don; peggy nooner & kinky friedman; david postman rings once; analysis for what it's worth; water features on the am dial; hard-working white people; will kvi be sold to salem?

~~  OMG!! WTF?? LOL!! We heard it. "Why wouldn't I be" Don referred to his eponymous Ron & Don Show as "award-winning." The award-winning Ron & Don Show, he said. We checked the Soundies. We checked the Peabodys. We checked the MacArthur Genius Awards -- no luck. Could someone help?

(photo: Don & Ron, no geniuses, reportedly)

~~ take the analysis for what it's worth, but: Bill O'Reilly's political analysis team: Texas Jewboy Kinky Friedman, and Official Fox Negro, and Fake Liberal, Juan Williams is getting repeat Factor appearances, Blathersuggestion: Peggy Noonan and Merle Haggard could add some depth to this team. It's said that Merle is the only famous conservative male over 60 left in America that Peggy hasn't slept with... wonder why? (Photo right: Kinky Friedman)

Operation chaos is a big success

In another twist in the phony, shape-shifting "Operation Chaos," Rush Limbaugh proclaimed victory for his alleged part in manipulating Tuesday's elections.

As you know, Big Pants has been urging his listeners to register as Democrats and vote for Hillary Clinton to prolong the Democratic primary fight, and help nominate her -- the conventional wisdom for months was that Clinton was the weaker candidate.